March 2019 – Rocket Girl Writes

Five Quick Pick Me Ups

This week has been tough for me! In between writing and testing and looking for a place to move to, I’ve been doing my best to keep the stress under wraps! I’ve been lucky that I’ve been able to keep it up so far, and here’s what I’ve been using most often to get through the days!

Mindful Meditation: Meditation sounds kind of new age and spiritualist, but it has real health benefits. Namely, it reduces stress! When I’ve been feeling overwhelmed lately, I tap on my Calm app and squeeze in a quick session. Focusing on my breath helps me return to the present moment and get things done when I need to get them done.
Browsing cute animal photos: This is kinda cheesy, but often I’ll look at adorable bird pictures to cheer myself up. Looking at something that makes me happy reminds me that there’s more to my life than my worries and day-to-day issues. I especially love the r/bears subreddit which has loads of cute photos of bears and the r/superbowl subreddit which features superb owls!
Listening to a podcast or audio book: Getting engrossed in something like PseudoPod (my favorite horror podcast) or listening to The Sword of Shannara really helps me calm down. It’s a kind of escapism I can really appreciate on my commute and can give me the mental space I need to recharge and take on the rest of my day. Other podcasts I love are: The Adventure Zone, Tanis, The Black Tapes and Alice Isn’t Dead! I’m always in the market for more horror podcasts and I’m looking into the No Sleep Podcast as well!
Going outside and mentally cataloguing what I see: A lot of times, we end up zoning out and living in anticipation of the future and not appreciating the present moment. I find a good way for me to get out of this is to try and get outside. There, I make myself really consider what I’m looking at. ‘There’s blooming daffodils’ I’ll think, and then I’ll list other things. How many trees are in view. What the weather is like. How many birds I can hear. Getting immersed in my surroundings brings me back to the now, where I can actually do things rather than the future, where I can’t do anything yet!
Snacking on something yummy: Sometimes a good way to get in the zone is to engage your senses, as evidenced by my above methods. So if you engage your eyes and ears, why not also engage your taste buds? I like to snack on pretzels with peanut butter pockets, peanut butter banana bites and uh…well anything having to do with bananas or peanut butter! Anything I can eat helps me regain energy and helps me refocus on the present moment rather than ruminating over the past or angsting about the future.

Most of these techniques are all about bringing myself back to the present moment. Instead of worrying about things that may be or ruminating over past failures, choosing to focus on the present makes me less stressed and more productive. Being a naturally anxious person, I’ve experienced some measure of stress reduction as I’ve employed being mindful in my daily life. What do you do to reduce stress?

Uncategorized

Fiction and Reality: Coping Mechanism or Not?

CN Warning: Mentions of non-consent as fiction discussed below

Today I had some complicated thoughts regarding fiction and its place in our lives. And how it can affect reality. My specific thoughts were regarding taboo topics like pornography with themes of non-consent and other taboo, illegal or violent themes. Honestly I ought to cut and paste from my FB chats with my boyfriend what exactly I think, but I’ll honestly try to reproduce my thoughts here in this blog post.

I think people broadly fall into two camps whose main axioms run thus: The first group believes that fiction is a safe place for individuals to explore things they would not do in reality. The second group believes that fiction can and often does affect reality and has consequences because of human interpretation and experience. Many arguments are made that because a work is ‘just fiction’ that it ought not to be taken as a guide or even and endorsement of the activities that take place therein. And that’s fair enough. Many who have suffered real life traumas also use fiction as a coping mechanism. For example, a survivor of rape might create a work of non-con erotica in order to re-contextualize and reclaim their experience that they suffered. I believe that this a valid strategy provided that the individual is, to the best of their knowledge, using this as a way to cope without re-traumatizing themselves. However, I also believe that same work could have drastically harmful effects on another survivor who sees their experience of rape being eroticized. Not to mention, people who would like to or are in reality rapists might find such erotic work validating and normalizing. A survivor’s attempt to cope with their experience could very easily damage another survivor and validate a rapist who takes the work of fiction to be an endorsement of their actions.

