Laura Berman Kegel Exerciser Review

Fitness is vital to me. I’m a competitive athlete, which means I’m in the business of making sure I’m in good condition. Meaning, when I learned I could condition my pelvic floor muscles, I became very interested. Bubbling over with curiosity about this new form of exercise, I decided one day to treat myself and bought my first kegel exerciser after a recommendation from Epiphora. I purchased the Dr. Laura Berman Shades Of Purple Anastasia’s Delight Silicone Coated Orgasm Balls, in spite of the heinously long name, and from here on out will be the Laura Berman Kegel Exerciser. And as both a self professed Mega Jock and Sex Toy Enthusiast, it has my full approval on all counts except the hideously long name and stretchy retrieval cord.

The Laura Berman line on SheVibe is all made of shades of lavender silicone. For some, including me, who appreciate bright and vibrant colors, this makes the line rather boring to look at. However, looks can be ignored if the toy performs well. And the Laura Berman Kegel Exerciser does indeed perform.

At first glance it doesn’t appear to be anything special. Made of silicone and ABS plastic, the toy is safe and hygienic, so there’s no concern about putting something toxic in your body. But this simplicity belies what the real draw of the toy is. Inside, there are free rolling weighted balls that jiggle when you move or clench. When inside, the jiggling sensation is acutely pleasant, although in no way orgasm inducing as the name of the toy might suggest. In describing the sensation to a friend I found myself comparing it to vibration, and although that’s not exactly correct, it’s the closest I can think of. I’ve worn it to work, to physical therapy, to high class government events, and out in town. In every location, I can feel the jiggling going on inside me, a pleasant reminder of my vagina that reminds me to clench. It’s delightful and just a little kinky knowing that I’ve got a toy inside me and no one knows it. Over the past few months I’ve worn it, I have noticed that my pelvic area does feel more toned. Perhaps eventually I’ll have the crushing force I aspire to.

The toy can be worn a few ways, with one or two balls in. Unfortunately, no website I’ve looked at has the weights of each of the balls and I’ve been unable to weight them myself, which is beyond annoying. However, even as a novice kegeler I didn’t find it at all uncomfortable with both of the balls inside and opted to wear it that way. The stretchy silicone retrieval string is annoying an is perhaps one of the three main complaints I have with this toy. It makes little sense as the cord can become slippery, which is the opposite of helpful when trying to remove it, and can snap you in the clit if you’re not careful. I was snapped in the clit once, and I’m fairly certain people heard a loud ‘FUCK’ in that college dorm bathroom, even though the shower was running.

The toy is also priced quite reasonably, available at SheVibe for 19.99, the favored price for many infomercials. With the shipping it can be a little pricier, but in all still a fair price, especially since I’ve not seen anything cheaper that looks as well made.

Even with these flaws, this toy is an excellent and wallet friendly beginner toy for those seeking to up their kegel game. While it’s name is long, the cord is weird and the color uninteresting, the toy does what many toys are unable to do: it actually achieves its goal. It does strengthen your kegels and doesn’t have any extra bells and whistles to complain about. The toy also feels pretty damn good while it’s doing as well, and makes going down the stairs an adventure. It’s a damned simple and effective toy that I whole-heartedly recommend it.

An Approaching Anniversary: One Year With Paragard

CN: Mentions of pregnancy and abortion are within this piece

There is a certain agony in deciding how to start this story. It would be easy to begin it as a jaunty, peppy little informational story about my birth control. I could clean it up and avoid showing you the rough edges of how I got to where I am. My article could spare you the story of a girl in a panic as she considers a future with an unwanted pregnancy. You don’t have that the author called her best friend, sobbing and terrified that she might have to have an abortion. I could tell you a pretty, sanitized story about why I love my IUD with none of the dark parts about why I really got it.

