Tag: dildo

Reviews, Uncategorized

XenoCat Artifacts Monarch Review

Indie makers are absolutely fearless with their designs. And where would we be without them? Probably sans a lot of creatively designed and beautiful sex toys, adrift in a sea of boring realistic cookie-cutter toys that the big wigs believe consumers want. As if everyone who’s looking for sexual pleasure is the corporate ideal of a heterosexual cisgender woman who is frighteningly devoted to any and all shades of the colors pink and purple. Thank God then, that indie makers exist. And furthermore, thank God for XenoCat Artifacts. Yes, today I get to try something from this exquisite silicone sculptor (her DESIGNS ARE EXQUISITE, though Ere herself is also fucking cute). When XenoCat extended that generous offer to try one of their toys, you best believe that when I accepted I was grinning like an idiot trying to get my teeth photographed by the Hubble Space Telescope.

MONARCH PRODUCT PHOTO
The Monarch in the snow. JUST BEAUTIFUL.

I was offered the choice between the Monarch and the Argus and I weighed my options carefully. In the end though, the Monarch won because it looked more fun texture-wise and also I wouldn’t be thinking of eyes with this dildo. My Monarch is in the Medium size, at 6 inches insertable and 1.5 (ish) inches thick. It’s a modest size, somewhat of a break from the HUGE dildos that I’ve managed inside me (cough, the Frank’s Monster). At a squishy 00-50 shore density, the toy is among the softest ones that I own, yielding readily to a friendly squeeze. The colors, it must be said, are a gorgeous marbling of gold and blue. Gold and blue is perhaps one of my favorite color ways aside from a straight red toy, so it wins in the looks department.

Also, I must say that I am IN LOVE with that curly, bifurcated design. It’s so fucking playful! The Monarch, in spite of its regal name, doesn’t take itself too seriously and I can really get behind that. It’s playful without being cutesy or frilly and thus has my respect.

I approached this toy with some excitement; that curly head was extremely enticing and I admit it did not take long for me to stuff myself with the Monarch. And to my delight, this was exactly the right call. I really like the Monarch! The ribbing can look a little intimidating, especially to those new to texture, but please don’t be afraid. The Monarch, in its delightfully squishy density, takes care of you. The Monarch is a gentle lover, and the rippling texture doesn’t bruise your insides. It gently opens you and massages your insides, feeling a little bit like gentle fingering. I don’t thrust wildly with this toy like the way website says it ought to be use, I sort of jiggle the base of the Monarch and clench around it while I rub my clit. It feels amazing to clench around, the ribbing is prominent enough even in this squishy density that I can really enjoy it.

But with as gentle as this toy is, it can feel a little underwhelming if I use it after the first orgasm. After I’ve cum and I go for a second round, the Monarch doesn’t feel as good now that I’m warmed up and ready to go. The squishy density, so welcome to my vagina in what was the preliminary heat of masturbation, becomes kind of wimpy once I’m ready for the big leagues. There’s nothing wrong with the Monarch, in fact I requested a squishy density specifically, so there’s only myself to blame. Still, after that first orgasm, the Monarch gets set aside in favor of something bigger, firmer or both.

Cleaning this toy can be a bit of a hassle. This comes as no surprise given the texture! The swirly bi-furcated head traps body fluids easily, and so waiting to clean this is a no. Luckily this dildo doesn’t require tooth brush maintenance, I can work my thumb in the grooves to get out the fluids without too much elbow grease on my part.

The Monarch has been a delight to review. It’s sort of like an extroverted lightweight friend. They’re fun and great to have at parties, but they have to head home early because they’re kind of on the more delicate side. Still, the Monarch has been giving me stellar warm up orgasms and I’m THRILLED to add it to my toy box.

This product was sent to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks XenoCat!

Reviews

The NoFrillDo X Review

The NoFrillDo project was born last year, approximately at the end of November if I’m reading the Indiegogo page correctly. The idea behind it? That body-safe pleasure didn’t have to have a high price tag. The NoFrillDo project came to fruition, cheered on by the sex positive community and gave birth to three designs: The R, The G, and The B. With Funkit’s simple but effective designs and affordable pricing, the world of sexual pleasure became more accessible to those among us who are ballin’ on a budget. So it can be no surprise that the world of the sex positive eagerly awaited the newest installment of the NoFrillDo project. This year, Funkit launched the continuation of the project, bringing in the NoFrillDos X and L, much thicker and longer toys than their comparatively modest siblings. The size captain in me was ecstatic when Kenton decided to send me the delightfully thick NoFrillDo X and I couldn’t wait to put it to the test!

