Rocket Girl Writes

Double Dong Dare Ya! Uberrime Bella Dildo Review

Welcome to the year 2020. It feels so futuristic right? Maybe it’s the DnD nerd within me getting excited since two 20s means a spectacular confirmed critical hit, but I feel like this year is going to be something special. To kick off the year, I’ve also decided to push myself to make my first review spectacular. I would go through great trials and tests to bring you my first review of 2020, a review of a dildo that comes in both dual and, amazingly, triple density.

Uberrime is no stranger to these holes. I admit I’ve got a genuine soft spot for the company. Not only does Uberrime churn out extremely orgasmic designs, they also use more glitter than a Louisiana drag queen during Mardi Gras. I mean that extremely affectionately, as I am a slut for fun colors and glitter. Art hoe that I am, I’d still use all the Uberrime dildos if they were barfy pink, but I love that I don’t have to. It just feels better conceptually to pound myself with something blue and sparkly.

Thus, with this prefaced, you can understand why I let out a scream of delight when I saw that I was getting to review the Bella, Uberrime’s new dual density dildo. Well, I thought I was just reviewing the dual density, but Marco, the man behind the myth, surprised me. Not only am I reviewing the Bella in it’s dual density flavor, I’ve also got the privilege of reviewing the first triple density toy I’ve ever tried.

The Bella is a fairly basic looking dildo at a glance. It’s a little larger than the average, clocking in at 7+ inches in insertable length and almost 2 inches in diameter at the widest spot. But really, compared to the bizarre fantasy dildos I’ve seen, the Bella wouldn’t be all that impressive if I went by the shape alone. The prices however, would suggest something special, with the dual density clocking in at $99 and the triple density clocking in at $150. These are pricey toys, so if you’re short on cash but still craving something to fill your holes, try the cheaper Elements line from Uberrime to see what you like.

The Bella fares very well in a harness, the large base of the toy makes it very stable when slipped through an O ring. I wore it for hours, prancing around in my Talisman Leather harness as though I had a unicorn horn strapped to my crotch. I even mastered the performance art of the helicopter, and I delight in spinning my cock like a sexy hurricane.

In it’s dual density flavor, the Bella is very much like an erection. It has a nice layer of squish to it, but the firm inner core makes every thrust dramatic and intensely felt. That does mean that if you’re built a little smaller like myself though, and you try to just ram this rocket home, you’re probably going to cuss at this toy. Please don’t, the Bella is a dildo and it can’t understand you.

But, if you give yourself time to warm up and allow your hole to relax, the Bella fills you up oh so comfortably. The Bella isn’t really a G-spot homing device given it’s straight-as-an-arrow shape, but the size of it put’s enough pressure on my vaginal walls that I’m still pretty satisfied. I even got a little bit of cervix stimulation from time to time, which was a first for me. While I don’t know how this toy would work for A-spot stimulation (I’m not sure where mine is) I think that the Bella would be a good toy for exploring deeper stimulation spots.

This brings me to the triple density Bella and oh, how to even begin. The triple density has a soft layer of silicone on top, a gooey, melty secondary layer and a firm inner core. The triple density Bella is pinchable, unlike any other toy in my collection. The soft upper layers of the Bella slide around on the top, making it more skin-like than I’ve ever felt with a sex toy of any stripe. Once, I warmed the dildo in a bowl of water and then masturbated with it. Pair that warm, realistic dildo with an erotic romance novel and you’ll really feel like you’re getting plowed by the hunk in the pages. The softness does have a slight drawback though: it dulls the lovely skin-like texturing of the toy. I don’t doubt that some people will find this very irritating, and if you need texture to get off, I don’t recommend the triple density.

Who would I recommend this dildo to? Well, I have two groups in mind for this particular prick. The first group would be aspiring size queens, as it combines size with pretty reasonable comfort. The second group would be strap on tops who are looking to please an experienced strap on bottom. This dildo is luxurious and IT WILL spoil your strap-on bottom, provided they can handle the size.

