It was a dark and horny night…

Happy Halloween! Here’s hoping everyone has a sexy, spooky and safe night.

The Lust Burster appropriately bursting out of a candy bowl

So followers on Twitter know I’ve been keeping up with an event termed Kinktober more or less by journaling about it. Now, some of my journaling was honestly just exploring my thoughts or feelings on a specific prompt, but somewhere along the way I veered into writing erotica. And then my exhibitionist streak reared its head and I asked you guys if you’d like me to publish some of my WRITTEN FILTH. The response was, predictably, a resounding yes. So without further ado, I present some excerpts from my journal. None of these are particularly finished, though if there’s demand I may go and write further on these stories.

Kinktober Prompt: Pegging

The harness slides up her legs, the dildo jiggling slightly with the upward movement. It settles around her hips, the briefs style design looking attractive on her powerful hips. Her ass fills out the harness attractively, the years of collegiate athletics having sculpted her body into something both powerful and sexual. She looks sporty and dominant, her chosen cock proud and erect between her legs. He’d hardly expected to find the sight of her sporting a silicone hard-on so arousing, but he felt blood flow to his groin nonetheless.

“So how do I look?” she asks, her mouth curving into that peculiar smile she had. It was aggressive and playful at the same time. Her bright blue eyes were sharp and alive with mischief. It was clear she was enjoying the way he surveyed her body, since she ‘stretched’ to show off more of herself. Her sharp white canines flashed in her smile, and he thought he could glimpse the violent, but presently unvoiced desire in her.

He swallows, looking her up and down. “I think it suits you,” he says, his voice hitching slightly as he says it. Her grin widens. “Oh? Is that so?” she replies, her voice lilting, taunting him. “I do,” he replies, not choosing to volunteer any more. Conflicting desires war in his brain, the desire to fuck and her and the desire to be fucked by her. She pouts for a moment before pushing her silicone erection down for a moment, before letting it spring back. “And what do you think of the dick I picked out?” she asks, not letting him get away with such minimal feedback.

He regards the dildo, a smooth and slim affair with a proud arch. It doesn’t look too terribly realistic, more like the symbol of a cock rather than a realistic rendering of it. And the color, a bright glittery crimson also takes away from the realism. Had she picked a more realistic model, he thinks, he might be a little more put off. But this suits her, a bright glittery cock of modest proportions. She would usually pick something girthier for fucking herself, but it seems as though she selected the dildo for its aesthetic appeal rather than something she’d like to put in herself.

Bright red and sexy, the Sedeux Flare was something on my mind as I wrote this.

“I think it’s very you,” he says, hedging again. She rolls her eyes. “That’s nice,” she replies, a slight pitch in her tone indicating irritation. “But what do you think of it? Do you like it?” she asks, her tone more insistent this time. And with that his mind is filled all unbidden with the image of her tiny form on top of his. He can see her rubbing the tip of her lubed glittery cock against his ass, teasing him with the tip by pressing it ever so gently against his asshole. She’s smiling above him, going nice and slow, trying to get him ready to take it. He can imagine her slowly sliding her pretty cock to the hilt in his ass, and images of his athletic girlfriend rocking her hips and fucking him nice and slow are plastered on the inside of his eyelids. He feels a thrill go up his back and his cock swells again, betraying his arousal. He thinks she might not catch it, but her eyes lock onto his groin and that sharp, aggressive smile curves her lips again. “I think you might like it,” she says, putting a hand onto his swelling cock, gently rubbing her thumb over the head of it, the same way she does when she’s teasing him.

“I think you might want to take it for a test run,”

Kinktober Prompt: Voyeurism 

There’s another person in the shower stall next to the one she wants to use, she notices, shedding her fluffy bathrobe and hanging on the shower hook. Her male companion simply unwraps the towel from his waist and hangs it on adjacent hook. He catches her staring at him and smirks. His gaze travels up her curves, and her cheeks redden from such unabashed attention. Her gaze flits around, fighting not to stare at his groin. She can feel arousal cause herself to get slick, with her arousal heightened by the fact that there’s someone else in the room. It isn’t obvious that they’ve noticed her and her companion there. At least, not yet.

She turns on the shower, standing just outside of it while she waits for the water to get warm. Her companion comes up behind her, grinding his cock against her ass and his arms coming around to roughly squeeze her breasts. He kneads them with strong hands, rolling them around and then squeezing and pinching at her nipples. When he twists her nipples harshly, the pleasure and pain of it break her composure and she groans. His soft laugh reaches her ears, and she only just stifles a sigh. “You’re such a tease,” she whispers, her voice just heard over the water. He bends to press his lips to her neck, a soft sucking kiss that transforms into a bite. The pleasure and pain of it is intense enough that a moan tumbles from her lips.

“Are we going to get in?” she asks, her voice breathy. He answers by grabbing her ass hard. “I don’t know, you seem to be enjoying yourself out here,” he replies, and he lets go to slip his hand between her legs and rub at her slick pussy. His fingers tease her entrance and it takes a concentrated will to force out these words: “But I think I’ll have more fun if you pin me to the wall and fuck me,” she replies, her words coming out as a moan. Her brazeness surprises the both of them and she can almost feel his body get hotter.