But I won’t. Instead, I have decided to tell you that my choice to get Paragard was prompted by the severe pregnancy anxiety I had while I was on the pill. As an already anxious person with ADHD; combined with the fact that the pill needs to be taken consistently to be effective, my birth control became more of a source of stress than comfort for me. Constantly I worried whether or not I had taken the pill. Often, I took it irregularly, a few hours early or late.  When I was away traveling for collegiate tournaments, the start times would interfere with my pill and I agonized that I just couldn’t set a regular schedule and stick to it. And so the fear of pregnancy came at the tail end of every sexual encounter, a lingering doubt that somehow I would have to make an impossible choice. For some, the choice to end a pregnancy is, while not exactly easy, easier than it might be for me. They’re financially stable and in an area where it’s a more tolerable procedure. But I live in the South. I have conservative parents on whom I depend for financial security. Abortion, while it was something I could have accessed, would have wiped me out financially and would have caused a rift between my parents and myself, perhaps even to them cutting me off. It is a future that I wished desperately to avoid. It was unbearable living in this much fear; living while managing my money so that I would have the necessary funds in the event I needed an abortion or emergency contraception.

And so, I had one more anxiety filled night before I made my move. Earlier that night I called a nurse helpline to ascertain my chances of getting pregnant after my then fuck-buddy and now boyfriend had left my dorm room for the night. After I made that call, I pulled up more articles from Planned Parenthood and carefully researched my options. There were several long-term options available to me, but I knew which one I wanted. I wanted the copper IUD, Paragard. Paragard is the most effective emergency birth control, hands down. Paragard has an effectiveness of over 99% when inserted within 5 days of unprotected sex. Furthermore, Paragard is the longest lasting IUD, clocking in a lifespan of over 12 years. After I re-read these comforting articles, I made some calls and sent some emails. Originally, my plan was to go to Planned Parenthood to get my IUD inserted. However, the only availability they had was on a Friday that week, at the tail end of the IUD emergency effectiveness window. So when I called my campus OBGYN and found out they could accept me that afternoon, I canceled my appointment, letting the Planned Parenthood representative know I would be seen by another provider.

That afternoon, I went in for the procedure. Though it was a fairly simple procedure, I remember being so anxious that I felt emotionally numb. As I filled out the paperwork, I could barely think about what I was doing.

When I got back to the assigned room, the provider asked a few questions about my birth control status. I said I wanted to keep taking the pill and have the Paragard as backup. The male nurse looked at me oddly but didn’t refuse to do my procedure. Instead, he made sure that I wanted the Paragard IUD, asked me to take a urine pregnancy test, and asked if I wanted to be tested for STIs while I was there. I figured it was as good a time as any to get tested and headed to the bathroom with cup he provided me. After the pregnancy test confirmed that I wasn’t currently pregnant, I was asked to undress below the waist and to get into the stirrups. The procedure was not particularly memorable. Some people report that their IUD insertion was one of the most painful procedures of their life. For me, it felt like moderately bad cramps, and was nothing compared to the debilitating cramps I’d experienced last year. For reference, those cramps were so bad that I was impaired in my ability to walk. In trying to get from class to my dorm room, I was forced to sit down several times on the sidewalk and recover myself. The IUD insertion was nothing compared to that.

After the procedure, I did feel a bit woozy so I was asked to sit down and chill out for a while. I was also provided with the thickest menstrual pad I had ever seen. I tucked it into my underwear and waited for a few minutes before I headed out, where after had my blood drawn for STI. Once I had supplied the samples for the STI tests, I was discharged. When I approached the front desk, I owed nothing on leaving, though later I was charged about $300 for the procedure. Money well spent in my opinion.