So did this affordable silicone cutie live up to the hype? Did it rock my world and charm my cunt? Well…sort of. The NoFrillDo X is exactly what it seems to be. Kenton was serious about this being a no frills toy. The X doesn’t make an attempt at changing your sexual landscape. If you buy this hoping for revolutionary G-spot pleasure or for new sensations, you’ll find yourself disappointed. But for a budget conscious member of size royalty? This is a fantastic toy to get.

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The chunky NoFrillDo X in its eye searing, magenta glory.

The NoFrillDo X is a meaty one. At 7 inches insertable and 1.9 inches in diameter cast in shore 20 silicone, this isn’t for someone who is in anyway uncertain about girth. My particular NoFrillDo came in Magenta. Now normally I would never pick this color myself, but it’s hard to hold it against the toy given the bright, cheeriness of the color. Its dimensions are similar to the Jammy, a similarly affordable dildo in a more realistic cast.

The base also deserves some discussion.  It’s slanted. Or rather, the base of the toy is still flat, but the base appears askew. It’s like this on all of the toys, so you can rest assured it’s not a defect, but I do wonder about the reasoning behind it. I’ll admit, the unevenness of the base does give me some concerns; there are some Funkit toys that also have some narrow flares that Kenton believes are best served by attaching to another toy to use as a handle. While I don’t think there should be any issue for anal play, I do recommend playing special attention because of the slanted base. Also for harness use, I don’t think this base would be ideal. But for vaginal use? POUND AWAY.

So what to say about the NoFrillDo X in use? Well, it generally feels like a thick, ribbed insertable object. There’s no forgiving squish with the X, it opens you right up. If I’m not peak aroused, then the ribs frankly aggravate my vagina, much in the way that I expected it would; a combination of firmness and ridge prominence makes for an uncomfortable sensation should I try to just stuff myself. It’s the vaginal equivalent of hitting potholes over and over again when driving down the highway, a jarring and uncomfortable experience.

But when I’m aroused? I take the rippling texture of the X just fine. The bumps make themselves known very pleasurably and are pretty stimulating whether I pound away quickly or take my time with long slow strokes. It feels FUCKING GOOD is what I’m saying.  There’s no G-spot curve, the toy seems to rely upon the ribbed texture and thickness to create a pleasing pressure, which while it works, it does make me a little wistful. Ah, to have a curve. Even a little one. I use the X for that full feeling that I can’t get from more slender dildos. The X is pretty simple and effective at filling me up and making itself known.

I also use the X after I’ve warmed up and as a warm up of its own. It’s a great warm up toy for the Jammy, The Lust Arts Frank’s Monster, and my own fist. Yes, using the X (in a round about way) allowed me to get warmed up enough that I could fit my whole hand inside my vagina! So while the X can’t exactly take credit for that, it does get an award for being a good assist.

In all, this dildo largely accomplishes what it sets out to do. It’s thick, it fills you up, and it won’t hurt your wallet too much in accomplishing this. For intermediate size royalty members and those of us who love them, this is a good toy to get without breaking the bank. For those looking for more refined dildos with a more ambitious goal than just being filled up? Save your pennies and look elsewhere.

Funkit Toys provided this toy to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks Funkit Toys!

 

Advice

Super Size Me: Big Toys Under $40

I must confess, I am becoming a size queen. While I can still love and adore smaller toys, big toys make my eyes light with avarice. But inevitably, my enthusiasm is squashed once I see the price tag. A dejected whine escapes my throat as I consider the cost against my vaginal delight, and eventually I turn away from the toy, removing it from my cart with a sigh. And so I have been on a quest, looking for HUGE DILDOS for a modest price. And I tell you, I have succeeded! I personally own two of these and can vouch for their quality!

  1. The Blush Novelties Elvira: I won this toy from a giveaway and I ADORE this girthy little sweetheart. 2 inches thick at the thickest, and with a stubby 5.5 inches in length, this toy is amazing. At $24, this toy is a baby size queen’s best friend. Bonus, it also has a suction cup!
  2. The Blush Novelties Ruse Jammy: I bought this myself when I saw how GOD DAMN CHEAP it was! At $33, you get a massive toy for very little! I’m talking 2 inches thick with 7.5 inches insertable. This is a CHUNKY toy. For those of us who lusted after Vixen Creations Randy but couldn’t cough up the cash for it, this is for you. It’s got a damned good suction cup (trust me, I’ve tried it) and it has incredibly realistic detail if you’re into that kind of thing. If you really wanna follow in my footsteps, also pick up the Blush Exposed Nocturnal! It’s on sale at Peepshow now and it’s damned good.
  3. The Dorcel SO Phospho Glow: This toy looks like a silicone version of the NJoy Eleven. However, it’s $33, glows in the dark and is honestly a dream come true. With two ends, a thin end at 1.3″ and a thick end at 1.9″, this toy is versatile AND filling!
  4. The Blush Novelties Sumo: Another Blush toy?? Yes! This company is really coming through for size queens with small budgets. This toy is a soft, dual density silicone with a thick, semi realistic look to it. It’s a chunky 2 inches thick and 6.8 inches insertable. It comes in Indigo and Violet, has a suction cup, and the best part? With the Black Friday 2018 deals, you can get this sucker for $15!

