Anyone who’s interested in anal sex has heard about enemas. Most anal sex guides will tell you that you’re pretty much fine if you have a bowel movement 30 minutes to an hour before hand that you’ll be fine, but that the more nervous crowd might find comfort in an enema. However, in most of these anal sex guides, there aren’t descriptions of how to do an enema or a description of what the recipient might feel. And I, an intrepid soul, saw that niche and decided to fill it. I would catalog my first enema and display it to you, my adoring readers.

Anyway, this is for everyone out there in the anal amateur leagues who are curious what it feels like to clean themselves out.

Over the holiday break I received an email from a company called Aussie Healthco. This is a company I mentioned in my Christmas Wishlist because I saw an enema kit there that looked like it was worth trying. In this fateful email, they offered to send me a sample kit that included both their enema bag and bulb kit for my honest review. Being the kind of person I am (impulsive and excitable) I leapt at the chance. A few more emails and a few days later, I received the Premium Purity Non-Toxic Transparent Silicone Enema Bag Kit and the Clear and Cleanable 7oz Enema Bulb Anal Douche Kit. These names are SUPER LONG so I’m just gonna refer to them as the enema and the bulb.

The bulb isn’t really anything special apart from the stainless steel tip. Now this I like quite a bit as sterilizable material is always good when you’re doing something internal, and especially when it’s anal. However, it generally feels like another anal bulb I tried a while ago. Lying on my back, I gently inserted the tip, squeezed the bulb and was rewarded with a whoosh of water in my ass. The sensation was fine, nothing notable either pleasure or pain-wise. I wish the bulb were also silicone so that I could dump the whole thing in a pot and boil it but that’s the case for many enema bulbs on the market. In short? This is like many others, but the clear aspect is kind of neat so it’s worth doing. Also, the ad copy on the website is a little interesting. The website uses the term ‘opaquely clear’ which is…not how we use the language. It’s clear what the website intended to convey, which is the translucency of the material, but it is an odd way to do it. Might I gently suggest a copy editor?

The real highlight of the afternoon was the enema bag. OH BOY. I struggled with this thing like NOBODY’S BUSINESS. First there was sanitizing it in boiling water, and struggling to clean the tubing and then slowly learning how to put the thing together. It took the better part of an hour to do this. Suffice to say? Read the instruction manual. It is invaluable.

It took several tries to get the enema bag to co-operate with me. First of all, filling the enema bag was a little tricky. It might be easier with a bucket, but as all I had was a sink, I made do. I held open the silicone bag, filled it with water and…then all the water came squirting out the other end, spraying wildly. Cussing viciously, I threw the spraying end in the bath tub. After adjusting the clamp, who’s design I dislike, I finally managed to lube the tip and get it into my ass. Then, releasing the clamp I felt water flood my guts nigh instantly. I lay on my back, knees on my chest and panting like I was running a marathon because that water was filling me way too fast and my belly starting feeling cold and cramped. The desire to empty myself was close to INSTANT. In my opinion? The clamp ought to be easier to adjust. It operates via slotting in the edge to the grooves and using that to hold pressure against the tubing. HOWEVER. It isn’t adjustable to slowly decrease pressure. You can slowly increase it for sure, but sliding it back a setting is pretty damned impossible. Queue a long and difficult time in the bathroom. Also, lukewarm water might’ve helped, as I now realize cold water contributed to the discomfort.

Voiding myself felt very odd. It was all the sensation of having food poisoning without any of the typical nausea. My body still has memories of a bad brisket that I ate so PERHAPS there was some residual trepidation on my part there but otherwise it was fairly inoffensive. The only problems happened with the enema kit was with being unable to fill and control the water flow. That led to much unnecessary spraying of water all around my bathroom. And made me feel filthy. First time enema users, prepare to rinse off after. You might be like me and need a good rinse after using an enema.

In all, it seems like the enema will be a thing of practice. I’m willing to give another shot in a few weeks so that my gut flora will recover, but for now? Chalk this up as another wet and wild Liz misadventure.