mental health – Rocket Girl Writes

Five Quick Pick Me Ups

This week has been tough for me! In between writing and testing and looking for a place to move to, I’ve been doing my best to keep the stress under wraps! I’ve been lucky that I’ve been able to keep it up so far, and here’s what I’ve been using most often to get through the days!

Mindful Meditation: Meditation sounds kind of new age and spiritualist, but it has real health benefits. Namely, it reduces stress! When I’ve been feeling overwhelmed lately, I tap on my Calm app and squeeze in a quick session. Focusing on my breath helps me return to the present moment and get things done when I need to get them done.
Browsing cute animal photos: This is kinda cheesy, but often I’ll look at adorable bird pictures to cheer myself up. Looking at something that makes me happy reminds me that there’s more to my life than my worries and day-to-day issues. I especially love the r/bears subreddit which has loads of cute photos of bears and the r/superbowl subreddit which features superb owls!
Listening to a podcast or audio book: Getting engrossed in something like PseudoPod (my favorite horror podcast) or listening to The Sword of Shannara really helps me calm down. It’s a kind of escapism I can really appreciate on my commute and can give me the mental space I need to recharge and take on the rest of my day. Other podcasts I love are: The Adventure Zone, Tanis, The Black Tapes and Alice Isn’t Dead! I’m always in the market for more horror podcasts and I’m looking into the No Sleep Podcast as well!
Going outside and mentally cataloguing what I see: A lot of times, we end up zoning out and living in anticipation of the future and not appreciating the present moment. I find a good way for me to get out of this is to try and get outside. There, I make myself really consider what I’m looking at. ‘There’s blooming daffodils’ I’ll think, and then I’ll list other things. How many trees are in view. What the weather is like. How many birds I can hear. Getting immersed in my surroundings brings me back to the now, where I can actually do things rather than the future, where I can’t do anything yet!
Snacking on something yummy: Sometimes a good way to get in the zone is to engage your senses, as evidenced by my above methods. So if you engage your eyes and ears, why not also engage your taste buds? I like to snack on pretzels with peanut butter pockets, peanut butter banana bites and uh…well anything having to do with bananas or peanut butter! Anything I can eat helps me regain energy and helps me refocus on the present moment rather than ruminating over the past or angsting about the future.

Most of these techniques are all about bringing myself back to the present moment. Instead of worrying about things that may be or ruminating over past failures, choosing to focus on the present makes me less stressed and more productive. Being a naturally anxious person, I’ve experienced some measure of stress reduction as I’ve employed being mindful in my daily life. What do you do to reduce stress?

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February Wrap Up: Silicone Sucking and Sickness

Partnered Life

Ah Valentine’s Day. I spent it cooking and fretting over my boyfriend. While I did make the best potatoes I ever made, my boyfriend came down with a fever. So we mostly crashed and watched stuff on TV. I made him a health potion with lemon and honey and boiling hot water and had one myself to boost my vitamin C levels. Then we slept under a weighted blanket.

My partner and I also started watching Breaking Bad since I’ve never seen it. I know I’m behind the times but I usually am. Maybe I’ll get around to watching She-Ra someday…until then I’m watching back episodes of Better Call Saul, Goliath and Breaking Bad.

We’ve also discovered that Lazy Dog is one of THE BEST sex positions for us. He just lays on me for a while after he cums and it’s fantastic. Sometimes we’ll roll over to spoon with his cock still inside of me after a creampie and we just spoon while his dick softens inside of me. It’s intensely intimate and erotic and probably one of my most favorite things that we do sexually. Feeling someone go soft inside me is a really unique sensation!

I’ve also gotten back into giving my partner oral. Blowing him while he watches a show on Netflix is kinda one of my favorite things. I love it as a form of foreplay or as an event all of its own!

Health and Wellness

This month I went in for some routine testing, which I detailed in my previous post. It pretty severely impacted my stress levels and libido such that it was a hard month for me to get any testing done. However, now that those issues have been resolved, I’m fully back into the swing of things!

My boyfriend and I also made an amazing financial decision: we purchased a weighted blanket! It’s supposed to help lower stress by activating the parasympathetic nervous system which then puts you into ‘rest and digest’ mode which is better than our sympathetic nervous system or ‘flight or fight’ mode. We’ve both noticed lowered stress levels under it and better sleep due to the blanket.