As to where you can buy this dildo, you can buy it directly from Uberrime or SheVibe, depending on your fancy. Both are excellent places, and I’ll happily stand by that statement. If you’ve got the dough and a hankering for pinchably soft silicone cock, you should ABSOLUTELY go get a Bella for yourself.

This product was provided to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks Uberrime!

Writing and Blogging

2020: Goals and Reflections

Hey y’all. It’s coming up on the end of the year and I feel like I want to take a minute to reflect on it and maybe set some intentions for the coming year. Indulge me if you will, or wait until the new year to read some posts that are a little less reflective.

I’ve been feeling guilty that I haven’t been updating my blog and my reviews as much. My confidence in my ability to be a reviewer and a writer has been wavering, and my backlog has been getting me down. My affiliates have been so patient and I’m very grateful that they’ve given me space. In 2019, I started gaining more recognition, but I also secured my first full time job in a decidedly not sexy field. My financial and mental health situation has been getting better, but I haven’t been devoting as much time as I’d like to this blog. I want to refocus my energy and bring back life to this place that I love so passionately.

For starters, I’d like to publish my own erotic fiction on this blog, as well as some more exploration of kink. I want to write more personal pieces about my own sexuality and how I’ve noticed it developing. For instance, I’ve been noticing that my fantasies during masturbation often involve me inhabiting a more dominant role than usual, which is something I find super interesting. My fantasies have also been involving more monstrous looking lovers of late and that’s also something I’d love to talk about.

I fucking adore sex toys, so I’m definitely going to plow through my backlog and work on attaining more toys for review, as well as some kink implements. I believe I’ve mentioned previously that I received a mask from PenguinAfterDark for review, and I’m honestly thinking of writing that review as part of Bloodborne erotica.

Book reviews are also in order, as well as reading lists, monthly reviews and EVEN MORE community engagement. I love all the sex bloggers I’ve met and I want to collaborate with more of them. I’m thinking toy swaps, art collaborations, April Fool’s jokes, movie screenings and book clubs (I wanna join Kitten Boheme’s!) to start! I invite people to comment if they have more ideas.

2020 is full of potential and delight. I’m at a much better place now than I was at the beginning of 2019, and I think I’m at the right place to capitalize on my new stability. I’m going to punch my way through the end of this year and get started on making 2020 a good one.

20 Goals for 2020

Have one post a week up
Write a complete erotic story
Use my own original art on this website
Write every day
Start my own original fiction
Read everyday
Join a book club
Fill my Moleskine notebooks
Complete my backlog of toys
Schedule my social media
Get an actually decent porn subscription
Collaborate with other bloggers
Own a glass dildo
Get my very own leather jacket
Create a Sex Blogger Pen (Pin) Pal Club?
Get Spotify Premium
Create an erotic aspiration list
Start a sex spread sheet (masturbation sheet?)
Attend another sex convention
Love and promote my people in the sex toy community.

A big thank you to: Uberrime who has not only made wonderful toys and been a source of joy to review, but who also sponsored my trip to Sex Down South and to whom I will always owe a debt of gratitude, Lust Arts who first gave me a chance as a reviewer, StrangeBedFellas who creates beautiful toys and has been so patient with me, HodgePodgeEntourage for making the most stunning pours I’ve ever seen, PenguinAfterDark for being wonderful, hilarious people and…you, my readers. Thanks everyone, let’s melt this New Year’s face!!

Writing and Blogging

Turkey Day Catch Up! October and November

Hey guys, I know it’s been a while. I want you to know that I’m not dead! And that as the year winds down, I should be posting more often since I’ll get some free time around the holidays. I’ve been up to a lot, but I’ll try to summarize as best I can.