That little out burst of honesty and arousal seems to convince him and he lets go of her and follows her into the shower. She steps in, feeling the warm water run down her body in rivulets and she is acutely aware of being watched. She reaches back and gives her ass a light smack, and he rewards her with a low whistle. He doesn’t wait long to press his sculpted body against her softer one. He is made all of firm and angular lines, and she thinks, ever so briefly, that this must be what having sex with a Grecian marble statue would feel like. Strong hands haul her upwards and flip her around to face him and she hooks her legs around him. He slides inside her easily, filling her tight little body up with hot cock. The lines in his face change slightly and she breathes out a shaky moan as she gets used to the feeling of him inside her. He moves and presses her against the cool, tile wall of the shower, getting ready to pound into her hard and rough. She can hear sounds of movement coming from the shower adjacent to theirs.

“I think someone’s noticed us,” she breathes into his ear. She doesn’t so much see as feel his smile against her shoulder. His teeth meet the skin of her shoulder and he bites her again and she moans whorishly. When he releases her shoulder he replies, “So let’s put on a show for them then,”

Kinktober Prompt: Lingerie

“You know that outfit isn’t fair right?” he says, taking a look at me in my newest pieces. “You know I didn’t wear to be fair, right?” I respond, shifting and reveling in the silkiness of the fabric against my skin. “I wore it to see if I could make you cum in your pants.” My words come out as a taunt and he grins in response.

“Well it didn’t work. But it does make me want to fuck you,” he breathes, running his hands over my sides, stroking me and feeling my curves. I laugh, a particular three note laugh that he knows very well. He pauses for just a moment and looks at me. “Alright, what’ve you got planned?” he asks, his voice tinged with a little sadness. “Oh come on, you didn’t think it was going to be that easy, did you?” I ask, my lips curved into a smile. “Besides, I’m not going to ask you to do much,” I reassure him, gently pushing away his hands as I step back and pull something from a drawer in the bedroom. He frowns as he watches, clearly anticipating something truly devious. Well, he’ll be relieved to see what it is.

I pull out the filmy piece of fabric and he narrows his eyes when he looks it over. He takes it from my hands and runs his fingers over the lacy tops slowly, and then down the silky length of them, examining what it is I’ve gotten for him. “So,” he says, when he’s finally finished looking it over. “You want me to wear this?” His voice pitches up at the end, his eyes still narrowed but his mouth less of a frown. He’s rubbing the fabric between his fingers repetitively, almost meditatively. I hop up onto the bed, perching just so. “Well,” I start, looking at him from under my lashes. “I was hoping you’d fuck me while wearing them. You said if I could find anything in your size that you’d do it,” I respond, keeping my voice neutral. He snorts, but it’s got humor in it. I feel pretty hopeful. “You know,” he says, a small smile playing around his lips. “I didn’t think you’d actually do it. But you’re right,” he says, and I feel my smile widening to almost cartoonish proportions.

He strips off his underwear and his cock bounces, free of its restraint. I can feel my hyperactive libido kicking in and his smile turns into a smirk. He’s gotten my attention and he’s savoring it. He’s not fully hard yet, maybe about half way there and it’s taking all of my will power not to take his cock in my mouth. No, instead I wait, subtly grinding my pussy against the bed in anticipation. “What’s up?” he asks, his voice teasing. He noticed my fidgeting. “I just can’t wait to see you with those on,” I say. And it’s at least partly honest. I do want to see him wearing that, but almost equally intense is the desire to have him slide his dick into my slickening cunt. He sits on the bed and slides on the first thigh high stocking. It’s clear he’s never put them on before. “It’s easier if you roll them up first,” I say and he looks at me with his eyebrows quirked. “Like this,” I instruct, taking the other stocking from where he set it down and rolling it up. “Huh,” he responds, and then mimics my instructions, sliding on the stocking much more quickly. It hugs his thigh just right and we both look at it for a moment.

“It fits,” he says and I look at him sharply. It more than fits, it fits like a dream. But I don’t say anything. I instead watch him slide on the other stocking. I slip my hand down the front of my panties and start to circle my clit with my middle finger, unable to take this kind of teasing. The crotch of my panties gets wetter, a faint dark patch beginning to spread on the silky outside. “Someone’s impatient,” laughs my partner as he watches me finger myself. “Someone’s been pent up all day imagining what you’ll look like in that” I shoot back, pressing hard against my clit. The pressure is just what I want, and there’s a shiver in my voice. God, did I know he’d be so hot? His thighs framed perfectly by the black thigh high stockings, his cock now fully hard, the sight of him is going to drive me crazy. My breathing is a little more ragged. A bead of pre-cum glistens on the head of his cock, and I can feel my body temperature rising.

“Like the show?” I ask him, spreading my legs so he can get a better look at me fingering myself. His gaze is now locked on what my fingers are doing. Small wet noises are coming from my pussy and his grin fades, replaced by a hungry look. “I do,” he says as he hooks his fingers into the waistband of my panties. “But I need to be in there.” With that, he slips my panties off my legs and tosses them to the side.