I started a course of anti-depressants, a low dosage. I’ve noticed that I’ve had a lower libido initially, but as I’ve gotten used to the medication, I’ve noticed a return in my nymphomaniacal sex drive. It’s amazing wanting penetration again after a whole month of feeling like I had numb or locked up genitals!

I’ve also started a period tracker app! I’ve recorded the whole month in the app so far and I plan on reviewing it later. I use Clue and I find it really useful for tracking more than my cycle, I can use it to record my sexual life, my weight and my sleep habits! Collecting data about all of this is really fascinating. I also realize I need to improve my sleep schedule.

Also, I’ve noticed I’ve started feeling way more positive now since I’ve been working out more regularly! I know I advocate a lot for exercise, I should remember to do it myself! It has so many benefits (and post workout sweaty sex is incredibly hot).

I don’t know where else to put this, but I wanna let everyone know that I did just finish Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski and I LOVE IT. It’s not the typical sex manual describing acts that will mechanically get a person off. It describes sexual psychology, gives concrete examples and made me feel more at home in my body. I now want to look up some G-spotting manuals and see if I can learn to squirt and I desperately wanna read more sex lit! That and I’d love to read Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel.

Turn Ons and Toys

It’s not a toy, but I did get a one month porn subscription to Lust Cinemas. The films have been MAJORLY hit or miss. My Roommate’s Toy and Dirty Doctor were very hot, featuring the glorious Pure Wand in all its gleaming glory. There were moans and . Pouring Pleasure and My First Time Eating Oysters and Pussy were both kinda boring and didn’t show enough of the labia.

I’m really fascinated by thick and knotted toys this month. XenoCat’s Barghest and Primal Hardwere make knotted toys that are just to DIE for. Also, HodgePodge Entourage made a jawbreaker-esque Changeling that made me SALIVATE. Would that I could own it! I’m also fascinated by the new Magic Wand…I’m going to get my hands on it!!

I’ve also been sucking on the Fuze Major, an uncut dildo that has been on my mind, and in my mouth and vag. Also! It’s oral season for the Monthly Fixation, so dildo blowjobs are thematically appropriate no?

Miscellaneous

Having friends over to play Betrayal. Wearing ultra glittery highlighter on days I’m most definitely not getting laid. Getting donuts after getting my blood drawn. Celebrating my false positive diagnosis. Explaining the gas-and-breaks metaphor to my partner. Drinking half a bottle of white wine and then tipsily declaring my love to partner.

Advice, Uncategorized

Rocket Girl’s Tips for Surviving Anxiety

There’s no easy way to talk about the details of anxiety. It can be nasty and embarrassing to talk about. For some of us, anxiety makes us bite our nails, makes us too anxious to move or shower, and can even prompt GI distress in the worst kind of way. For me, my anxiety makes it so that my appetite turns off…completely. Given a stressful enough event, my appetite can be turned off for a few days at time even. With my body producing cortisol and with no food or rest from anxiety, the effects of stress can wreak unadulterated havoc on my body. Fortunately, I’m slowly learning to deal with the effects of stress and I’m passing on my tips to you.