I went to Sex Down South in September. I’ve got a whole post sitting in my drafts about it and I swear I’ll finish it!
I’ve got the Kip, the digIt and a fun glowy dildo to review coming up! I am extremely excited to write about all these products.
I’ve also got both Bellas from Uberrime, as well as a piece of VixSkin to compare them to. Now if only I could get my paws on the triple density VixSkin toy to compare…but here’s a sneak preview: GET THE BELLA!
It’s almost Black Friday and there are a FUCK TON of sales! I recommend SheVibeand Peepshow Toys if you’re looking to stock up on the cheap. Personally, I’ll be getting the WeVibe Tango and the Pillow Talk Sassy from Peepshow this year, I’m curious to see how they stack up!
I have a leather mask to review from PenguinAfterDarkthat I just ADORE! I’m honestly thinking of doing a photoshoot in it so I can really explain how it makes me feel. It also gives me MAJOR Persona 5 vibes. Maybe that would be a fun way to market it…
As far as kinks go, I’ve been exploring hypnosis recently and I’m really curious to see how that would go. I’m less interested in being hypnotized and more interested in hypnotizing someone into losing their inhibitions and ravishing me though.
I’ve started some new reading! Rosemary’s Baby, The Complete Works of H.P. Lovecraft, and the Ultimate Guide to Kink to name a few! Man I have a lot of books to read.
I’ve also been working away on my NaNoWriMo project! I don’t think I’ll win this year, but I’m gonna do my best!

Thanks everyone for your patience. Also, expect a piece later today about my own Black Friday deals that I’ve got cookin’! You want wanna miss it.

Love y’all, have a good Turkey Day!

Reviews

XenoCat Artifacts Barghest Review

A while back (in terms of Twitter), I wanted to try reviewing toys with knots. I’d seen them a lot on social media and lusted over them on Etsy. And so when XenoCat offered me the chance to try their take on a canine cock, well, you could say I was fit to be tied. Lame puns aside, I was ecstatic to try the Barghest, having tried the Monarch and just adored that ripply texture. It’s actually one of the go-to dildos I suggest for people interested in trying out fantasy toys because of its friendly design. But back to the point, as soon as this pretty pastel penis hit my doorstep, I fucked myself with it. And then…I took forever to review it. Both the Barghest and the dongmongers behind it deserve better, so I’m going attempt to rectify my long silence here in this review by telling you just HOW GOOD this supernatural schlong is.

The first thing to assure yourself of is that the Medium Barghest is not HUGE. To be specific, it’s about 5.75″ long and maybe 2″ thick at the widest part of the knot. It’s certainly packing a bit more in dimensions than say, the Deelit, but the Barghest is not exactly built to terrify. In fact, when I picture what this dildo might be attached to, I picture a gentle werewolf lover, welcoming me into her protective arms and filling me up just right with her canid cock. I admit, I’ve always had a weakness for strong werewolves and this was just the dildo for my fantasies.

At the start of my masturbation session with the Barghest, I only used the top of the shaft. And it was perfectly seductive. It slipped in and out of my cunt with silken ease and was curved just enough to graze my G-spot in a tantalizing manner. The knot was still outside of me, teasing my entrance and I shivered to think what it might feel like. In my fantasies, my lady werewolf lover teases me with the knot, asking me if I’m ready to take it. As my vag gradually warms up and becomes more relaxed, I find myself getting excited at the prospect of getting that drool-worthy knot in me.

When I found myself close to climaxing, I stuffed myself with the Barghest’s knot and boy howdy. I may not love every knotted cock out there, but I’ve fallen ass over teakettle for the Barghest. The knot feels like it occupies every square inch of my vagina; it stimulates my vagina just by being so filling that it can’t NOT hit my G-spot. Between the golden sensation of fullness and the G-spot satisfaction, the Barghest made me one happy customer.

Clearly, the people at XenoCat know their trade very well. Not only are the dildos they’ve crafted beautiful, but they’re pleasurable as all get out too. I can’t thank them enough for their patience and their brilliant design work. As for who should consider the Barghest as their newest playmate? This toy is great for intermediate players and for those looking to try a knot without wanting to struggle too much. So if you’re someone who’s felt the call of fantasy dildos, I highly recommend the Barghest.

This product was provided to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks XenoCat Artifacts!