He pushes me down onto my back, barely taking the time to line his cock up properly before stuffing me full. His dick slides in easily, my anticipation and heightened arousal making it easy for him. I whimper, he groans. He doesn’t wait long before picking up the pace, pumping into me with the ferocity of a man who’s patience has been run completely out. I grasp at his back, still careful not to scratch him. “Harder,” I gasp, and he obliges me. He slams himself into me over and over and I mewl under him. “You like being wrapped around my cock my little slut?” he growls in my ear. I can barely get out a breathy ‘yes’. I feel like I’m melting around him, he knows what calling me his slut does to me. “Fuck you feel tight,” he groans, and suddenly he pulls out. Confused, I start to ask him what he’s doing when he flips me onto my stomach and pulls me onto all fours. He smacks me sharply across the ass, a full open handed smack that makes me moan. I must’ve really excited him today. Then he grabs me by the hip with one hand and then guides his cock back into me with the other. “That’s better,” he says, and starts fucking me in that ferocious rhythm again.

He squeezes my hips hard before pressing down on my back so I’m face down on the bed. Oh fuck, I think, turning around to look at him. His face is screwed up in that determined way that he gets when he’s close. “I’m gonna cum,” he says, and moves his hand between my legs. His fingers find my clit and start to rub in a hard tight circle. “Oh fuck!” I gasp, and my pussy clenches around him, hard. “Cum inside me,” I beg, needing to feel his cum in me. His pace doesn’t slow, and neither do his fingers. Orgasm is thundering closer and closer, and it hits me all in an instant. I cum around his cock, my pussy flexing and squeezing sporadically around him. It’s just a few seconds later that he hilts me one last time, and I can feel his cock pulsing in me as he cums. He pants, holding still. He knows I want him to give me every last drop, so he stays still for a long time before slipping his softening dick out of me and then collapsing next to me on the bed. He pants softly, eyes closed and body glistening from the exertion. His arms pull me into him and we’re spooning now. Basking in the afterglow of a hard fuck.

“I love you,” I whisper to him. “I love you,” he whispers back, shifting ever so slightly so that he can snuggle me better. There’s a comfortable pause before, with a slight smile in my voice I say, “So the thigh highs were a good idea?”

Halloween Watch 2018

It’s Halloween, and therefore it is time to bust out your movie snack of choice and dig in to some horror movies. Earlier I spoke with Lust Arts about collaborating on a Halloween Movie Watch List, and to my delight, they were up for such a collaboration! Here’s our list of recommended horror movies:

All of these are excellent horror and action films, and if you were ever in need of something to watch this Halloween, Lust Arts and I have got you covered!

Ethos Leather Acrylic Paddle Review

I blame Girly Juice honestly. If I’d never seen her Lexan paddle, I’d never have gotten the idea into my head to get one of my own. But I did see her posts. I read the posts where she rhapsodized over her Kink Machine paddle and I felt a powerful wave of desire to possess a beautiful paddle of my own. So you can imagine how I must’ve felt when I saw her paddle was no longer available for purchase. A great cry went up from my apartment as I raged over the death of Kink Machine, maker of beautiful impact toys. And so I scoured the internet looking for my perfect paddle. It took a lot of looking on Stockroom and Etsy and elsewhere to finally find what I was looking for. My search was ended at last when I finally stumbled upon the paddle of my dreams: The Ethos Leather Acrylic Paddle. It’s absolutely everything I hope it would be: gorgeous, painful and priced just right.


The Ethos Leather Acrylic Paddle is about 18 inches long, including the 6 inch handle. This gives the user plenty of handle to swing with. The paddle itself is 4 inches wide, which seems a little narrow in person, but is actually perfect. The paddle in 1/4 of an inch thick, so it provides a nice weight and paddle blade.

In person, the paddle is absolutely gorgeous. While most of my enjoyment comes from how this paddle performs against my ass, there’s no doubt that the visual aspect plays in to my choosing of this paddle.

The price of the paddle is also more than reasonable, $40 is a more than fair price for the quality of what you’re getting. Many quality acrylic paddles can be quite a bit more expensive, with the Paraphilia Acrylic Paddle at $60 on Stockroom.

In use

The Ethos Leather Acrylic Paddle is exactly what a paddle should be. It has a good surface level bite without being overwhelming. A hard smack with this is enough to get my attention and make me ready for more without immediately crossing my pain threshold. In addition to the initial sting, there’s underlying element of thud. This causes my ass to redden beautifully without making me want to immediately stop the scene. A few minutes of use gets my butt red and tingly, and I can feel the stinging impact for a long time after the impact play has ended. Doing day to day activities with my ass still reverberating really appeals to the exhibitionist in me! Compared to the leather paddle I reviewed earlier, the sensations this paddle evokes are more full-bodied. If the paddles were coffee, the leather paddle would be a blond roast while the Ethos Leather Acrylic Paddle would be a robust breakfast blend.