Armed with this new knowledge, go forth and get you some girthy silicone to squeeze around! Your holes and your wallet will love you.

Reviews

Backdoor Blessings: The Lust Arts Unicorn Horn Review

As I’ve mentioned previously on this blog, I am not an anal aficionado. More like an anal amateur than anything else. I BELONG IN THE ANAL MINOR LEAGUES, I’M NOT READY TO GO PRO. Don’t get me wrong, I’m always eager to try out things for my butt, but it’s not often that I find myself hankering for an anal only adventure. Well, that was until Lust Arts graced me once again with one of their toys. This month, Lust Arts sent me their Unicorn Horn for review and they’ve made for one of my first dildo reviews where I’ve only used the toy anally!

LUST ARTS UNICORN HORN PRODUCT PHOTO
The shimmery black Lust Arts Unicorn Horn looking suitably goth.

I’m not a girl who went crazy over unicorns. To be honest, I was one of the girls in middle school who constantly made dragon characters and some day, I’ll have a dragon dildo to reflect that. However, that doesn’t impede my love for the visuals of this toy. The Lust Arts Unicorn Horn is a gently spiraling toy, starting thin at the tip and widening as you continue down the shaft. Mine came in a solid shimmery black, which I think is fantastic. My aesthetic could roughly be defined as a mixture between: Varsity Jock, Punk, and Slut. And damn if this shimmery black unicorn horn doesn’t suit me exactly. At about 6.5″ long and 1.75″ at the thickest in the Moaner size, the Unicorn Horn isn’t exactly petite, but because the thickness is variable, I’d consider this to be somewhere between a beginner and intermediate dildo. Mine also came in the Medium firmness, or shore 10, which is quite flexible, but stiff enough to feel a little more dense.

That density is very important to me. Because floppy toys are notoriously hard to put in for anal play. But thankfully, the Unicorn Horn was very simple to ease into my backside. And oh when it did…the spiraling texture felt hypnotically pleasurable. As the girth increased and slowly opened up my ass, I felt soft moans tumble from my lips. The softness of the silicone made it a gentle, but pleasurable experience. Taking the Unicorn Horn in my behind made me realize that anal play isn’t always a session where you have to work hard to enjoy something in your ass. The Unicorn Horn must have some magic on it, because I used with ease and comfort that I haven’t with any other toy except perhaps the Pure Plug. I didn’t feel obligated to take it in my ass to review it properly; I want to feel the dildo slowly and orgasmically open me up. My butt was being blessed by Lust Art’s very thoughtful take on a Unicorn Horn dildo.

But the best session was when I used the Unicorn’s suction cup solo. I had stuck the Unicorn Horn to my headboard, dripped lube onto it and slowly backed my butt up onto the dildo. It took only the most minimal of finagling to get the Horn to go into my ass, after which I sighed in contentment. I rocked my hips back and forth, feeling the Horn stroke my ass gently but insistently. In my head, I pictured a gentle dominant easing the Horn in and out of my butt, whispering filthy words of encouragement as I took the toy deeper and deeper. When I came, I saw stars before my eyes. Then I gracelessly slumped to the bed, and the toy slipped out of my butt with the sound than canned cranberry sauce makes when you shake it wobbling from the can. I was a boneless heap of satisfaction, my face adorned with the idiot grin of all masturbators who have just achieved a massive orgasm.

I have little to compare the Horn to, save the Ripple I purchased in the summer of this year. The Ripple is a toy that makes me want to say it is formidable. Like anal beads and a dildo combined together, I had thought it would be the perfect anal toy. And it was fairly pleasurable. The beads were thought out, the silicone firm and the toy easy enough to maneuver. But it pales in comparison to the pleasure I’ve experienced with the Unicorn Horn. The Unicorn Horn allows for more minute gradations in girth and provides a gentle texture for anal interest, allowing for a more gradual opening up of the ass or other orifice. The slightly softer density is also more forgiving to anal amateurs. If you’re still in the minor leagues for anal play, I’d recommend the Unicorn Horn. 