The recovery period after I had my IUD inserted was about a week. During the week, I bled profusely. It was like an extremely heavy period, though the nurse I spoke to assured me there was nothing to worried about and that heavy bleeding was unfortunately normal. There was some discomfort as the IUD settled in, but it wasn’t overly painful, mainly it felt like being poked in the uterus, a sensation I’d never felt before. During the time the IUD settled in I developed a new anxiety; I was afraid of the IUD slipping out. While intellectually I knew that IUDs only fall out . 05-8% of the time, I still worried over it. I comforted myself by feeling the strings almost everyday for about a month and a half. After constantly checking for weeks, my anxiety slowly abated. I began to get comfortable with my birth control and I learned to enjoy the benefits it provides. Among the other excellent qualities, such as an effectiveness rate of 99% or more and effectives of 12 years, the Paragard also requires no maintenance. I check the strings once a month to make sure that everything is in place, and otherwise, I mostly forget it’s there. After that rough month, my period returned to normal. Or normalish. Paragard can make periods heavier, and I’m one of those people that happened for. In addition to this, I’ve been able to stop taking the hormonal birth control, which freed up my finances. While the pill wasn’t expensive per se, $15 a month every month did add up, and it’s extremely nice that I don’t have to budget for it anymore.

Since getting my IUD inserted, these past months have been absolutely serene. My boyfriend and I haven’t had any pregnancy scares, and therefore have had a pretty good sex life. Without the pair of us worrying about whether I’ll get pregnant and what would happen from that, we spend that energy doing things infinitely more wonderful. Like splitting a bottle of wine, watching lawyer shows, making dinner, having sex or spending an evening doing all of that. My IUD has made me feel confident and secure and has lifted the burden of anxiety of my shoulders.

I’ll be celebrating my one-year anniversary on September 12th, having spent the last year worrying hardly at all about pregnancy thanks to my IUD. And in case any of you were still wondering about how I feel about this device, I 100% recommend it to anyone who’s at risk for pregnancy. This device is damn near fool proof and has given your’s truly peace of mind that is as of yet unparalleled from any other device. Now, excuse me while I shop for celebratory champagne.

NJoy Pure Plug Medium Review

Pure Plug 82618I am someone who loves anal…in theory. What this means is, I often find myself getting off thinking getting my ass stretched, but in reality, my ass is just a little bit more er…up tight. It takes a lot of warm up for me to start enjoying anal and sometimes I have trouble with even the smaller plugs. As someone who wants to be a comprehensive slut, finding something comfortable for anal has been something of a challenge. When I read good reviews about the NJoy Pure Plugs I became intrigued. Weighty but easy to insert? Comfortable? Pleasurable? I often looked at them on websites, thinking of how it would feel to own my own. The stats seemed to be in my favor: The plug was 2.5 inches wide and 1.25 inches at the widest point. Fairly un-intimidating. So I watched for an opportunity, and when the sale was right, I snapped one up.

Well they were right. This is a story about how I finally found a plug that doesn’t feel like it wants to tear my ass apart, feels deliciously weighty, has a base that makes sense and most of all, makes me understand why people love butt plugs. But as it turns out, I had to learn to love the Pure Plug, as it took a few tries to understand the hype.

Attempt #1

The day my boyfriend leaves I am sad. I also have a friction burn on my vagina. Still wanting to masturbate in some way, I think of the Pure Plug that my boyfriend didn’t love. I wonder then if it would work for me. I head to the bedroom, lube up my fingers and get ready to warm up. But I feel my body resist the penetration. I feel pain around the entrance, like I usually do when I’m not into it. I roll my eyes, trying to get my butt to cooperate. I lube up the toy and try to insert it. Failure, it feels like being prodded in the butt. It’s uncomfortable. I get irritated and move to the smallest plug that I own, something no larger that my own index finger. Again, failure. It felt like being prodded in the ass. My body won’t relax enough to accept anything back there and I finally listen to it and relent. In the back of my mind I feel a little ashamed, I know other reviewers can fit the medium size no problem. But then, the other reviewers would tell me to listen to my body and not force it. So I leave it alone and I don’t jerk off.