I love this paddle so much. I’ve found I’ve been using a lot more since I’ve gotten my school girl costume for Halloween, I just love the way I look when I’m taking a beating. The visual of a school girl with her skirt hiked up and her cute round ass getting paddled by such a gorgeous clear paddle is thrillingly hot. This paddle has made me more adventurous with my dirty snaps, much to the delight of my partner. Sending him pictures of me enjoying my paddle and especially sending them where he can enjoy them is also intensely enjoyable to me as well.


Because the Ethos Leather Acrylic Paddle is clear, it can get a little smudgy from the oils your skin secretes. To keep your paddle in top shape, all you need is a little soap and water and a soft cloth to dry it. If you’re gentle with the paddle and make sure not to scratch it, maintenance is fairly simple.

In Summary

The Ethos Leather Acrylic Paddle is a very versatile toy that suits the aesthetic of many scenes. It feels well balanced, delivers a satisfying blow and it’s nicely priced at $40 plus shipping. I personally love it since it’s beautifully clear, allowing the person topping to see the ass their beating, and it feels perfect in the hand and on the ass. If you’re considering a paddle and know you’re down for more robust sensations, I highly recommend this paddle!

I purchased this paddle with my own money, I just wanted to tell you all about it!

Elements 1, 2 and 3 Review

Florida is a complicated place. On the one hand, it has beautiful beaches, warm weather, and Disney Land. And on the other hand it’s a giant dick-shaped swamp, prone to hurricanes, and with mosquitoes as big as your thumb trying to drain you like you’re a human Capri Sun. But in this controversial state, there exists a company creatively making the world of sex toys a better and more colorful place. Enter Uberrime, a new sex toy company that makes designs that are both daring and beautiful, such as the much lauded Night King and his more realistic Gentlemen series. I admired Uberrime’s toys for a long time, crying out joyfully every time a new pour was announced on the company Twitter and sighing fancifully at the new designs which appeared in the shop. So I was absolutely delighted one day when Marco, the man behind the magic at Uberrime, asked me if I would review his new line of toys, The Elements. I couldn’t say yes fast enough. And let me tell you, I am very glad I welcomed this gorgeously marbled silicone into my life. They’ve made masturbation so much better in a multitude of ways.

From left to right: Element 1, Element 2 and Element 3 in stunning two color marbling.

The Elements are Uberrime’s answer to the call for smaller, more economical silicone dildos. The toys Uberrime is known for making tend to run large, delighting the size royalty among us but which is somewhat unattainable for those among us who prefer something a little more modest. And so, the Elements were born to the RIOTOUS joy of the sex toy and blogger community. All of them are $29 in the single color option, designed with every body’s pleasure in mind. Poured at shore hardness 10, these toys fall into the slightly squishy but still decently firm category, a good density that makes itself known but doesn’t jab your insides. With simple yet anatomy focused designs, Uberrime makes dildos with every body in mind. Hooray for dildos for all of us!

But enough of the fanfare and starry eyed declarations: you want to know how they really feel.

The Element 1 in yellow and red marbling.

The first up is, naturally, the Element #1, which came to me in a gorgeous red and yellow marbling. The Element #1 is a long and narrow dildo that I was originally unimpressed with. My first impression of it was that it was entirely underwhelming in my vagina and I was very near to writing it off as a wash. But as I continued to use it, I began to understand why the narrowness and length were to be appreciated. This, folks, is one of the most perfect dildos possible for those of us warming up or beginning to explore. It’s been extremely useful when on days when my vagina just isn’t the ALL GIRTH ALL THE TIME size queen I like to think it is. The Element #1 provides a gentle introduction to penetration that I deeply appreciate both in my vaginal and in my anal sessions as it’s narrowness makes for a good easing into. Using the Element #1 anally is an excellent way to warm up more reticent butts after you’ve warmed up with a finger or two and I found I preferred it to get ready for girthier toys. It’s also long enough that I’m considering using it for A-spot exploration. So far no luck, but this dildo is gentle enough that I can use it for exploration as much as I want.

The Element 2 in purple and black marbling

The Element #2 is not as pleasurable as I had hoped, sadly. Dammit Marco, I thought for sure that it would be my favorite. Visually speaking it’s the most delightful to look at with that prominent bulbous head and stunning black and purple marbling. But those ridges are just don’t do anything for my vagina for whatever reason. The popping sensation can occasionally be uncomfortable for me as it goes past my pubic bone. At best, my vagina ignores the sensations of those ridges popping past my pubic bone. At worst, the ridges can cause discomfort at my vaginal opening. The reason for the discomfort is mystifying, as the girth is certainly nothing even close to the maximum girth I can take. Once the Element #2 pops past my pubic bone, it does feel pleasurable inside of me. Those ridges which were so dramatic at my vaginal entrance are so much less aggressive once inside and I can have a pleasant session until removal, upon which the popping sensation occurs again. While I greatly appreciate the aesthetic of the dildo, it hasn’t been my body’s first choice.