Lust Arts, you make wonderful, fantastical toys. And this time, you’ve done it again with your Unicorn Horn. For people interested in snagging one of these beautiful toys themselves, considering using one of my affiliate links to get access to the Lust Arts 2018 Black Friday Sale! There’s going to be fun extras like a Charm Set and you’ll get the toys at a lower price if you use my affiliate codes! Use code ROCKET to get 15% off pre-made toys, UNIROCKET to get a free Black Friday Teaser Unicorn Horn with a purchase over $20 (if you’re in the first 25) and MINIROCKET to get a free set of Black Friday charms with any purchase over $20! 

Lust Arts sent me this toy for no charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks Lust Arts!

Reviews

The Maestro Review

In a sense, the Maestro is the first of its kind. It’s the first true suction cup dildo Marco has made; because even though the base of many toys was sticky, Uberrime’s toys did not have true suction cups. Another fun fact about this toy is: I was asked to name it! Yes, I was approached by Uberrime to name the Maestro, possibly because I’m such a loud mouth on Twitter. My choice of the Maestro was approved and later I was approached to review the toy itself. And I gotta say, I’m HONORED. But more than that, I’m delighted to have the Maestro in my vagina. It’s a toy that’s like a good historical fiction film: it has drama, subtlety, and a damned good suction cup. Well, okay, maybe films don’t have that last part. But we can all agree that they SHOULD.

The first thing that I want to mention about the Maestro is the silicone. Not only is it a beautiful color and finish, but the density! The density of the silicone is something that really sets this toy up for greatness in my opinion. Every time I hold the Maestro in my hand I’m struck by how MEATY this toy feels. Of all my current dildos, the Maestro is the one that feels the closest to a fully aroused penis in my opinion. Fully aroused cocks are hard; they might have a little give, but at 100% boner, they’re just not exactly very squishy. At shore 10, this silicone feels damned close to the feeling of a guy so aroused he could bend steel with his cock. Also, the dimensions of the Maestro are quite life like! At about 6.5 inches insertable and 1.67 inches in girth, it mimics an average penis dimensions nicely. Essentially, it feels just like a boner without committing too hard to looking realistic. For people looking for a nice firm fuck, this is where it’s at.

THE MAESTRO PRODUCT PHOTO
The Maestro Suction Cup dildo in all it’s blue and gold glory. Like a baroque painting in silicone.

When I first approached the Maestro, I’ll admit there was some trepidation regarding the prominent coronal ridges. In my previous review, the Element #2 also featured a pair of such ridges that caused discomfort, no matter my arousal level. So you’ll forgive me for approaching the dildo the same way a person tentatively approaches what may or may not be a king snake. By that I mean, I approached with caution, not that I was frantically trying to remember an extremely specific rhyme about snake coloration. But somehow, in spite of the fact that the Maestro is in fact more dramatic, I actually enjoy it. The popping feeling is minimal, and I love how the ridge pushes so insistently against my G spot.  When I thrust, it drags against my insides and the density gives my vagina something wonderful to clench around. Compared to another semi-realistic toy, such as The Vamp, the Maestro fairs far better in my vagina. Possibly because of the friendlier dimensions, but more likely because the design is more agreeable to my vagina.

Now how about that suction cup? Did Marco manage to pull it off? Well I’m delighted to announce: OH HELL YES. That is a suction cup that grips walls like a barnacle grips the outside of a ship. It clings with the same loving fidelity that a spandex suit clings to a superhero’s ass-crack. The Maestro was strong enough to be an auxiliary handle for my fridge and survived my furious slapping of the dildo. Yes, I slapped the dildo like a cat toy. What can I say? Sometimes you need a little stress relief and slapping a silicone dick is so satisfying that you do it between bouts of studying.

I’ve stuck the Maestro to my fridge, to my shower wall, to my head board and to my textured and painted wall. It’s stuck to all of them! The only things it hasn’t stuck to include: the cats, my partner’s forehead and my book bag. If the surface is smooth(ish) and flat, the Maestro will grip it like it like lover who never wants to let it go. The Maestro also gave me a new experience: my first hands-free dildo experience! I used the Maestro in conjunction with the Lust Arts Unicorn Horn and both suction cups were rock solid and gave me my first DP experience! It was a hot session, LET ME TELL YOU. While I was pretty tentative in my ride, I have no doubt that the suction cup would stand up to even more advanced users who were more active in their escapades.