Attempt #2

This time, I am determined to get the plug into me. And this time, I’m actually turned on enough to want some kind of penetration. I lay down on the bed and this time when I try to warm up, I don’t feel immediate rejection. Things are actually pleasurable this time. Hopeful, I lube up the Pure Plug and try again. It takes a minute, with me easing the plug in and out, but at last I triumph. The Pure Plug slides into place and a wave of satisfaction rolls over me. Oh yes. I spend a minute savoring the feeling, clenching around it. It’s not uncomfortable. My butt actually likes the Pure Plug there. This is a new feeling for me, as most plugs have left my ass with an uncomfortably full feeling, despite my efforts. I spend time luxuriating in the fact that I got this admittedly sort of petite plug in my ass. I wear it for hours, enjoying the weight of it in my butt. I sit and work on my other posts with the Pure Plug in my butt, feeling very much like a proper sex blogger. The base doesn’t agitate my butt cheeks, and when the base is nudged, my nerves light up. Later, I masturbate with it in and it’s a wonderful, full bodied orgasm when combined with the Mystic Wand.

Attempts #3+

Every time after, I’ve been successful with the Pure Plug. While it’s not been a plug I can slip in instantaneously, it has gotten easier over time. I’ve mainly worn it around the house, feeling it in me as I make coffee, write emails and browse Twitter. It’s like the Pure Plug reminds me I have a butt in the most pleasant way. In masturbation, it’s a fun accessory, and gently jiggling the handle provides thrilling stimulation to an anal newbie like myself. As someone who wants to love anal but has a lot of difficulty with it, I think this is going to be the plug that gets me into it more comfortably. I would highly recommend this as a first plug for it’s petite size, smart design and excellent base. And also because stainless steel is just a beautiful sex toy material.

You can find the Pure Plugs of all sizes at Peepshow Toys, and as of 8/26 they’re having a 20% off sale on them, along with some other fantastic toys! Go stuff your orifices with some gorgeous stainless steel!

The Fire Down Below: UTIs

Do you have a vulva? Are you sexually active? Then you’ve likely had a UTI or a Urinary Tract Infection. I am someone who falls into the category of people that have UTIs chronically. For the better part of my sexually active life, I’ve been dealing with one infection after another. I’d feel that tell-tale burning in my vagina and sigh. I’d schedule a doctor’s appointment for the following day and wait up all night, enduring the burning of my urethra as I waited for it to be time to head out to the doctor. This burning followed a number of sexual encounters, such that it made my partner concerned that sex was hurting me. Luckily, this wasn’t the case and we found out the underlying issue, which I’ll talk about in a later post. For now, I’m going to give you some tricks and tips on dealing with your first or your 101st UTI.


The best treatment is prevention and I stand by that. If you can avoid having an infection that’s the most optimal case. I’ve seen a few tips posted all over so I’m going to share a few here for you.

  • Stay hydrated, pee when you need to: If you’re dehydrated and/or not going when you need to, you’re more susceptible to infection. Regularly staying hydrated will make harder for bacteria to hang out inside you!
  • D-Mannose: This is a powder that when taken orally makes it difficult for the bacteria to hang out in you as well. It sort of…coats your insides so that bacteria can’t hold onto the walls of your body.
  • Cranberry: This is what everyone claims works, but I’m honestly a little skeptical. If you do want to try cranberry, it’s unlikely to hurt you, but make sure you get something without sugar. If the juice is too tart for you to stomach (it was for me) then cranberry pills are a viable option.
  • Wipe front to back: This one is to prevent fecal matter from getting into your urethra and causing issue there.
  • Pee after sex, every time: This is to clear out whatever might’ve been pushed into your urethra from just about any form of sex, though it’s most common that people with vulvas get UTIs after penetrative sex.
  • Making sure both you and your partner have showered or freshened up: A) this is nice because they’ll smell nice and fresh and B) it’ll help prevent UTIs if you’re rinsed off before hand.

Following all of these is not a guarantee of preventing a UTI of course. You could be the most hydrated, cranberry-swilling, D-Mannose-swallowing babe out there and still come down with a UTI. However, these are the most common tips to avoid getting one.


So what happens when you do get one? I do have some tips for those in the grip of an infection as well. These will make your infection suck less and will help you heal, as well as get a little pain relief.