It’s not like I don’t understand the argument for fiction being an exploratory space. I totally and completely understand that someone might create a raw, violent and intensely emotional piece of fiction in order to cope with past traumatic events. I think having pieces of fiction that allow us to explore and work through traumatic events is incredibly valuable. Furthermore, there’s some evidence to suggest that survivors can ‘re-write’ their traumatic experiences by re-enacting them differently. But other evidence suggests that some people can be re-traumatized by the same material, so the situation remains sticky as ever.

The first solution most people argue to the problem is to tag such works with appropriate things that denote the content. I would agree that tagging things so that survivors who want to engage in catharsis via their preferred method can do so, while allowing those wish not to see it to avoid it by black-listing or otherwise avoiding that tag. However, you have to wonder if by flagging it, you’re also making the material easily searchable for rapists and pedophiles and what have you who find the work encouraging and validating. Now you have an easily searchable database full of your preferred taboo, and no one can criticize you if you claim to be a survivor. It’s so skull-splittingly hard to determine people’s motives and the truth online, and even in real life. Who knows why someone clicked on your non-con pornography? Maybe it was a survivor looking for catharsis? Or perhaps someone looking to indulge a kink they would never consider acting out in real life? Maybe it was a rapist looking for pornography to jack off to. It’s really impossible to know what someone behind the other end of your screen thinks.

One of my thoughts today was if there ought to be a website which is entirely run by survivors who would like to have their work accessible to others. It would need to be very explicitly run by survivors and have some kind of disclaimer on the front page that might read: “By clicking on this, you understand that the work hosted here is made by survivors who wish to create something by which they can reclaim and control their experiences. By consuming this content, you understand that the creator does not endorse the events depicted. Furthermore, by consuming this content, you agree that you will not use this content in such a way as to promote or perpetrate the acts or events that are depicted in these works. To re-post these works outside of this context constitutes a violation and a subsequent banning from this site, as removal of the context will vastly change the meaning of this work and make it a damaging force to survivors who wish not to interact with works of this nature.” I think such a disclaimer would adequately communicate the intent of a website, but as I stated it above, when you create a work and make it available to view, you invite anyone to view it for any reason.

Ultimately, I suppose that I believe people should be able to do as they like with their personal fiction. But I further believe that a lot of the works with the themes mentioned above might not be suitable for a wider viewing audience because of the potential for harm.

What are your thoughts on fiction that portrays violence or taboo themes?

Writing and Blogging

Growth and Development: Reading, Writing and Meditating

I’ve meditated upon my craft quite a bit lately. Recently I’ve been on a reading kick and its been exhilarating. I’ve purchased The Elements of Style, The Artists’ Way and Bird By Bird, all excellent writing manuals. I’ve also got 10 Percent Happier on my Audible account and new earbuds to listen to it with; and while I find the work a little bit more memoir than helpful, its been enjoyable to listen to nonetheless. Per the recommendation of The Artist’s Way, I made a commitment to doing morning pages and meditating, trying to get myself back into the swing of writing. I find that after I do my morning pages that I feel a little unburdened, and that words pour out more simply. Maybe they aren’t good words and they require some polishing, but I feel delighted nonetheless that they flow outwards.

I’ve also finished reading Come As You Are and Becoming Cliterate, both interesting books on sex. I found Come As You Are to be powerfully illuminating and I believe it merits another, deeper read. I’m hoping to secure more sexual literature in general though, so that I can turn my writing skills and fascination with sex into a synthesized whole. To write beautifully and clearly about the sexual cycle, how we go from arousal to desire would be amazing. I’ve seriously thought about creating a sexuality and writing group course in the hopes of fostering more community engagement with sex writers. Making a list of required reading, constructing PowerPoints, and holding academic discussion about sex online is an exciting thought, and I know with my experience of coaching fencing that I enjoy teaching.