So what else can I say about this dildo? I can tell you the Maestro comes in both one and two color pours, and all of them are beautiful. I can tell you it would be a delight to strap on with that length and prominent head. But mostly? I want to tell you to buy it. I want everyone to have the ability to bone down on their fridge or their shower or the wall of their cubicle. I want to see pornography centered around the Maestro. I want to see beautiful butch women pegging their partners with this cock and to see blowjob videos featuring this gorgeous piece of silicone. I love this toy and I wish to see it proliferate. It’s a RAVISHINGLY pleasurable toy, and everyone with a desire for penetration, hands-free or otherwise, deserves it.

Uberrime sent me this toy free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thank you Uberrime!

Reviews

Tantus Vamp Grab Bag Review

Often when bloggers talk about silicone dildos, Tantus is in the same sentence. Tantus has been termed a pleasure pioneer, as it was one of the earliest companies to create entirely body safe dildos. Recently they had a sale, 40% off everything in the store, including their grab bags. Having long desired the Vamp, I could now justify getting it for myself since it was only $25 (and that’s with shipping) from the grab bag. I waited the week it took to get to me, wondering and worrying about my Vamp the whole time. But when the week was out and my Vamp finally arrived, I was delighted by what I received! Or at least I was initially.

The Vamp I received came in a shimmery purple with a slight hint of black in the mid shaft. If I had a strap on harness then I would wear this dildo for the sheer visual delight of seeing this cock swing between my legs. There’s no denying the Vamp is a looker. When I showed it to my friends I got several ‘ooohs’ and a couple of flustered remarks as I sent photos of the toy. Squeezing the toy in my hand, it definitely felt dense and meaty in my hand, though not as firm as some other toys I’ve gotten, such as the Ruse Jammy. I have reason to believe that I received, at least in part, the Super Soft density given that I could easily bend the toy in half. The regular firmness of Tantus silicone doesn’t permit such flexibility. While it lacks a curve or a prominent, jutting head, I thought the Vamp would perform admirably in my vagina.

VAMP GRAB BAG PRODUCT PHOTO
In a way, the Vamp did bite me.

Sadly it was not to be. The Vamp measures 7 inches in length and is 1.7 inches thick at the thickest point. This is a formidable toy that deserves respect. These dimensions had me drooling, as I love a good stretch. But something about the design just truly didn’t agree with me. The sulcus, the little dip of the retracted foreskin provided to be particularly painful. Something about it made me feel pinched and uncomfortable as I thrust the toy.

But more than the sulcus, the Vamp made my vagina feel oddly claustrophobic. I’ve taken the Jammy, a toy 2 inches thick and not felt that kind of claustrophobia. It was as though my vagina were gagging on the toy. At that point in the testing, I wished dearly that my vagina had the capability to spit so that I could expel the toy with the proper amount of derision. Using the Vamp became distasteful as I tried over and over again to make the toy pleasurable. As of now, the Vamp and I are taking a break. Perhaps at some point later in my life I’ll return to the Vamp and we’ll be a better fit, but until now, I’ve got better things to put in my cunt.

I purchased this toy with my own funds, I just wanted to tell you all about it. 

Reviews

Elements 1, 2 and 3 Review

Florida is a complicated place. On the one hand, it has beautiful beaches, warm weather, and Disney Land. And on the other hand it’s a giant dick-shaped swamp, prone to hurricanes, and with mosquitoes as big as your thumb trying to drain you like you’re a human Capri Sun. But in this controversial state, there exists a company creatively making the world of sex toys a better and more colorful place. Enter Uberrime, a new sex toy company that makes designs that are both daring and beautiful, such as the much lauded Night King and his more realistic Gentlemen series. I admired Uberrime’s toys for a long time, crying out joyfully every time a new pour was announced on the company Twitter and sighing fancifully at the new designs which appeared in the shop. So I was absolutely delighted one day when Marco, the man behind the magic at Uberrime, asked me if I would review his new line of toys, The Elements. I couldn’t say yes fast enough. And let me tell you, I am very glad I welcomed this gorgeously marbled silicone into my life. They’ve made masturbation so much better in a multitude of ways.

THE ELEMENTS PRODUCT PHOTO 101618
From left to right: Element 1, Element 2 and Element 3 in stunning two color marbling.