  • Go to a doctor: The most important thing is that you get medication as quick as you can. While UTIs aren’t terribly dangerous at first, they can get worse, spreading to your bladder and kidneys. I’m not saying you’re immediately going to your kidneys, but this is something you should only ever sit on for a few days at most. Schedule an appointment as soon as you can so you can get better faster.
  • Hydrate: Drink lots of water. Find the biggest water bottle you have. Fill it and drink all of it. Then do it again. This will help flush your system and make getting over your infection easier.
  • AZO is your friend: These are over the counter drugs that are painkillers and will make your life more manageable as you wait to see the doctor. I recommend that every person with a vulva and every person who is dating a person with a vulva have something like this in the house along with Monistat. UTIs can cause some serious pain, and if you absolutely have to do things before going to the doctor, this will make your life much easier while you do it. But absolutely this is no substitute for going to the doctor.
  • Ice: For a little relief, you can fill a Ziploc with ice, wrap a washcloth around it and sit on it. Make sure there’s a barrier between the ice and your vulva, otherwise it could cause more pain!
  • Avoid sugar and caffeine: Sugar will make your body more inviting to bacteria, which you don’t want. Caffeine is a bladder irritant, and may make your pain worse. As sucky as it is, you might have to go decaf for a week so that you can heal.
  • Don’t have sex: Listen, the medication you’re going to take is likely going to make you feel better in 24-36 hours. You are not better yet. Take all of your medication and then wait until seven days have past before going for penetration again. Otherwise, you can make your infection worse or end up having a ‘partially treated’ UTI that necessitates another round of medication. It sucks, don’t do it.

With these tips in mind, you should start feeling better. Take the advice of your doctor and make sure that you’re hydrated and you should be well on your way to getting over a UTI in about a week. Take care y’all!

What to watch out for: Toxic Toys

“You get what you pay for,” is an adage that I have heard since I was old enough to have memories. Most often I heard it when I attempted to get something cheap that broke when I should’ve gotten something more expensive that would’ve lasted as long as I needed it. If you’ve ever met me in person, then you know I often get wound up about people buying toxic sex toys just because they’re cheap. But since you probably haven’t met me, I’ll go ahead and tell you that nothing upsets me quite as much as any sex toy made of materials that are unsafe. Unsafe materials include (but aren’t limited to):

  • PVC
  • Jelly
  • “Skin Safe” rubber
  • Latex (fine for condoms, they’re one use)
  • Cyberskin/Fantaflesh/Other proprietary TPE/TPR blends
  • TPE and TPR.

What makes these unsafe or toxic toy materials? Well the first thing to note is that all these materials are porous, meaning that they’re all going to hold onto bacteria from use and can harbor viruses, mold and fungi. This happens due to the fact that after you use your toy, you can’t clean the microscopic pores of the toy where bacteria have made a home. No anti bacterial toy cleaner will help, as this will still only clean the surface of your toy and not penetrate the pores. Since you can’t clean it, bacteria, mold and other nasties will have free reign to grow in your toy while you store it. This means when you go to use your toy again, you risk giving yourself an illness or infection from the bacteria you reintroduce into your body. This can lead to chronic yeast infections, UTIs and potentially STIs if shared with someone who was positive for an STI.

In addition to this porous nature, these materials are also subject to a host of other problems: unstable material, potential for having pthalates in the material, and toxicity of the material. Unstable materials are bad for a variety of a reasons. These toys will “sweat” meaning they might leach oil or melt under certain conditions. Two toys in an unstable material will react with each other and might melt into each other. If they’re reacting to each other this way and degrading day by day simply by existing, what these toys are doing in the human body is a horrible thing to consider. In both the anus and the vagina, there are mucus membranes and susceptible ecosystems. Subjecting either to the toxic toys and you could very easily upset this delicate ecosystems. Further more, these unstable materials have the potential to have a nasty chemical reaction inside your body. With this in mind, these toys are best avoided.

