The NoFrillDo project was born last year, approximately at the end of November if I’m reading the Indiegogo page correctly. The idea behind it? That body-safe pleasure didn’t have to have a high price tag. The NoFrillDo project came to fruition, cheered on by the sex positive community and gave birth to three designs: The R, The G, and The B. With Funkit’s simple but effective designs and affordable pricing, the world of sexual pleasure became more accessible to those among us who are ballin’ on a budget. So it can be no surprise that the world of the sex positive eagerly awaited the newest installment of the NoFrillDo project. This year, Funkit launched the continuation of the project, bringing in the NoFrillDos X and L, much thicker and longer toys than their comparatively modest siblings. The size captain in me was ecstatic when Kenton decided to send me the delightfully thick NoFrillDo X and I couldn’t wait to put it to the test!
So did this affordable silicone cutie live up to the hype? Did it rock my world and charm my cunt? Well…sort of. The NoFrillDo X is exactly what it seems to be. Kenton was serious about this being a no frills toy. The X doesn’t make an attempt at changing your sexual landscape. If you buy this hoping for revolutionary G-spot pleasure or for new sensations, you’ll find yourself disappointed. But for a budget conscious member of size royalty? This is a fantastic toy to get.
The chunky NoFrillDo X in its eye searing, magenta glory.
The NoFrillDo X is a meaty one. At 7 inches insertable and 1.9 inches in diameter cast in shore 20 silicone, this isn’t for someone who is in anyway uncertain about girth. My particular NoFrillDo came in Magenta. Now normally I would never pick this color myself, but it’s hard to hold it against the toy given the bright, cheeriness of the color. Its dimensions are similar to the Jammy, a similarly affordable dildo in a more realistic cast.
The base also deserves some discussion. It’s slanted. Or rather, the base of the toy is still flat, but the base appears askew. It’s like this on all of the toys, so you can rest assured it’s not a defect, but I do wonder about the reasoning behind it. I’ll admit, the unevenness of the base does give me some concerns; there are some Funkit toys that also have some narrow flares that Kenton believes are best served by attaching to another toy to use as a handle. While I don’t think there should be any issue for anal play, I do recommend playing special attention because of the slanted base. Also for harness use, I don’t think this base would be ideal. But for vaginal use? POUND AWAY.
So what to say about the NoFrillDo X in use? Well, it generally feels like a thick, ribbed insertable object. There’s no forgiving squish with the X, it opens you right up. If I’m not peak aroused, then the ribs frankly aggravate my vagina, much in the way that I expected it would; a combination of firmness and ridge prominence makes for an uncomfortable sensation should I try to just stuff myself. It’s the vaginal equivalent of hitting potholes over and over again when driving down the highway, a jarring and uncomfortable experience.
But when I’m aroused? I take the rippling texture of the X just fine. The bumps make themselves known very pleasurably and are pretty stimulating whether I pound away quickly or take my time with long slow strokes. It feels FUCKING GOOD is what I’m saying. There’s no G-spot curve, the toy seems to rely upon the ribbed texture and thickness to create a pleasing pressure, which while it works, it does make me a little wistful. Ah, to have a curve. Even a little one. I use the X for that full feeling that I can’t get from more slender dildos. The X is pretty simple and effective at filling me up and making itself known.
I also use the X after I’ve warmed up and as a warm up of its own. It’s a great warm up toy for the Jammy, The Lust Arts Frank’s Monster, and my own fist. Yes, using the X (in a round about way) allowed me to get warmed up enough that I could fit my whole hand inside my vagina! So while the X can’t exactly take credit for that, it does get an award for being a good assist.
In all, this dildo largely accomplishes what it sets out to do. It’s thick, it fills you up, and it won’t hurt your wallet too much in accomplishing this. For intermediate size royalty members and those of us who love them, this is a good toy to get without breaking the bank. For those looking for more refined dildos with a more ambitious goal than just being filled up? Save your pennies and look elsewhere.
Funkit Toys provided this toy to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks Funkit Toys!