The Elements are Uberrime’s answer to the call for smaller, more economical silicone dildos. The toys Uberrime is known for making tend to run large, delighting the size royalty among us but which is somewhat unattainable for those among us who prefer something a little more modest. And so, the Elements were born to the RIOTOUS joy of the sex toy and blogger community. All of them are $29 in the single color option, designed with every body’s pleasure in mind. Poured at shore hardness 10, these toys fall into the slightly squishy but still decently firm category, a good density that makes itself known but doesn’t jab your insides. With simple yet anatomy focused designs, Uberrime makes dildos with every body in mind. Hooray for dildos for all of us!

But enough of the fanfare and starry eyed declarations: you want to know how they really feel.

ELEMENT 1 PHOTO 101618
The Element 1 in yellow and red marbling.

The first up is, naturally, the Element #1, which came to me in a gorgeous red and yellow marbling. The Element #1 is a long and narrow dildo that I was originally unimpressed with. My first impression of it was that it was entirely underwhelming in my vagina and I was very near to writing it off as a wash. But as I continued to use it, I began to understand why the narrowness and length were to be appreciated. This, folks, is one of the most perfect dildos possible for those of us warming up or beginning to explore. It’s been extremely useful when on days when my vagina just isn’t the ALL GIRTH ALL THE TIME size queen I like to think it is. The Element #1 provides a gentle introduction to penetration that I deeply appreciate both in my vaginal and in my anal sessions as it’s narrowness makes for a good easing into. Using the Element #1 anally is an excellent way to warm up more reticent butts after you’ve warmed up with a finger or two and I found I preferred it to get ready for girthier toys. It’s also long enough that I’m considering using it for A-spot exploration. So far no luck, but this dildo is gentle enough that I can use it for exploration as much as I want.

ELEMENT 2 PHOTO 101618
The Element 2 in purple and black marbling

The Element #2 is not as pleasurable as I had hoped, sadly. Dammit Marco, I thought for sure that it would be my favorite. Visually speaking it’s the most delightful to look at with that prominent bulbous head and stunning black and purple marbling. But those ridges are just don’t do anything for my vagina for whatever reason. The popping sensation can occasionally be uncomfortable for me as it goes past my pubic bone. At best, my vagina ignores the sensations of those ridges popping past my pubic bone. At worst, the ridges can cause discomfort at my vaginal opening. The reason for the discomfort is mystifying, as the girth is certainly nothing even close to the maximum girth I can take. Once the Element #2 pops past my pubic bone, it does feel pleasurable inside of me. Those ridges which were so dramatic at my vaginal entrance are so much less aggressive once inside and I can have a pleasant session until removal, upon which the popping sensation occurs again. While I greatly appreciate the aesthetic of the dildo, it hasn’t been my body’s first choice.

ELEMENT 3 PHOTO 101618
The Element 3 in red and pink marbling

My Element #3 is a pretty red and pink dildo that surprised the hell out of me. I hadn’t expected the Element #3 to be particularly laudable, but I find that it outshines its siblings and is far and away my favorite for daily masturbation. The girthier, stouter model gives me a nice amount of silicone for my vagina to squeeze around without any chance for it to bother my cervix. This simple but brilliantly effective design is what makes it a star. The gentle curve and bulbed head provide a nice massage for my insides and is perfect for when I want something that feels good and won’t bother my vagina or cervix on my more sensitive days. Ergo, this is a fantastic toy for when I’m menstruating. The Element #3 is perfect for both quickie masturbation sessions and for warming me up for a more involved session with larger toys. The Element #3’s excellent dimensions and thoughtful design made the testing of larger toys a damn sight easier since I could ease into girth rather than jump head first into it. Fun fact, this toy made testing the Lust Burster from my earlier review far more comfortable. The particular blend and hardness of this silicone make this a fun toy to thrust, and the smoothness of the dildo means it’s best appreciated by swiftly thrusting it in out of myself. In all, my favorite dildo of the bunch.

Like my other reviews of silicone toys, these are very easy to clean. Spritz ’em with bleach, boil ’em or scrub ’em in the sink if you’re not passing them between orifices (never go anal to vaginal without sanitizing). There aren’t any crevices in these designs to worry about, so cleaning should be fairly easy.

In all, I must confess myself a great fan of the Elements. 2 out of 3 I find exceedingly useful and pleasurable, with the #2 still a viable option for those who know they can handle intense ridges. The density, colors, and smart, thoughtful design make these all excellent toys in their own right. They don’t try to pull any stunts, but exist in that delightful simplicity that is both body and wallet friendly. Beginners and advanced masturbators will appreciate these toys as they have something to offer everyone regardless of experience or anatomy. I cannot recommend the Elements more heartily and I look forward to seeing what Uberrime does next.