Reviews

Strange BedFellas Deelit Review

The internet seems to have stereotype when it comes to fantasy toys. Or a few stereotypes anyway. The first being that all fantasy toys have to be both ridiculously long and orifice-bustingly thick to be worth the money. The second is that only furries could possibly want a toy that dares to be something more than the standard human model or an abstract shape for pleasure. The Deelit from Strange BedFellas is a diminutive dong with a daring personality. The Deelit says to the world that realm of fantasy cannot and should not be limited to the size queens. The Deelit says to all of us with pansy poopers and wussy pussies that we’re welcome into the fantasy fold.

71922400_526999367843694_3103197249560117248_n — The BEAUTIFUL Deelit

The Deelit’s design looks like the product of the marriage of an ice cream cone and alien. And boy is this result ever handsome, with a swirling design and beautiful, icy coloration that put a twinkle in any monsterfucker’s eye. At 4.75″ in length and just 1.6″ in girth at the thickest, the Deelit doesn’t break any records for size. However, that size also means that it’s perfect for users with vaginismus, as well as users who are anal beginners. However, since I’m all vagina all the time, and the design so beautiful, it was only moments until I stuffed into my vagina.

I melted at the first thrust of the Deelit, savoring the gentle rippling texture as I pushed it to the hilt inside of me. Once the insertion was over, I immediately started the removal, wanting to feel those GLORIOUS ripples again. When moving, the Deelit is a gentle but noticeable partner. For the first half of my masturbation session, I can fuck myself silly with the Deelit in my vag and the Zumio on my clit.

Inevitably though, once my vagina opens up I started craving more sensation. And if the Deelit was stationary? No dice. Inevitably, I swapped the Deelit out for a larger toy, but I can’t deny that it made my warmup and first orgasms phenomenal.

If I were to class this dildo, I would definitely say it was a dildo for fantasy lovers with vaginismus or otherwise unused to penetration. For people looking for a rougher ride, Id look to another friend from Strange BedFellas, though I truly believe that this is a worthy addition to any toybox!

This toy was provided to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks Strange BedFellas!

Reviews

Neo Elite Dildo 7″ Review

Who here relishes the idea of sex toys? Great, I was hoping you would considering the fact that you’ve made it to my site. Now who also has had two tightly intertwined problems: 1) You need a soft, body safe sex toy but 2) You’re short on cash so you can’t shell out for Vixen. Yeah, I know, isn’t this all of us? Dual density has long been the realm of the luxury dildos. Vixen is perhaps the most widely known of all the companies to make dual density, though for many a casual masturbator, the $100+ price tag puts them off trying. For a long time, this was me, the casual masturbator too afraid to shell out for luxury but not wanting any porous crap in my body. My first dildo was a rock hard Lovehoney dildo that hurt every time I tried to insert it. So I was put off of silicone dildos for a while until I got used to penetration. But maybe…maybe if I’d had a dual density dildo I wouldn’t have been put off by silicone for that time. And I think that maybe if the Neo Elite 7.5 Inch Dual Density Realistic Silicone Dildo With Balls (here on referred to the Neo Elite) had been my first dildo, I would’ve had a happier experience over all.

The first thing that jumps to mind when looking at The Neo Elite is the cheery orange color. I admit it, I’m a sucker for non-normative sex toy colors so that sort of influenced me when I asked for SheVibe to let me review this toy. But I was also stunned by the price! Usually, a dual density dildo will run you AT LEAST 50 dollars. But the Neo Elite slides in at under $32, which is a fucking steal. Honestly, I’m not sure what kind of dildo wizardry Blush has pulled, but when I saw the price tag and the words ‘dual density’ I knew I needed to try it, to see if it might be worth recommending as a beginner dildo.

Aside from the bright orange color, the Neo Elite is kind of a tame looking dildo. It looks like a nicely rendered human penis without falling into the sex toy uncanny valley but that’s about it. The 7.5 version does sport balls for some unfathomable reason; they’re like little silicone ornaments. And the dimensions aren’t that crazy, clocking in at 1.5″ in girth and 5.5″ in insertable length. If this were a single density dildo, it really wouldn’t be worth the time.