I must confess, I am becoming a size queen. While I can still love and adore smaller toys, big toys make my eyes light with avarice. But inevitably, my enthusiasm is squashed once I see the price tag. A dejected whine escapes my throat as I consider the cost against my vaginal delight, and eventually I turn away from the toy, removing it from my cart with a sigh. And so I have been on a quest, looking for HUGE DILDOS for a modest price. And I tell you, I have succeeded! I personally own two of these and can vouch for their quality!
The Blush Novelties Elvira: I won this toy from a giveaway and I ADORE this girthy little sweetheart. 2 inches thick at the thickest, and with a stubby 5.5 inches in length, this toy is amazing. At $24, this toy is a baby size queen’s best friend. Bonus, it also has a suction cup!
The Blush Novelties Ruse Jammy: I bought this myself when I saw how GOD DAMN CHEAP it was! At $33, you get a massive toy for very little! I’m talking 2 inches thick with 7.5 inches insertable. This is a CHUNKY toy. For those of us who lusted after Vixen Creations Randy but couldn’t cough up the cash for it, this is for you. It’s got a damned good suction cup (trust me, I’ve tried it) and it has incredibly realistic detail if you’re into that kind of thing. If you really wanna follow in my footsteps, also pick up the Blush Exposed Nocturnal! It’s on sale at Peepshow now and it’s damned good.
The Dorcel SO Phospho Glow: This toy looks like a silicone version of the NJoy Eleven. However, it’s $33, glows in the dark and is honestly a dream come true. With two ends, a thin end at 1.3″ and a thick end at 1.9″, this toy is versatile AND filling!
The Blush Novelties Sumo: Another Blush toy?? Yes! This company is really coming through for size queens with small budgets. This toy is a soft, dual density silicone with a thick, semi realistic look to it. It’s a chunky 2 inches thick and 6.8 inches insertable. It comes in Indigo and Violet, has a suction cup, and the best part? With the Black Friday 2018 deals, you can get this sucker for $15!
Armed with this new knowledge, go forth and get you some girthy silicone to squeeze around! Your holes and your wallet will love you.
As I’ve mentioned previously on this blog, I am not an anal aficionado. More like an anal amateur than anything else. I BELONG IN THE ANAL MINOR LEAGUES, I’M NOT READY TO GO PRO. Don’t get me wrong, I’m always eager to try out things for my butt, but it’s not often that I find myself hankering for an anal only adventure. Well, that was until Lust Arts graced me once again with one of their toys. This month, Lust Arts sent me their Unicorn Horn for review and they’ve made for one of my first dildo reviews where I’ve only used the toy anally!
The shimmery black Lust Arts Unicorn Horn looking suitably goth.
I’m not a girl who went crazy over unicorns. To be honest, I was one of the girls in middle school who constantly made dragon characters and some day, I’ll have a dragon dildo to reflect that. However, that doesn’t impede my love for the visuals of this toy. The Lust Arts Unicorn Horn is a gently spiraling toy, starting thin at the tip and widening as you continue down the shaft. Mine came in a solid shimmery black, which I think is fantastic. My aesthetic could roughly be defined as a mixture between: Varsity Jock, Punk, and Slut. And damn if this shimmery black unicorn horn doesn’t suit me exactly. At about 6.5″ long and 1.75″ at the thickest in the Moaner size, the Unicorn Horn isn’t exactly petite, but because the thickness is variable, I’d consider this to be somewhere between a beginner and intermediate dildo. Mine also came in the Medium firmness, or shore 10, which is quite flexible, but stiff enough to feel a little more dense.