The Elements were provided to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks Uberrime, keep on rockin’.

Uncategorized

Visions of The Future 10/13

Currently I’m away visiting my family, so my review work is being put on hold. But I’ve been wanting to update you with what you can expect from my blog the rest of October! There’s going to be some very varied content!

This is a plug I received from the absolutely DARLING Peepshow Toys. It features a beaded design that I have quite a few thoughts about. That’ll be this October.

This is my first dual density dildo that I ever purchased. It’s long, straightish and has the strongest suction cup of all my toys.

I started lusting after an acrylic paddle after Girly Juice raved about hers. While her particular paddle isn’t available anymore, Ethos Leather makes an absolutely GORGEOUS paddle that I purchased for myself and I’m excited to review.

  • Kinktober Erotica

I’ve been keeping up with Kinktober in my journal and I’ve written some pretty raunchy pieces. After running a poll on Twitter, apparently some of you are interested in seeing what gets my motor revved. So expect to see a few of those!

  • A Horror Move Playlist

The product of Lust Arts and yours truly coming up with a quintessential Halloween watching experience! GOTTA LOVE A DILDO MAKER WHO KNOWS THEIR FILMS.

  • Pretty in Pink, Better in Butch

A personal piece dealing with how I experience femininity and my constant conflict with it.

Marco is a VISIONARY ARTIST and a damned good dongmonger. These were a delight to receive and I’m pretty excited to share about em!

Hopefully I’ll surprise myself with even more posts, but these are my plans as of now! Happy haunting y’all.

Reviews

The Lust Burster Review

CN: Fake blood in one image

Bless Lust Arts, those wonderfully quirky dildo makers. Not only are their designs perfect for this spook filled month, they were kind enough to send me their Lust Burster after I approached them about how PERFECT it would be to feature a horror themed dildo on my blog this month.

Just before we got into October, Lust Arts sent me their Lust Burster design in their Soft 0050 shore silicone and in their Moaner size. This dildo is a chunkier one, at about 2.2 inches thick at the widest point, but is a pleasant 6 inches long, so it doesn’t unnecessarily bother my cervix when I insert it. The silicone is addictively squishy to the touch, and were I not so enamored of how it feels in my vagina, I bet it’d be a fabulous stress ball. The design itself is glorious, and exactly calls to mind the chest bursting scene in the original Alien film. Fun fact, the reason I watched Alien was because I was going to be reviewing this dildo. Sex toys can expand your horizons in more than one way don’tchaknow.

LUST BURSTER PHOTO 100618
My Lust Burster and its ADORABLE charm self

When I last reviewed a toy from Lust Arts, I was introduced to texture in a big way. Compared to the Mermaid, the Lust Burster is a much gentler dildo, feeling almost tame compared to the very intense sensations that the Mermaid elicits. This amuses me, as I find the monstrous Xenomorph inspired sculpt to be gentler than a sensual Mermaid one, but I suppose dildos are just like that. Sometimes, a monster’s tender touch is just what your vagina needs. However, the Lust Burster is even bulkier than the Mermaid, and requires me to use smaller warm up dildos in order to best enjoy the Lust Burster. The few times I tried to insert the toy without warmup, I winced. But thanks to warm up dildos, I can enjoy using the Lust Burster as a finale dildo. Once I do get it inside me, the Lust Burster feels oddly organic, the soft density and gentle texture giving it a novel, fleshy feeling that I haven’t felt with any other sculpt. Even semi-realistic soft dildos like the Real Nude Rollo or the TruSkyn Curve don’t feel this fleshy.

If the Mermaid is an aggressive massage, then the Lust Burster is a sensual stroking of my vaginal walls that I can’t get enough of. The Moaner size is filling, stretching me nicely at my vaginal opening, and the texture is just noticeable enough without being overwhelming. Also, the texture isn’t so overwhelming that it ever irritates my vaginal opening, the way the Mermaid sometimes can. The size and texture encourages thrusting, something I’ve only just started enjoying doing with my dildos. Thrusting the Lust Burster feels excellent, and actually made me understand why reviewers enjoy thrusting so much. Hey everyone, I finally get it. Thank the Lust Burster for bringing me as its plus one to the ‘people who actually thrust their dildos’ party. I’m so glad to meet all of you. Jokes aside, the Lust Burster has expanded my masturbation repertoire and I’m psyched I got to add this toy to my toybox.

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The Lust Burster’s signature colors. Kinda into the bloody one honestly.