When you can’t eat, something is better than nothing: Listen, if you feel anxiety like this, full meals might not be in the cards for a while. Especially balanced and healthy ones. You might not have the energy to cook a full meal. However, nutrition is important and at this point, eat anything your body wants/will accept. At this point, you’re just looking for calories. Candy, fast food, anything is on the table so long as you can get something down so you can get your strength back.
Stay hydrated: In the grips of an anxiety spell, try very hard to stay hydrated even while your eating is out of whack. Water and herbal teas are best because they won’t dehydrate you, but anything will suffice so long as your having plenty of it. Not having fluids WILL make you feel worse, and as an added feature, peeing will feel REALLY uncomfortable because it’s more concentrated.
Practice whatever hygiene you can: Sometimes you just don’t want to go through the whole rigamarole of cleaning yourself. That’s fine! If you can put on some deodorant or splash your face then do it. If you can keep in the habit of brushing and flossing then you’re already on the right track. Your hair can be greasy. Your make up can be smeared or flaking off. But try to muster the strength to do little things like brush and floss to care for your health. I find that swishing mouthwash in my mouth helps when I can’t be bothered to uncap my toothpaste.
Slowly reintroduce food: If you go for a few days having eaten very little, don’t try and rush back into full meals. Breaking your calorie intake in a bunch of small meals will make it easier on your stomach. Pick some things you enjoy eating and have them in small amounts throughout the day to get your body used to eating again.
Exercise: I know, I know. It seems kind of ridiculous to suggest exercise again like it’s some kind of cure-all. But it has a lot of good effects and I really recommend even quick walks. It’ll help your body feel better by producing endorphins and I find that it regulates my appetite.
Get a screen dimmer app: Anxiety can make it hard to sleep. What can aggravate this even more is the blue light from screens. One way to help with this is getting something like F.lux that dims your screen as the sun goes down. It saves your eyes and has helped me go to bed earlier because the orange light is a) ugly b) doesn’t strain my eyes and c) doesn’t trick my body into wakefulness.
Journal: Writing can help you process your feelings. By confronting your feelings on the page, you can sort of kick start the recovery process. I’m not saying that it’ll always help, but a private space where you can scream and be dramatic without getting any of the neighbors upset is incredibly therapeutic for me.

I’ve been in the grips of a bad spell lately, and I’ve just managed to dig myself out thanks to the love and support of my friends and family. With love and patience, I’ve been able to get the gumption to post again and I’m extremely grateful for that. And also? Happy New Year! LOOKING FORWARD TO MORE OF ME?! CAUSE I AM.

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Discipline and Recovery

There is no way to say this in a way that doesn’t sound shameful. But I am an addict. To what you may ask? Well, it’s not to anything substance related. My weakness is for social media. The almost drug-like high feeling of seeing my followers retweet my work, the fun interactions, the browsing of media content, all of it is a rush for me. Heroin doesn’t hold a candle to the instant gratification of penning a tweet that gets likes. Seeing my blog do well gets me jazzed to the point of distraction. And I should be happy! But unfortunately, this gets in the way of the real crisis. As someone currently unemployed (having just quit my waitressing job), social media has been kneecapping my dreams.

By putting all my energy into my online presence, my real life situation has stagnated. I haven’t studied like I should for the tests I claim to want to take. My application for jobs lately is admittedly half-assed, wanting to just send in my resume without putting in the extra ten minutes to make it appealing to the actual employer. I can explain in part, that social media is something I’m good at and my deep fear of failure is crippling me. But of course, that just leaves the ugly solution staring me in the face. If not quitting cold turkey then at the very least highly structuring my online activity such that it doesn’t ever encroach upon my real life ambitions to such a degree ever again.

Social media is addictive to people like me. And when I say people like me, I mean people with executive dysfunction/ADD. A lot of bloggers struggle with mental illness, and I’m not any different. My struggle is one of self control, anxiety and maladaptive coping. I cope with my feelings of inadequacy and fear badly. Sometimes I get into funks where I don’t eat and don’t buy groceries because I feel stuck in my own brain. And the way I’ve been coping with this illness until now has been harmful to me and to the people who believe in me. And so something will have to change.

I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t painful to write this. As I think of it now, I’m ashamed to show anyone these words. It’s tempting to hide this post in a journal entry and forget about it. But I need to make a stand here and now to tell not just myself, but everyone that I’m going to discipline myself and recover. That I’m going to get my life on track and seriously pursue my ambitions and once again commit to putting in the hard work.

So what does this mean for this blog? Is this a fiery declaration of imminent shut down? Well no. I still believe this blog is important. It’s brought me into a wonderful world that I honestly believe has made me a better person. What it will mean is that I’ll be taking a much more structured and scheduled approach. I’ll be less active on my Twitter, being reachable there for just a portion of the day. I’ll set boundaries and deadlines and work on them in a way befitting of a professional. In short, this is not the end, merely a restructuring for the benefit of myself and others.

There is one note of brightness. I know I can do this. I have the most supportive friends and family I know. My partner loves me deeply and will help me get through this. I’m going to get better. For everyone who believes in me. My parents, my partner, and my friends all want me to succeed, and I haven’t been worthy of that support. Not yet anyway. But I will be working to be worthy of these people.