The Element 3 in red and pink marbling

My Element #3 is a pretty red and pink dildo that surprised the hell out of me. I hadn’t expected the Element #3 to be particularly laudable, but I find that it outshines its siblings and is far and away my favorite for daily masturbation. The girthier, stouter model gives me a nice amount of silicone for my vagina to squeeze around without any chance for it to bother my cervix. This simple but brilliantly effective design is what makes it a star. The gentle curve and bulbed head provide a nice massage for my insides and is perfect for when I want something that feels good and won’t bother my vagina or cervix on my more sensitive days. Ergo, this is a fantastic toy for when I’m menstruating. The Element #3 is perfect for both quickie masturbation sessions and for warming me up for a more involved session with larger toys. The Element #3’s excellent dimensions and thoughtful design made the testing of larger toys a damn sight easier since I could ease into girth rather than jump head first into it. Fun fact, this toy made testing the Lust Burster from my earlier review far more comfortable. The particular blend and hardness of this silicone make this a fun toy to thrust, and the smoothness of the dildo means it’s best appreciated by swiftly thrusting it in out of myself. In all, my favorite dildo of the bunch.

Like my other reviews of silicone toys, these are very easy to clean. Spritz ’em with bleach, boil ’em or scrub ’em in the sink if you’re not passing them between orifices (never go anal to vaginal without sanitizing). There aren’t any crevices in these designs to worry about, so cleaning should be fairly easy.

In all, I must confess myself a great fan of the Elements. 2 out of 3 I find exceedingly useful and pleasurable, with the #2 still a viable option for those who know they can handle intense ridges. The density, colors, and smart, thoughtful design make these all excellent toys in their own right. They don’t try to pull any stunts, but exist in that delightful simplicity that is both body and wallet friendly. Beginners and advanced masturbators will appreciate these toys as they have something to offer everyone regardless of experience or anatomy. I cannot recommend the Elements more heartily and I look forward to seeing what Uberrime does next.

The Elements were provided to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks Uberrime, keep on rockin’.

Luxe Be Me 3 Plug Review

I’ve been inducted into an affiliate program with one of my most favorite retailers, Peepshow Toys. Pop the champagne y’all, this is a cause for celebration! I’ve been a fan of Peepshow ever since their Prism 69 sale and I’m jazzed to be working with them. In addition to allowing me to join their affiliate program, Peepshow was gracious enough to send me this plug to review, so I feel extra grateful to them. I was pleasantly surprised to receive all of these in the same box where I purchased my lubes after one bad night where I had a reaction to the GCL’s Almost Naked formula. Eagerly I grabbed my prize, the Luxe Be Me 3 plug and set to work testing and retesting it to ensure I could be thorough in my review. And now I can tell you without a doubt: this toy has not been worth the effort.

The look of the Be Me 3 is very promising. It has a simple, but adorable design featuring beads that graduate in size and has a gentle curve. The texture of the toy is smooth and nearly suede-like in texture, a pleasant matte finish silicone that takes to lube well. My plug came in black, which I appreciate, though it also comes in pink if you prefer something more vibrant. The toy is flexible and the base makes sense, a smaller base would present concerns about retrievability. It’s also fairly inexpensive for those among us who are wallet conscious, as it only costs $14, a sensible price. With a max insertable length of 4.25 inches and a max girth of 1.25 inches, this proves to be a non-intimidating plug that, at least in appearance, would serve as a warm up plug and would be great for training the butt.

The Luxe Be Me 3. Too bad it was a bust.

But in spite of the body safeness and beginner measurements of the Luxe Be Me 3, I can’t get behind it. There’s no use beating around the bush: I don’t like this plug AT ALL. If you take nothing else away from this review, then I want you to know: it’s just too damn difficult to use and doesn’t provide enough reward. This plug is too flexible to get in my ass unless I grip the bead I’m trying to insert and push it in. When I’ve attempted to grip the base to insert it, the Be Me 3 slips off my asshole and attempts to penetrate my vagina instead or jabs me in the perineum. And so, muttering dark oaths and mumbling phrases of frustration, I resign myself to gripping the bead that I want to insert and pushing it into me. The bead is caked in lube to help with insertion, but since the lube is where I need to grip, it inevitably leads to my grip slipping off the bead. This problem was partially solved thanks to the placement of a mirror, making my aim a little better, but difficulties still persisted. Perhaps if I had my partner insert the beads in my ass it’d be more fun, but alone you’re bound to run into some frustration.

When I find that I finally do get the Luxe Be Me 3 in my ass, I’m not rewarded with any mind-blowing sensations for my effort. It hangs out in my ass just fine, but the beads inhabiting me don’t really add anything extra. The base is long and trustable so I’m not worried about losing them, but it’s not a noteworthy sensation. Perhaps because the beads are so light weight and aren’t particularly girthy that I feel so unimpressed by them. It’s pleasant enough to be sure, but after my struggle with them, I’d hoped for something more. Removing them, at least at this point in my anal exploration, isn’t really the orgasmic experience I’d hoped for. Perhaps because my ass clings to every bead for dear life. Perhaps because these beads are just lackluster.

As with all silicone, cleaning the Be Me 3 is a snap. Spritz it with bleach, boil it in water, toss it in the dishwasher on a rinse cycle, all of these are fine for the Be Me 3. If you’re not going to use it vaginally, a simple soap and water cleaning works out just fine. Though if you have mishaps like me and possess a vagina, then bleach is well worth considering to make sure you’re not passing bacteria from your butt to your vagina.