That density is very important to me. Because floppy toys are notoriously hard to put in for anal play. But thankfully, the Unicorn Horn was very simple to ease into my backside. And oh when it did…the spiraling texture felt hypnotically pleasurable. As the girth increased and slowly opened up my ass, I felt soft moans tumble from my lips. The softness of the silicone made it a gentle, but pleasurable experience. Taking the Unicorn Horn in my behind made me realize that anal play isn’t always a session where you have to work hard to enjoy something in your ass. The Unicorn Horn must have some magic on it, because I used with ease and comfort that I haven’t with any other toy except perhaps the Pure Plug. I didn’t feel obligated to take it in my ass to review it properly; I want to feel the dildo slowly and orgasmically open me up. My butt was being blessed by Lust Art’s very thoughtful take on a Unicorn Horn dildo.
But the best session was when I used the Unicorn’s suction cup solo. I had stuck the Unicorn Horn to my headboard, dripped lube onto it and slowly backed my butt up onto the dildo. It took only the most minimal of finagling to get the Horn to go into my ass, after which I sighed in contentment. I rocked my hips back and forth, feeling the Horn stroke my ass gently but insistently. In my head, I pictured a gentle dominant easing the Horn in and out of my butt, whispering filthy words of encouragement as I took the toy deeper and deeper. When I came, I saw stars before my eyes. Then I gracelessly slumped to the bed, and the toy slipped out of my butt with the sound than canned cranberry sauce makes when you shake it wobbling from the can. I was a boneless heap of satisfaction, my face adorned with the idiot grin of all masturbators who have just achieved a massive orgasm.
I have little to compare the Horn to, save the Ripple I purchased in the summer of this year. The Ripple is a toy that makes me want to say it is formidable. Like anal beads and a dildo combined together, I had thought it would be the perfect anal toy. And it was fairly pleasurable. The beads were thought out, the silicone firm and the toy easy enough to maneuver. But it pales in comparison to the pleasure I’ve experienced with the Unicorn Horn. The Unicorn Horn allows for more minute gradations in girth and provides a gentle texture for anal interest, allowing for a more gradual opening up of the ass or other orifice. The slightly softer density is also more forgiving to anal amateurs. If you’re still in the minor leagues for anal play, I’d recommend the Unicorn Horn.
Lust Arts, you make wonderful, fantastical toys. And this time, you’ve done it again with your Unicorn Horn. For people interested in snagging one of these beautiful toys themselves, considering using one of my affiliate links to get access to the Lust Arts 2018 Black Friday Sale! There’s going to be fun extras like a Charm Set and you’ll get the toys at a lower price if you use my affiliate codes! Use code ROCKET to get 15% off pre-made toys, UNIROCKET to get a free Black Friday Teaser Unicorn Horn with a purchase over $20 (if you’re in the first 25) and MINIROCKET to get a free set of Black Friday charms with any purchase over $20!
Lust Arts sent me this toy for no charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks Lust Arts!
In a sense, the Maestro is the first of its kind. It’s the first true suction cup dildo Marco has made; because even though the base of many toys was sticky, Uberrime’s toys did not have true suction cups. Another fun fact about this toy is: I was asked to name it! Yes, I was approached by Uberrime to name the Maestro, possibly because I’m such a loud mouth on Twitter. My choice of the Maestro was approved and later I was approached to review the toy itself. And I gotta say, I’m HONORED. But more than that, I’m delighted to have the Maestro in my vagina. It’s a toy that’s like a good historical fiction film: it has drama, subtlety, and a damned good suction cup. Well, okay, maybe films don’t have that last part. But we can all agree that they SHOULD.
The first thing that I want to mention about the Maestro is the silicone. Not only is it a beautiful color and finish, but the density! The density of the silicone is something that really sets this toy up for greatness in my opinion. Every time I hold the Maestro in my hand I’m struck by how MEATY this toy feels. Of all my current dildos, the Maestro is the one that feels the closest to a fully aroused penis in my opinion. Fully aroused cocks are hard; they might have a little give, but at 100% boner, they’re just not exactly very squishy. At shore 10, this silicone feels damned close to the feeling of a guy so aroused he could bend steel with his cock. Also, the dimensions of the Maestro are quite life like! At about 6.5 inches insertable and 1.67 inches in girth, it mimics an average penis dimensions nicely. Essentially, it feels just like a boner without committing too hard to looking realistic. For people looking for a nice firm fuck, this is where it’s at.