What are some safe materials then? Well, there are plenty! They include:

  • Silicone
  • Glass (borosilicate or soda lime)
  • Wood (properly sealed)
  • Stone (properly sealed)
  • Ceramic (with the correct glaze)
  • ABS Plastic
  • Stainless Steel

All of these materials are non-porous and non-toxic. They can be sanitized by boiling (if not a vibrator) or being spritzed with a ten percent bleach solution and then rinsed thoroughly. These materials will not degrade over time, are not able to hold onto bacteria, are sterilizable, waterproof and overall the most hygienic and body-safe options for toy materials.

These body-safe toys range in price, and so almost anyone can find a toy at a price point they can afford. SheVibe possesses a range of stock where you can find inexpensive toy options by searching from low to high pricing. Also, both Funkit Toys and Uberrime have put out new lines of affordable body-safe dildos which look great for people looking for their first dildo.

If you’re curious about sex toy material and safety, I’ve provided a little extra reading here below:

Dangerous Lilly’s Platinum Silicone Myths

Dangerous Lilly’s Toxic Toy Guide

Epiphora – Your Genitals Deserve Better

Now armed with some basic knowledge of what to watch out for, you’ll have a much better time in purchasing and using sex toys. So go forth and buy toys!

Vibratex Mystic Wand Review

A faithful standby that’s more than worth the  amount of batteries it eats.

As I mentioned in the first review that I ever wrote, the first Mystic Wand I ever received caught on fire. This was upsetting and led to me emailing the company in a panic and getting the Turbo Glider to tide me over. Luckily, the company was kind enough to send me a replacement. As I waited, I imagined the orgasms I would have with it. And on the day it came, it was all I could do to not shred the packaging in the college mail room.

I can now tell you that this toy was more than worth the wait and the initial fiery mishap. I have used it solo, I have had my partner use it on me, I’ve used it when I’m depressed, and I’ve gotten off on even the first setting. This is a powerful little workhorse of a toy, has a design that makes sense, and is at a more than reasonable price.

The specs

The Mystic Wand is not exactly a wee thing, though it is often billed as a smaller alternative to the Hitachi. It clocks in at a little over eight inches long and the head of the toy is 1.75 in wide. The head is made of silicone, while the handle is a velvety smooth plastic. The toy takes a whopping 4 AA batteries, all of which need to be inserted correctly, lest ye risk sending your toy to an early fiery demise as I did. To insert the batteries, you unscrew the base of the toy, pop them in, and then screw the cap back on. I had no difficulties with it, and I think only those with serious motor issues would have trouble with the battery cap.

Cleaning the toy can be a little aggravating due to the grooves in the head, which is the only point in the design that I find fault with, along with the fact that the toy is only splash proof. Since you can’t dunk the toy underwater to clean it you’re stuck cleaning the little crevices by hand. You can use soap and water and clean the little grooves in the head with a finger nail to get in the crevices. I often spritz the toy with bleach solution and clean it with a Q-tip so as to ensure that the toy is as clean as possible and is sanitized.

In use

There are three steady intensities and three patterns. Predictably, it starts on a ‘low’ intensity and then graduates to the medium and high intensities. That low intensity is excellent though, as the vibrations have a rumbly quality that are a nice way to ease into masturbation. However, while I enjoy this low setting and am more than capable of orgasming with it (I was watching porn once with the Mystic Wand on the first setting, and was so turned on that I came in five minutes), my clit’s preferred setting is the middle intensity. It’s a more aggressive sensation that makes me gasp and make faces, something more intense but not enough to numb me. I most often turn up to the medium setting and have a very satisfying orgasm there.

There are patterns in this wand, but I find them distracting in use. I prefer to stick to the lovely steady intensities. The patterns change intensities or go through and escalation pattern that tease me very well, but most often during masturbation, I don’t want to be teased. I just want to get off.

Other little features that I love about the Mystic Wand: The lights are color coded! It’s absolutely adorable. The low intensity is green, the medium intensity is orange and the highest is red. I also love that the power button and the setting button are two different buttons. While I do have to cycle through all the intensities if you overshoot your preferred one, it’s not that big a deal to me. I just like being able to immediately turn off my toy and restart at the lowest setting, as sometimes my clit can get overstimulated.