But GOD that dual density makes the fucking difference. When I’m ultra sensitive or sore but I still want penetration, this is a good dildo. I lube up with a little Good Clean Love and I can gently work myself open with the Neo Elite. The Neo Elite doesn’t argue with my body or force it open, it gently persuades me that I want my vag to be filled. The dual density is cushy enough to soften the initial entry and lets me fill myself with squishy comfort. While I don’t often use it as a finisher, it’s great for starting off masturbation. And it was a pretty good tool to get me used to penetration again when my boyfriend got home. Earlier this year, I hadn’t been using dildos for a month, so when my boyfriend got home penetration was uncomfortable. Thank God for the Neo Elite, I was able to not only feel comfortable being penetrated, but it started on finding pleasure in it after having neglecting my dildos for a month.

I’ve come to the conclusion that if I could go back in time, I would take away that hard as a rock Lovehoney dildo and gift the Neo Elite to me two years ago. She would have adored it and it would’ve made prevented me from getting scared off by dildos for a while. This is a toy I recommend to people wanting to try penetration with something approximately the size of a human but want something gentler to start off with. I also recommend it to people who want to see if softer sex toys are for them without dropping a ton of cash right away. At 31.99, the Neo Elite is a sweet deal for your wallet and your holes.

This product was provided to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review! Thanks SheVibe!

Writing and Blogging

June + July Wrap Up: Empty Bed Blues

This post has been a long time coming, so I appreciate everyone waiting for me! I’ve been dealing with bouts of depression and burn out, so finally getting this post out feels like a big weight off me! Now I’ll get my reviews in after this…

Partnered Life

My partnered life has been kind of non-existent lately. Why’s that you may ask? Well, my boyfriend is out of the country, and that’s had the both of us feeling lonely. While the boyfriend and I make sure to have a phone call everyday, I miss waking up next to him in bed.

The good news is that of time of writing this piece, my boyfriend will be home in just a few days! We’ve got lots planned for our reunion, and I plan on it being smashing.

Health and Wellness

Like my partnered life, my health and wellness have sort of been taking a back seat as I deal with loneliness and with getting used to my new job! However! All hope is not lost, as I’ve started making a few changes for the better. I’ve started hiking the trails near my apartment and I’ve generally increased my water in take to help me sleep better at night.

As of time of writing, my meditation practice and daily writing goals have fallen off. So, my new goal is to not beat myself up over this, but to allow myself to ease back into these practices. Here’s hoping that I can get back into it!

Turn Ons and Toys

Due to my partner’s aforementioned absence, toys have figured more prominently than ever in my solo sex life. More specifically, The Strange Bedfellas Tyv, the Uberrime Bella, and the Spirito have been my bedside companions for the past month and a half. I’m a big fan of the girth that the Tyv rocks, and the Bella is just…bellissima. Absolutely perfect in terms of softness and comfort for when I don’t want a wank that’s overwhelming. Using the Bella is like the dildo equivalent of a gentle, capable masseuse working out all the knots in your anxious, tight shoulders. Except in this case it’s my vagina.

With regards to my fantasy life, I’ve been big into the bimbo/braindrain fetish. Something about being a brainless slut happily slurping cocks has been really appealing. Maybe it’s the inability to feel anxiety? Maybe it’s the freedom of reclaiming sexist tropes? Or maybe I just really want to suck some dick. Its anyone’s guess.

Misc

Visiting home and buying new wine glasses. Trying on new perfumes. Seeing a heron snatch a fish out of the water. Petting dogs at the office. Ordering new enamel pins. Buying discounted dildos. Drinking grapefruit San Pellegrino mixed with white wine. Writing a post again. Saying ‘I love you’. Getting a Moleskine notebook as a souvenir. Texting good friends. Making plans to attend a conference.