If you’re new to texture and a horror fan, then this a dildo I would highly recommend. This is an incredibly unique and, in my opinion, beautiful dildo. It even comes in a bloody version for the most hard core of horror fans. When I’m not in the mood for a rough ride but want more texture than say, the Pure Wand, the Lust Burster has got my back.

The Lust Burster was provided to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks so much Lust Arts!

Advice

Warming Up: Part Two on Foreplay

So now we come to the second part of my Warming Up series. I’ve already discussed what foreplay is, or what my personal definition of it is, this post is meant as sort of a rough guideline of possible foreplay activities. Most of this has been drawn from my own personal experience so  your mileage may vary. This isn’t meant as an instructional guide on foreplay, merely offering my methods to see if you find anything you might want as an addition to your warm up repertoire.

In warming up for vaginal penetration

In warming up for vaginal penetration, there are a couple of things I’ll do differently depending on whether I’m preparing for PiV sex or if I’m planning on penetrating myself with a dildo. With a partner, I enjoy giving and receiving oral to get ourselves physically and mentally ready. Personally speaking, giving my partner a blowjob before sex makes me feel incredibly sensual and sometimes gets me aroused enough for penetration all on its own. Being able to control the experience my partner receives isn’t something I get to feel when I get fucked, so I relish the control I have for the time being.

Because my partner values reciprocity, he’s often not the only one getting oral. In fact, even with the difference in our sizes, we’ve actually pulled off the 69 position to great success. Getting oral is a fantastic act in its own right, and for some people it may be the whole sexual encounter , but I often find it to be an amazing warm up for PiV with my wonderful partner. When receiving oral, I prefer to also be fingered at the same time. The internal stimulation and getting used to being penetrated makes it so I can enjoy feeling stretched by my partner without feeling claustrophobic from his dick. I know it seems strange that my vagina with size queen tendencies can feel claustrophobic from anything, but it remains the case. If I don’t warm up to penetration and I’m not turned on enough, it’ll hurt.

If I’m warming up for a solo session, I’ll often start off with a vibrator. I’ve got a few that have been featured so far, namely the much loved Turbo Glider and Mystic Wand. Warming up my clit turns me on and gets me ready for a dildo. Now, I should use a smaller dildo in preparation for my larger ones, but most times? I just go straight for it and endure a little discomfort as my body gets used to it. In this respect, I would ask my readers to please use smaller dildos to warm up first rather than just plunging in. Your orifices will thank you.

The last crucial piece for warming up is: LUBE. I cannot stress enough how essential a good lube has been for my sex and masturbation life. Good Clean Love’s original formula was my go to until I noticed I started having some irritation, so I discontinued use. Thankfully, Good Clean Love has graciously offered to send me their BioNude formula, which I’m very grateful for. In the meantime, I ordered both the Butters and Sliquid from Peepshow, which preliminary testing is showing some very good results! Of course, I’ll fill you in more on a later post with regards to how these lubes feel.

In warming up for anal play

So a quick disclaimer: I’ve not had penetrative anal sex yet. Well, I’ve had an entire 8 inch dick in my ass, but after insertion (we didn’t use lube) it got pretty uncomfortable so he pulled out and we moved on to something else. So most of my experience with anal has been using toys or getting my ass fingered. Regardless, here’s how I warm up.

Usually I start with lots of lube and gentle digital penetration, because my butt is a delicate flower. The few times I’ve been impatient, I’ve wound up bleeding slightly and had to take a long break from anal play of any kind. So if I’m doing anything with my butt, I make some time to read some erotica, stimulate my clit, and slowly ease into anal. Making sure my clit is involved ensures that I’m turned on enough and still feeling pleasure while I’m easing into anal.

I’ve also done an enema in preparation for anal, though I later wasn’t able to actually follow through on that desire. I’ve done an enema using a bulb, and while I did feel cleaner, I felt oddly dehydrated and headachey afterward. This bad feeling nipped any chance of sex in the bud, so my partner and I ended up just snuggling while I recovered. So if you’re planning on doing an enema, I’d recommend: 1. Doing several rinses. 2. Making sure you’ve got access to a bathroom you can hog for about an hour. 3. Drinking plenty of water in the event you feel like me after. Also, while an enema once in a while is fine, too many too close together can really upset your gut flora! So be mindful and take care of your body.

Last words

You know your body best and know where your limits are. The things I’ve described above may work for you, and they may not. I encourage you to experiment with several activities and to take your time in getting your body ready. In a lot of ways, warming up for sex is like warming up for any other athletic event. Take your time to get your mind and body ready so that you can enjoy whatever encounter you decide to participate in!