In partnered use, the toy is excellent. It’s fairly intuitive and easy to understand for people not yet accustomed to wielding vibrators on their partner and positioning is fairly easy. It’s also small enough to use during penetration, and I’ve successfully done so in a few sessions with my partner.

Final thoughts

In all, this is a fantastic toy that I whole heartedly recommend. It’s priced well at $49 at SheVibe and is something I would recommend to anyone looking for strong external stimulation. It’s versatile, attractive and strong and would make a welcome addition to anyone’s toy box.

A Dish Served Three Ways: Coconut Oil

Over the past month I’ve managed to go through an entire jar of coconut oil. I’ve used it for a variety of things including makeup remover, moisturizer and lube. All the while I kept careful notes on how it performed at each of these tasks, quietly planning on making a post about it when I had finally finished the jar. Well, that day has come. And I’m here to say that this is a worthy thing to add to your daily arsenal, though it excels at some things rather than others.

Use No. 1: A moisturizer

On my skin, coconut oil feels luxurious, more so than the regular lotion that I use. It smells fantastic and it really does soften my skin. I’ve used it on my legs, my butt, and all the rest of my body. I’ve used it both before shaving after seeing Girly Juice’s recommendation  and after shaving, but I found it worked better as something to moisturize my body after a shave rather than before. In fact, I noticed I had slightly more irritation when I used it beforehand rather than after. I can’t figure out exactly why this is, perhaps because I didn’t use a fresh razor or perhaps the coconut oil made my skin softer, but the fact is that I was more irritated when using it before hand. Ah well, your mileage may very, but I’d recommend using it after.

I also loved how shiny it made my whole body look. One day I felt particularly luxe and decided to smother my whole body in it, put on a face mask and then wrap myself in a robe. I felt extremely decadent as I watched Twin Peaks and marveled at my slick, shiny legs.

The only draw back for me was that the coconut oil took a long time to soak into my skin, meaning I’d have to clear out a chunk of time waiting for my legs to stop being slippery. My other lotion soaked in much faster. So if I have dry legs and I’m strapped for time, I don’t end up using the coconut oil. But if I want to feel as decadent as possible, I rub some on and settle in for some thriller shows on Netflix.

Use No. 2: As a makeup remover

I’m someone who’s just recently started to get really into makeup. I’ve been looking into long lasting waterproof stuff so that I don’t have to worry about things like reapplication or smudging or anything. Unfortunately, waterproof and long lasting makeup means that taking off my makeup can be a real pain in the ass if I don’t buy makeup remover. Or at least, it used to mean that until I used coconut oil.

I swear, coconut oil kicks ass as a makeup remover. Waterproof mascara? Easy. Liquid eyeliner? No problem. Foundation? Consider it gone. Long wear lipstick? IT’S OVER. Coconut oil melts makeup and makes taking my long wear looks off easy. Also, unlike some other makeup removers, when you inevitably get this in your eye, it doesn’t sting. It does make seeing out of one eye a little blurry, but rinsing your eyes out is pretty easy.

Use No. 3: As a lube

So first things first: I only used coconut oil as an anal lube so that should be taken into account. I wasn’t able to use it vaginally since I’ve been bounced from UTI to yeast infection and to my menstrual cycle all in quick succession. July was not a great month for penetration vaginally. Nonetheless, I bulled ahead and used it for anal penetration, curious to see how it felt.

On my first try using the coconut oil it was almost entirely liquid. It slid off the dildo and provided only a thin layer of lube, which led to a frustrating experience trying to get what felt like a dry dildo into my ass. I pretty quickly gave up on that plan and switched over to my standby lube, Good Clean Love. I resolved I would try again later.

The second and subsequent tries went better. When in a semiliquid state, the coconut oil was thick enough to provide some cushion between the new butt plug I was using and my ass. It felt much more comfortable. And as a bonus, I didn’t leave any ass smell on the plug. It just smelled like coconut! I was pretty happy to discover this.