Reviews

Melted! The Magma Silicone Dildo Review

The summer of 2017 was the first time I started really getting into the world of sex toys. I voraciously consumed articles from Epiphora, Dangerous Lilly and Artemisa FemmeCock. As I combed through old posts, the ones that were the most exciting and the most heart wrenching were the posts that featured discontinued products. I look back on those posts featuring lost brands like Ophoria and Fucking Sculptures with a sense of frustration. Such great toys that I will NEVER get to experience unless by the grace of some god out there I snagged one in a sale or in a swap. And so I had, for the longest time, assumed the Tantus Splash would be forever out of my reach as well…until now. A few months ago, Tantus relaunched the Splash in it’s new, re-vamped form as The Magma. Delighted beyond all reason, I asked SheVibe to review it and they agreed! Now all this dildo had to do was live up to the hype.

Just by looking at the Magma, I knew I was in for an intense experience of some kind. Not because of the dimensions necessarily though. At about seven inches long in total with six insertable inches, the Magma is not an ultra long toy, nor is it particularly girthy, clocking in at just 1.5 inches thick. But then, were this toy any bigger, it would easily be the most overwhelming toy in my collection currently. The ad copy for the Magma claims that the Magma is ‘super soft’ which most dildo veterans know to be a bit of an exaggeration when it comes to Tantus. The Magma is flexible and bendy, but I wouldn’t call it squishy or soft really. It doesn’t want to conform to the inner workings of my body in the way that an Uberrime or a LustArts toy does, but it doesn’t fight my contours too much. So while I won’t validate this toy as being ‘super soft’ I will say that it’s not as hard as their regular formula.

So how did the made over Splash fair in my vag? Well, this is the part of the review that I’ve been putting off writing, because well…it requires nuance. I really can’t rattle off an exuberant idiom proclaiming my love for this dildo but I also can’t say that I’ve fallen in love with it. It’s hard to say how I feel about the Magma. At times, it can be wildly and uncomfortably scrape-y on my insides. But at other times, it can be a pretty pleasurable ride. During the days where my cunt is so desensitized that I have to bust out the textured heavy hitters to get any kind of pleasurable sensation out of my leaden vagina, I’ll whip out the Magma. But most days, I found the Magma to be far too firm and far to scrape-y and scratchy in my vagina to really be an asset in masturbation. It was distracting, and sometimes uncomfortable to the point of pain if I wasn’t using very thick lube a la GCL or going very slowly. With a lot of warm up, I found the Magma to be more comfortable, but not really very pleasurable. So really, outside of the initial testing phase, this dildo hasn’t seen a lot of use.

My overwhelming sense of the Magma is of someone who encounters a much vaunted classic movie and then is wildly underwhelmed. Imagine if you went in to watch Titanic and came away feeling feeling mildly uncomfortable and confused as to why everyone was raving over it and you’ll get the scope of my feelings for this toy. Tantus, I’m afraid you’ve struck out again with me.

This toy was provided to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks SheVibe!

Reviews

Uberrime Spiro Review

The Uberrime Spiro is an EXTREMELY charming dildo. I mean, how could I not ask to review it? With those bright colors and enticing G-spotty head, I couldn’t resist. The orange makes the Spiro look like a fuckable mimosa, which is probably my favorite cocktail to drink while lounging in a bubble bath. I just have to be careful with those, or else I end up spending a longer time in the bath than I originally planned. But back to the Spiro, I’m delighted to say that this is as visually delicious as it is vaginally!

The Spiro is a relatively average dimensioned dildo, with 6 and half inches of length and a maximum girth of 1.75 inches. It’s thick, but not overwhelmingly so. Rather, it provides a nice chunk of silicone for your hole to squeeze around. The density is firm, which can make initial insertion uncomfortable. I recommend a healthy amount of lube and a session of gentler warm up before using the Spiro.

The product description says that the Spiro is a G-spotting toy, and with that unusually shaped head, it’s pretty obvious why. As a G-spotter, the Spiro is a fine dildo, worthy of it’s comparison to a mimosa. Feeling that unique, flat yet bulbous head stroke my G-spot is a squirm-inducing affair and I’m quite the fan. But it also has another, more secret purpose: being an A-spotting tool for the more petite among us. Which, if you don’t know, I am one of the more petite among us. I clock in at about 5’2″ depending on which of my doctors you ask. So most toys that are used for A-spot pleasure are usually too long for me. But the Spiro has gotten me interested in this more hidden place of pleasure within my body. I can’t say for certain that I’ve experienced A-spot pleasure, but I’ve definitely felt some interesting sensations deeper in my vagina.