One of my issues recently has been my inability to stick with a project. I find it difficult to stay interested in any one thing for very long, a function of my ADD mind. A million ideas flood through my brain on the daily: holding sex community events, creating sexual literacy classes, creating a podcast on sex, life and horror and more. It can be a lot to manage all my ideas and I’m still looking for compatible software to sort ideas into actionable ones. Saving them all in a Word document feels clumsy to me and isn’t aesthetically pleasing. Let me know in the comments what organising software you use to keep track of ideas! But further more, scheduling and sticking to a schedule is going to be the next thing on my list.

But first and foremost, this is going to be the week where I publish a post everyday. Maybe it will be more navel gazing in the sense that this is me fiddling about with my writing style and giving you a peek into the disordered, chaotic, joyful and agonized brain by turns. With luck though, I’ll make some excellent posts and grow a little bit more as a writer.

Reviews

Fuze Major Review

In the course of my reviewing career, I have reviewed fantastical mermaids, zombie penises, dildos that look like nothing in particular and dildos that more resemble abstract art than the human phallus. Put simply, I haven’t seen a realistic dildo since starting reviewing, and until recently owned exactly one dildo that could claim to be realistic. But ever since SheVibe took me on their reviewer program, I’ve had the chance to expand my sexual horizons by asking for…a dildo that looks like a penis, aka the Fuze Major. Listen, this is BRAIN-BREAKINGLY funny to me. Having more experience with silicone unicorn horns than penises? OF COURSE THIS WOULD BE MY LIFE.

Anyway, in attempting to broaden my horizons so to speak, I asked SheVibe to send me the Fuze Major, an uncut suction cup dildo. It’s a petite thing compared to the monster dildos that comprise my usual fare, but for most people it would probably fall in the average range. At 6 1/4 inches in length and around 1.5 inches in thickness, the Major has dimensions that would most likely be found on a cis man. The Fuze Major also fairly emulates what an uncut cis man might look like, which for some will be a serious draw and for others a major turn off. For my own tastes, I love the foreskin on this toy which is why I asked for it. Uncut toys are something of a rarity and having the chance to own one was something I jumped on!

FUZE MAJOR PRODUCT PHOTO — The Fuze posed outside in the warm afternoon sun.

Using this toy however, required adjusting my expectations. I’ve been wooed by the soft and squishy dual density toys of late, so I was a little surprised when I gave the Major a squeeze and it didn’t squish. Like the Hollywood vision of military personnel, the Major is firm and fairly inflexible, but its average size makes it so that it can be used after just a little fingering. Sliding it in, I couldn’t feel the foreskin as much as I could the veiny texture of the shaft. That was a little disappointing as I was hoping to really feel it! But the shape of the head was bulbous and pronounced enough that I could feel it on my G-spot. It excelled as both a static and thrusting dildo, and I really enjoyed clenching around it as I gorged my eyes on porn and put the Exposed Nocturnal on my clit. I find myself reaching for it when I want to fantasize about fucking someone uncut, though it hasn’t exactly revolutionized anything in terms of shape or squish. The aesthetics of the Major are really attractive to me

Also, the suction cup is nothing to sneeze at. Once I stuck it to my headboard, it hung out there for the whole day. To go to sleep, I had to yank it off the headboard because it otherwise WOULD NOT FALL OFF. Kudos Fuze, this is a powerful suction cup!

The moment I really want to talk about though, was the time I used it in my harness. As I slid the Major through the O-ring, I marveled at how attractive it looked on me. Looking at myself in the mirror, I couldn’t stop staring at the perky Major bobbing from my pelvis. I lubed up and jacked off my artificial erection, hypnotized by the babe in the mirror who was stroking her cock along with me. I felt an erotic flush slowly creep over my body as I watched my self in the mirror. And when I slipped in the Exposed Nocturnal to vibrate my clit while I jerked off? It was confusing, erotic and thrilling all at the same time and I found myself quickly working towards orgasm. I’ve sometimes had fantasies of having my own dick and the Major is what I imagine it would look like if I grew one rather than used a store bought one. Since that episode I’ve been fantasizing non-stop about hot strap-on sex with more than just the Major; visions of fucking someone with the Splendid, Frank’s Monster and the Vamp dance through my head…mmm thanks Major, you’ve opened my eyes.