This is a toy that is an exercise in patience, except that the patience won’t be rewarded with anything more than moderate anal pleasure. Someone with a more zen-like disposition is perhaps suited to this toy, or perhaps just someone who is flexible and has access to a mirror to figure out how this toy is going to go in their ass. If you’ve got the whole day for a lazy wank and are very into the idea of training your butt this way, it might be for you. But if you’re looking for something a little more immediately gratifying, I’d turn you to a more conventional plug like the Njoy Pure Plug.

This toy was provided to me in exchange for my honest review. Thanks Peepshow Toys, I love y’all to death.

Visions of The Future 10/13

Currently I’m away visiting my family, so my review work is being put on hold. But I’ve been wanting to update you with what you can expect from my blog the rest of October! There’s going to be some very varied content!

This is a plug I received from the absolutely DARLING Peepshow Toys. It features a beaded design that I have quite a few thoughts about. That’ll be this October.

This is my first dual density dildo that I ever purchased. It’s long, straightish and has the strongest suction cup of all my toys.

I started lusting after an acrylic paddle after Girly Juice raved about hers. While her particular paddle isn’t available anymore, Ethos Leather makes an absolutely GORGEOUS paddle that I purchased for myself and I’m excited to review.

  • Kinktober Erotica

I’ve been keeping up with Kinktober in my journal and I’ve written some pretty raunchy pieces. After running a poll on Twitter, apparently some of you are interested in seeing what gets my motor revved. So expect to see a few of those!

  • A Horror Move Playlist

The product of Lust Arts and yours truly coming up with a quintessential Halloween watching experience! GOTTA LOVE A DILDO MAKER WHO KNOWS THEIR FILMS.

  • Pretty in Pink, Better in Butch

A personal piece dealing with how I experience femininity and my constant conflict with it.

Marco is a VISIONARY ARTIST and a damned good dongmonger. These were a delight to receive and I’m pretty excited to share about em!

Hopefully I’ll surprise myself with even more posts, but these are my plans as of now! Happy haunting y’all.

How Doxycycline Saved My Sex Life

Earlier this year I wrote a post about UTIs and how to avoid them. In it, I repeated much of the standard stuff about wiping front to back and drinking plenty of water. I should have also mentioned wearing cotton underwear and not putting yogurt on your vagina if you’re prone to such infections, but I digress. What I want to talk about in this post is my experience I had with chronic UTIs. And I mean chronic in the sense that almost every time after PiV I would pee straight after intercourse and still get a UTI. Had it not been for my NP, I might’ve just thought I was condemned to a life of filling this or that prescription for different courses of Macrobid or Bactrim. But my NP wanted to get to the bottom of my burning problems, so she had me tested for something I’ve never heard of: ureaplasma.

These were my constant bedside buddies. They saw heavy use while I was thrown from UTI to UTI.

What is ureaplasma? According to my doctor, they’re part of a group of organisms called mycoplasmas, which are bacteria without cell walls. The ureaplasma in particular usually inhabit the vagina, cervix, and occasionally the urethra of the penis. This bacteria generally doesn’t cause problems, but on some rare incidences, the presence of ureaplasma in the urethra of a vulva can cause chronic UTIs. But how does this happen? The ureaplasma is not the bacteria of the infection, instead, it makes the colonization of infectious bacteria much easier. Ureaplasma is passed sexually, though it isn’t commonly listed as an STI because of its presence in healthy individuals who don’t experience any symptoms. This means that if one partner has an issue with the bacteria, both partners need to be treated to avoid passing the infection back and forth.

Testing for the ureaplasma was a bit difficult for me. I’m more than used to providing samples for urinalysis, but one of the tests for ureaplasma is the ‘clean catch’ test. This test involves collecting the urine sample mid-stream so that you can get a good look at the sample without any interference from the vaginal flora. To further this aim, the doctor provided me with some antibacterial wipes so that there would be as little interference from my vaginal flora as possible. Well, this kind of test required me to have impeccable timing and sadly I did botch it. Luckily, after I washed my hands, the second test was a vaginal swab and I was able to do that no problem. After I turned in my samples, I was given a stop gap prescription of Macrobid in the event that it wasn’t ureaplasma.

About four days later, the doctor confirmed that I did indeed have ureaplasma and was told to discontinue use of the Macrobid. I was prescribed a two week course of doxycycline, which some people know from using it as an anti-malarial. This medication had to be taken twice a day and I was barred from sexual intercourse, which wasn’t an issue since my partner was away for the summer.The medication was rough on my body, and there was one instance of it making me so ill that I vomited and had to call in sick from work. But I persevered and completed the medication course. But because of the nature of the bacteria, my partner also needed to take a round of medication or else he’d risk re-infecting me when we had sex. I cannot tell you what a blessing my partner is. When I was anxious about asking him to go in for this testing, he reassured me that he was more than happy to do this since he had been worried about hurting me and was glad there was a solution.