The Maestro Suction Cup dildo in all it’s blue and gold glory. Like a baroque painting in silicone.
When I first approached the Maestro, I’ll admit there was some trepidation regarding the prominent coronal ridges. In my previous review, the Element #2 also featured a pair of such ridges that caused discomfort, no matter my arousal level. So you’ll forgive me for approaching the dildo the same way a person tentatively approaches what may or may not be a king snake. By that I mean, I approached with caution, not that I was frantically trying to remember an extremely specific rhyme about snake coloration. But somehow, in spite of the fact that the Maestro is in fact more dramatic, I actually enjoy it. The popping feeling is minimal, and I love how the ridge pushes so insistently against my G spot. When I thrust, it drags against my insides and the density gives my vagina something wonderful to clench around. Compared to another semi-realistic toy, such as The Vamp, the Maestro fairs far better in my vagina. Possibly because of the friendlier dimensions, but more likely because the design is more agreeable to my vagina.
Now how about that suction cup? Did Marco manage to pull it off? Well I’m delighted to announce: OH HELL YES. That is a suction cup that grips walls like a barnacle grips the outside of a ship. It clings with the same loving fidelity that a spandex suit clings to a superhero’s ass-crack. The Maestro was strong enough to be an auxiliary handle for my fridge and survived my furious slapping of the dildo. Yes, I slapped the dildo like a cat toy. What can I say? Sometimes you need a little stress relief and slapping a silicone dick is so satisfying that you do it between bouts of studying.
I’ve stuck the Maestro to my fridge, to my shower wall, to my head board and to my textured and painted wall. It’s stuck to all of them! The only things it hasn’t stuck to include: the cats, my partner’s forehead and my book bag. If the surface is smooth(ish) and flat, the Maestro will grip it like it like lover who never wants to let it go. The Maestro also gave me a new experience: my first hands-free dildo experience! I used the Maestro in conjunction with the Lust Arts Unicorn Horn and both suction cups were rock solid and gave me my first DP experience! It was a hot session, LET ME TELL YOU. While I was pretty tentative in my ride, I have no doubt that the suction cup would stand up to even more advanced users who were more active in their escapades.
So what else can I say about this dildo? I can tell you the Maestro comes in both one and two color pours, and all of them are beautiful. I can tell you it would be a delight to strap on with that length and prominent head. But mostly? I want to tell you to buy it. I want everyone to have the ability to bone down on their fridge or their shower or the wall of their cubicle. I want to see pornography centered around the Maestro. I want to see beautiful butch women pegging their partners with this cock and to see blowjob videos featuring this gorgeous piece of silicone. I love this toy and I wish to see it proliferate. It’s a RAVISHINGLY pleasurable toy, and everyone with a desire for penetration, hands-free or otherwise, deserves it.
Uberrime sent me this toy free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thank you Uberrime!
There is no way to say this in a way that doesn’t sound shameful. But I am an addict. To what you may ask? Well, it’s not to anything substance related. My weakness is for social media. The almost drug-like high feeling of seeing my followers retweet my work, the fun interactions, the browsing of media content, all of it is a rush for me. Heroin doesn’t hold a candle to the instant gratification of penning a tweet that gets likes. Seeing my blog do well gets me jazzed to the point of distraction. And I should be happy! But unfortunately, this gets in the way of the real crisis. As someone currently unemployed (having just quit my waitressing job), social media has been kneecapping my dreams.
By putting all my energy into my online presence, my real life situation has stagnated. I haven’t studied like I should for the tests I claim to want to take. My application for jobs lately is admittedly half-assed, wanting to just send in my resume without putting in the extra ten minutes to make it appealing to the actual employer. I can explain in part, that social media is something I’m good at and my deep fear of failure is crippling me. But of course, that just leaves the ugly solution staring me in the face. If not quitting cold turkey then at the very least highly structuring my online activity such that it doesn’t ever encroach upon my real life ambitions to such a degree ever again.