This is a dildo for people who like average sized dildos that are fairly firm and offer a nice amount of G-spot stimulation. This dildo is also for people who prefer more realistic style dildos and have been aching for some intact representation! This is a fantasy dildo not in the sense that it belongs on a fantasy creature, but that it fulfills the fantasy of fucking or bearing an uncut member. For someone who fantasizes about either, the Major is a dildo worthy of consideration.

This product was sent to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks SheVibe!

Reviews

Teal Treasures: The Tantus Chubby

Tantus products so far have been kind of a sore spot for me. The much vaunted (and most reasonably priced) Vamp didn’t work for my body, with the sulcus catching on something internal causing a pinching sensation. The nipple clamps were so painful that I couldn’t try them for more than a few seconds (OH BOO HOO, I KNOW). But the Tantus Chubby has redeemed the Tantus name…at least in my eyes. Controversially named the They/Them at first and undergoing some slight re-design, the Chubby originally caught my eye because of that dreamy peacock color. But it held my attention after one memorable session.

The Chubby, as its name implies, is a stout dildo that boasts 4.7″ worth of insertable length, making it shorter than average. But at 1.75″ of girth, it’s a chunky fella and probably requires a bit of warm up for newer players, especially in such a firm density.

Now, I understand that the Chubby is purported to be in Tantus’ Super Soft Density. However, the Chubby doesn’t have any real squish to it, so don’t purchase it thinking that it’s going to squish like a dual density dildo.

The Chubby cannot be used as a warm up dildo unless you know you’re perfectly good with thick, firm penetration right off the bat. I myself am not, so when using the Chubby before any other toy or without warmup, I would feel an intense to the point of painful stretch at my vaginal opening. It in fact felt like my vagina was being pried open and gagged, which is PRETTY UNCOMFORTABLE. However, after warming myself up a little more with fingers and smaller dildos, I found it a lot easier to take. The Tantus Chubby excels when I use it midway through my typical masturbation session, when my vagina has opened up more and is ready for something more intense.

The shape of the dildo is fairly straight and it has minimal texture, making the Chubby unsuitable for people who need a curve to enjoy intense G-spot, prostate, or vaginal wall stimulation. The Tantus Chubby is there to fill up your chosen orifice and exert some pressure on it without bashing into your cervix or going too deeply in your ass. Because I enjoy girth and haven’t fully come to appreciate INTENSE G spot stimulation, I find the Chubby to be delightful when I can fit it in me. What can I say? I’M A GIRTH QUEEN.

TANTUS THEY THEM PRODUCT PHOTO — The Tantus Chubby posed like an Easter Egg in the grass.

The Tantus Chubby also prompted me to introduce a new technique into my masturbatory repertoire: fully insert the Chubby and get some delicious pleasure/pain sensations when it gently rubs against my cervix. I’m not usually a fan of cervical pressure, so this was pretty surprising! Kudos to you Tantus, for getting me into something new and different. During the one memorable session I mentioned earlier, I suddenly had an idea. I stuffed myself fully with the Chubby and then, rather than thrusting conventionally, I slapped the base of it strongly, prompting intense jolts of pleasure. This particular technique also had the benefit of prompting me to fantasize about hot dominants slapping my pussy and teasing me for getting off on such a thing. In all, it made for a deliciously hot session.

The Tantus Chubby is a solid dildo for those among us looking for something thick but not long. Its firm, a charming color and perfectly body safe. This is the perfect toy for when you want to fully sit on something thick without threatening your cervix which for me? Is all the time.

This product was sent to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks SheVibe!