With regards to the rest of the Spiro, The ridges are noticeable but gentle, not something that will appeal to the texture slutty among us. But it gives my vaginal walls enough sensation that I won’t write the Spiro’s ridges off. I personally like my texture understated when I’m in my more sensitive days, so the Spiro saw more use when I was on or close to menstruation. However, I have to be careful with the length, or else I risk jabbing my cervix on those days. It’s a tradeoff, but it’s one I’m happy to make.

The Spiro is like the perfect mimosa. It’s sweet but with just a little kick and it’ll get you exactly where you need to go. Uberrime, keep being an absolute GEM.

I received this product free of charge in exchange for an honest review. Thanks Uberrime!

Get the Spiro here at SheVibe!

Reviews

JeJoue Classic Bullet Review

As readers of my previous posts may know, I’ve been a faithful lover to my Exposed Nocturnal Bullet. Yes, I admitted the toy had some faults, even in the loving post where I reviewed it, I mentioned that I thought the toy had given me a cut on my urethra. But even the threat of a recurrence of this unfortunate event wasn’t enough to put me off. It’s cheap, rechargeable and strong. And I’d still recommend it if your budget firmly excludes vibrators over fifty dollars! But…this month my clit was wooed. Seduced away from the knife sharp vibrations by more rumbly, sweet vibrations that gently massaged my clitoris and all her internal structures. Yes, I admit, I’ve found someone else. The JeJoue Classic Bullet is rumbly and gentle to me and I’ve fallen head over heels.

The JeJoue Classic Bullet is a silicone covered bullet without any bells and whistles to differentiate it from the other bullets. Well, perhaps excepting the cheerful teal color and squishy silicone tip. There are three buttons on the side, and there are 5 speeds which range from a fluttery tap to a more robust buzz. Some reviewers despise the button placement, but I don’t really find it that inconvenient. Still, it does make the bullet a little less ergonomic. The Classic is also waterproof, which I tested in my sink as I washed a few choice dildos. It holds an average amount of charge, and so I was disappointed the two times it died on me and I had to find another toy to finish me off. Admittedly I go for weeks without charging it, so this is kind of my fault. And, as mentioned above, the Classic also has a squishy tip, which some other reviewers have noted! This makes the bullet vibe a little more comfortable if you like to put pressure against your clit.

Now, as for how the Classic fairs against my clitoris…well, it’s like taking my clit to the spa. This is a gentle massage, a purring rumble that makes my internal structures SWOON. In terms of music, the Exposed Nocturnal is a shrieking electric guitar, all sharp and strong, where the Classic is a thrumming, throbbing bass. The quality of vibrations are so different that it actually took a little while for my brain to interpret the vibrations of pleasurable. But I also noticed that my clit needed less of a break between orgasms and felt less raw after the sessions. There’s a fuzzy-wuzzy comfortable feeling to these vibrations and it penetrates deeply, so my clitoris doesn’t get numbed out like it does sometimes with buzzier vibes. My whole clitoral network gets involved, so I can place this just to one side of my vulva and be awash in LOVELY sensation. On the lower levels, the sensation is almost like tapping on my clit rather than strictly vibrations. It’s like a tapping pattern but with no break in stimulation. What I’m saying is that this vibe is like a good vanilla ice cream: not innovative, but a simple thing done excellently. And at a fair price considering the Classic is only $59!

I’m not saying that I don’t still love my Exposed Nocturnal, it was my first love after all. But I am saying that I’m not monogamous with my vibrators. The Classic has been a trooper, reliably tapping and thrumming against my clit until I shudder and cum. Honestly, it’s a toy that exemplifies the perks of being a sex toy reviewer.

This product was provided to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks SheVibe!