After the summer, he was finally able to convince the doctor to give him a swab test and a prescription. The swab test indeed confirmed he had the ureaplasma and he was given the go ahead to start his medication. He took doxycycline twice a day, though the nausea that I had experienced was notably absent. During this time, we refrained from what we termed ‘a touching reunion’ for a full month, waiting for the medication. It felt like an eternity waiting for him to finish the medication. But once we had both completed the medication, the satisfaction of being able to be sexually intimate with my partner again sans the persistent fear of infection was absolutely worth it.

Now that we’re nearly a month out from the medication, I’ve been pain and infection free despite having several PiV encounters with my partner. I’m keeping up with my prevention techniques by making sure I’m adequately hydrated and I’ve ditched all my thongs, but I feel noticeably improved. I’m sharing this story in the hopes that it reaches the people who are in a similar chronic UTI situation. While this may not be the case for everyone who has chronic UTIs, it’s something I’ve not seen talked about very often as a possible cause behind chronic infection. I believe that this lack of conversation around it has people buying every cranberry pill, taking lots of unnecessary medication which is contributing to antibiotic resistance and generally feeling broken because of their constant infection.  If you’re suffering from chronic UTIs, I would urge you to ask your doctor to test you for this. Insist if you have to, because sometimes getting your best healthcare requires self-advocating. Doxycycline quite literally saved my sex life and it might save yours too.


My First Full-Sized Wand: An experience and a review

I have never owned a full sized, plug-in wand vibrator until this year. And funnily enough, my first plug in wasn’t the legendary Magic Wand, or Hitachi as it’s known by by its diehard fans. No, mine is the tokidoki x Lovehoney Unicorn Multispeed Massage Wand Vibrator I snagged when Super Smash Cache was throwing out toys. I felt really lucky to be able to rescue it from the trash, because now I finally get the hype behind full-size wands. I won’t say it’s my favorite vibrator, but I will say that I have not unplugged it for several days. This is a vibrator that is as cute as it is powerful and I’ve come to adore mine.

My vibrator and jean jacket. Both are symbols of living life on my terms.

The tokidoki line is all extremely adorable. These are vibrators that say ‘I had a Hot Topic phase in my youth’ with their adorable unicorn wands that come in varieties such as: Punk, Goth, and Prep. I had a Hot Topic phase, but I could never convince my parents to let me dye my hair teal, wear black filmy shirts or wear black lipstick. So instead as 22 year old adult, I snag a punk unicorn vibrator and have orgasms with it. 16 year old Liz would be proud.

The vibrator is big, over thirteen inches long and it’s HEAVY. I don’t know how heavy, but enough to surprise me when I use it for longer than a few minutes. I typically rest mine against my thigh in such a way so that my wrist doesn’t bear the full weight. Part of what distinguishes this vibrator is that it doesn’t have set speed settings, it has a scrolling wheel I can use to adjust the intensity by minute gradations if I so choose. This has been invaluable when I want just a little more for that final push towards orgasm. Sometimes jumping from the medium setting of a vibrator to the high one can be jarring, but the scroll wheel takes care of this problem neatly. The other thing that sets this vibrator apart is the adorable punk unicorn silicone cap.  This cap is more than just cute, it has a surprisingly excellent functionality: it funnels those powerful vibrations into a point that I can dig into my clit. And I do! Mine is a clit that has always enjoyed pressure, and this lets me put pressure exactly where I want it.

I’ve been using this vibrator continuously since I got it and it hasn’t failed to get me off yet. It has always been strong enough, and with my libido waking up this October, it’s seen quite a bit of use. But that’s not to say there haven’t been downsides for the wand. The noise level is something else. Other vibrators simply don’t compare to the blender like noises of the wand and it invariably makes me self conscious when my roommates are home. Secondly, the heaviness of the vibrator makes it an exercise in endurance when jacking off. And lastly, these are strong vibrations, but these are very, very buzzy. At times it can be overpowering and numbing. Some days the top speed feels like it wants to sand off my genitals and is the furthest things from pleasurable. So while it’s enjoyable, it’s not something I’m always up for.

For a long time I doubted wands. I know I’m on the more sensitive end so I eschewed them for most of my masturbatory life. But now, I think I’m finally starting to get it. With my entering the reviewer world, I’m hopeful I’ll get to try more wand vibrators. But this punk unicorn vibrator is near and dear to my heart, because it lets me have my Hot Topic phase now. Except with more orgasms.

Hey! If you want more content like mine, Super Smash Cache’s blog is a fantastic place to get more reviews and writing. She didn’t sponsor me, I just think she’s great.

The Lust Burster Review

CN: Fake blood in one image

Bless Lust Arts, those wonderfully quirky dildo makers. Not only are their designs perfect for this spook filled month, they were kind enough to send me their Lust Burster after I approached them about how PERFECT it would be to feature a horror themed dildo on my blog this month.