Now that it’s moving on to August and my vagina finally feels normal, I’m going to get a new jar of it and use it. But this time I’m not going to stick my fingers in it. According to Dangerous Lilly, you ought to use the decanting method so as to not encourage bacteria growth in your coconut oil. With this in mind, I’m excited to try it out.

Final thoughts

Over the past month, I’ve appreciated having such a useful multitool in life. It’s not often there’s a product that removes makeup, moisturizes my skin and also lets me put toys in my ass, all while smelling excellent. I would highly recommend to anyone looking for a good oil based lube to try virgin, unrefined coconut oil for toys as it’s the least likely to cause any issues. Coconut oil is compatible with most materials, but not with things such as TPE or PVC or Jelly. It’s also not condom compatible, so keep in mind that when you’re considering a lube for partnered play. In all, I highly recommend coconut oil as a cornerstone for both your beauty and sexual needs.

Warming Up: Part One on Foreplay

Something that’s been on my mind lately has been foreplay. Not just because I’m a particularly libidinous individual, but also because I’ve had someone ask me about it. I wanted to write something like a guide for properly going about foreplay, but I thought it would be important to first define what it is (at least, what I think it is) and why it’s important. So consider this a part one in my writing about foreplay, because while I think having some solid actionable tips are fun, having a better understanding of what it is and why it’s important first will make those tips more useful by putting them in context.

The definition of foreplay that I’ll be using runs something like this: ‘The sexual or sensual acts leading up to/warming up for the primary sexual event.’ This is admittedly a broad definition and I’m sure a lot of people would have fun with pointing out that many things which are not traditionally considered foreplay would fall into that category. Nonetheless, I think it’s worthwhile to have a definition like this, which allows for a wide variety of sexual acts to be considered the main sexual event. This definition also doesn’t put penetration at the center of sexual encounters, making it a more useful term for those people who, for a variety of reasons, cannot or will not have penetrative sex.

Now that I’ve got my definition down, why is foreplay important? There are a few reasons, some of which are mental and some of which are physical. For the physical side, foreplay provides a time and space for people to get ready for the main sexual event. In the same way that athletes stretch and warm up their bodies for their athletic event, the participants in the sexual encounter also need to be warmed up. Physical arousal takes time for any person, and going through gentler preparation can help for a more physically intensive event. For cis women about to have penetrative sex, foreplay might include oral sex or fingering so that they can become aroused enough. For cis men, foreplay might also include oral sex, as well as things like fingering or kissing. By engaging in foreplay, people become physically aroused enough to go on to their main event, whatever it might.

Foreplay also has a mental component in addition to people being physically warmed up enough. During the time people engage in foreplay, they can also ask questions about how they’d like the main encounter to go. The participants involved might have already discussed what it is that they want to do, communication every step of the way is important, especially when approaching the actual act. These warm up acts also allow the parties to get into a good mindset for whatever it is that they plan on doing. It might seem frivolous that someone might need warm up for something such as an evening of missionary sex or oral, but the truth is that it’s important for everyone involved to be ready for how performing these acts will feel physically and emotionally.

Questions about foreplay are everywhere. How much is enough? What counts as foreplay and what counts as sex? The answer is pretty frustrating: It’s up to you and your partner or partners. If you decide that a blowjob is the main event and everything up to it is foreplay, then that’s your decision. Similarly, if you decide that ten minutes is enough foreplay for penetrative sex, that’s also your decision. Some people really don’t need much to get ready while others need a slower, longer session to be able to get into it. It’s frustrating to be told nothing is certain, I understand that. But I’m afraid that’s a part of the human experience. I could say 20 minutes is the minimum amount of foreplay, but it would be arbitrary and not true for a lot of people who need more time or for people who find that they’re more than ready with just under ten minutes. The most important thing here is to communicate with whomever you’re with and asking if they’re ready to move on to whatever you’ve decided to do next. If you’re communicating honestly and openly with your partner, foreplay should be a fun and sexy way to get ready for whatever your main event is.