Just before we got into October, Lust Arts sent me their Lust Burster design in their Soft 0050 shore silicone and in their Moaner size. This dildo is a chunkier one, at about 2.2 inches thick at the widest point, but is a pleasant 6 inches long, so it doesn’t unnecessarily bother my cervix when I insert it. The silicone is addictively squishy to the touch, and were I not so enamored of how it feels in my vagina, I bet it’d be a fabulous stress ball. The design itself is glorious, and exactly calls to mind the chest bursting scene in the original Alien film. Fun fact, the reason I watched Alien was because I was going to be reviewing this dildo. Sex toys can expand your horizons in more than one way don’tchaknow.

My Lust Burster and its ADORABLE charm self

When I last reviewed a toy from Lust Arts, I was introduced to texture in a big way. Compared to the Mermaid, the Lust Burster is a much gentler dildo, feeling almost tame compared to the very intense sensations that the Mermaid elicits. This amuses me, as I find the monstrous Xenomorph inspired sculpt to be gentler than a sensual Mermaid one, but I suppose dildos are just like that. Sometimes, a monster’s tender touch is just what your vagina needs. However, the Lust Burster is even bulkier than the Mermaid, and requires me to use smaller warm up dildos in order to best enjoy the Lust Burster. The few times I tried to insert the toy without warmup, I winced. But thanks to warm up dildos, I can enjoy using the Lust Burster as a finale dildo. Once I do get it inside me, the Lust Burster feels oddly organic, the soft density and gentle texture giving it a novel, fleshy feeling that I haven’t felt with any other sculpt. Even semi-realistic soft dildos like the Real Nude Rollo or the TruSkyn Curve don’t feel this fleshy.

If the Mermaid is an aggressive massage, then the Lust Burster is a sensual stroking of my vaginal walls that I can’t get enough of. The Moaner size is filling, stretching me nicely at my vaginal opening, and the texture is just noticeable enough without being overwhelming. Also, the texture isn’t so overwhelming that it ever irritates my vaginal opening, the way the Mermaid sometimes can. The size and texture encourages thrusting, something I’ve only just started enjoying doing with my dildos. Thrusting the Lust Burster feels excellent, and actually made me understand why reviewers enjoy thrusting so much. Hey everyone, I finally get it. Thank the Lust Burster for bringing me as its plus one to the ‘people who actually thrust their dildos’ party. I’m so glad to meet all of you. Jokes aside, the Lust Burster has expanded my masturbation repertoire and I’m psyched I got to add this toy to my toybox.

The Lust Burster’s signature colors. Kinda into the bloody one honestly.

If you’re new to texture and a horror fan, then this a dildo I would highly recommend. This is an incredibly unique and, in my opinion, beautiful dildo. It even comes in a bloody version for the most hard core of horror fans. When I’m not in the mood for a rough ride but want more texture than say, the Pure Wand, the Lust Burster has got my back.

The Lust Burster was provided to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks so much Lust Arts!

The Butters Lube Review

I didn’t mean to get a bunch of lubes to review, it sort of just happened that way. It happened that way because one night after GCL’s Almost Naked Lube left a mosquito bite style rash on me, I’d had enough. So I hopped on Peepshow Toy’s website and bought both Sliquid’s Sassy Lube and the Butters. And in this installment, your friendly neighborhood lubescout is pleased to say that the Butters are an excellent lube.

I received the 8 ounce cocoa butter formulation of the Butters lube. As soon as I got it out of the package, I opened it up to take a look at what was inside. The lube has a light and fluffy texture, and is a light yellow color, much the same color as the butter I have in my dish. The smell is ever so slightly earthy and something I and my partner found very enjoyable. In fact, my partner said that he was tempted just to eat it right out of the jar and was only stopped because he didn’t want to eat up all the product. It’s a lube that I really have little to compare it to but is absolutely delightful nonetheless.

I’ve used an oil based lube once before, in the form of unrefined coconut oil. However, I was too nervous to use it vaginally and used it only anally. I felt that same nervousness as it came to time to put it to use for the first time. Slicking up the dildo I was going to be testing, I understood that many other reviewers with sensitive orifices have tried this lube to no ill effect. Nonetheless, anxiety still flooded my nerves as I eased in the toy. It slid in like silk, the lube feeling just inside me. It didn’t feel sticky or artificial, and though I can’t say it blended perfectly with my natural fluids, it really did feel fine. Notably, the Butters lube lasted a good bit longer than my normal water based lubes, which was delightful. I can usually expect a reapplication every time I remove a toy from my vagina, since my body absorbs the water based lube, but the Butters didn’t necessitate so much reapplication.

When I used the Butters for PiV, my partner didn’t notice anything different about the lube. I couldn’t tell much either, though I thought I detected that the lube was more satiny in use than others. It made our sex  It’s at this juncture in my review that I’d like to remind everyone that oil based lubes do degrade latex. So if you’re planning on using condoms as a method of birth control, either use a water or silicone based lube for PiV or consider an alternate method of birth control.

Personally, I’ve quite enjoyed my experiences with the lube, and my partner also approves of the formulation as both a lube and a snack. The Butters lube are an excellent choice for anyone looking for something that lasts a little longer than their regular water-based lube, but want something toy compatible.

I purchased this from Peepshow Toys and just wanted to let everyone know how I felt about it. Thanks Peepshow and The Butters!