Social media is addictive to people like me. And when I say people like me, I mean people with executive dysfunction/ADD. A lot of bloggers struggle with mental illness, and I’m not any different. My struggle is one of self control, anxiety and maladaptive coping. I cope with my feelings of inadequacy and fear badly. Sometimes I get into funks where I don’t eat and don’t buy groceries because I feel stuck in my own brain. And the way I’ve been coping with this illness until now has been harmful to me and to the people who believe in me. And so something will have to change.
I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t painful to write this. As I think of it now, I’m ashamed to show anyone these words. It’s tempting to hide this post in a journal entry and forget about it. But I need to make a stand here and now to tell not just myself, but everyone that I’m going to discipline myself and recover. That I’m going to get my life on track and seriously pursue my ambitions and once again commit to putting in the hard work.
So what does this mean for this blog? Is this a fiery declaration of imminent shut down? Well no. I still believe this blog is important. It’s brought me into a wonderful world that I honestly believe has made me a better person. What it will mean is that I’ll be taking a much more structured and scheduled approach. I’ll be less active on my Twitter, being reachable there for just a portion of the day. I’ll set boundaries and deadlines and work on them in a way befitting of a professional. In short, this is not the end, merely a restructuring for the benefit of myself and others.
There is one note of brightness. I know I can do this. I have the most supportive friends and family I know. My partner loves me deeply and will help me get through this. I’m going to get better. For everyone who believes in me. My parents, my partner, and my friends all want me to succeed, and I haven’t been worthy of that support. Not yet anyway. But I will be working to be worthy of these people.
Often when bloggers talk about silicone dildos, Tantus is in the same sentence. Tantus has been termed a pleasure pioneer, as it was one of the earliest companies to create entirely body safe dildos. Recently they had a sale, 40% off everything in the store, including their grab bags. Having long desired the Vamp, I could now justify getting it for myself since it was only $25 (and that’s with shipping) from the grab bag. I waited the week it took to get to me, wondering and worrying about my Vamp the whole time. But when the week was out and my Vamp finally arrived, I was delighted by what I received! Or at least I was initially.
The Vamp I received came in a shimmery purple with a slight hint of black in the mid shaft. If I had a strap on harness then I would wear this dildo for the sheer visual delight of seeing this cock swing between my legs. There’s no denying the Vamp is a looker. When I showed it to my friends I got several ‘ooohs’ and a couple of flustered remarks as I sent photos of the toy. Squeezing the toy in my hand, it definitely felt dense and meaty in my hand, though not as firm as some other toys I’ve gotten, such as the Ruse Jammy. I have reason to believe that I received, at least in part, the Super Soft density given that I could easily bend the toy in half. The regular firmness of Tantus silicone doesn’t permit such flexibility. While it lacks a curve or a prominent, jutting head, I thought the Vamp would perform admirably in my vagina.
In a way, the Vamp did bite me.
Sadly it was not to be. The Vamp measures 7 inches in length and is 1.7 inches thick at the thickest point. This is a formidable toy that deserves respect. These dimensions had me drooling, as I love a good stretch. But something about the design just truly didn’t agree with me. The sulcus, the little dip of the retracted foreskin provided to be particularly painful. Something about it made me feel pinched and uncomfortable as I thrust the toy.
But more than the sulcus, the Vamp made my vagina feel oddly claustrophobic. I’ve taken the Jammy, a toy 2 inches thick and not felt that kind of claustrophobia. It was as though my vagina were gagging on the toy. At that point in the testing, I wished dearly that my vagina had the capability to spit so that I could expel the toy with the proper amount of derision. Using the Vamp became distasteful as I tried over and over again to make the toy pleasurable. As of now, the Vamp and I are taking a break. Perhaps at some point later in my life I’ll return to the Vamp and we’ll be a better fit, but until now, I’ve got better things to put in my cunt.
I purchased this toy with my own funds, I just wanted to tell you all about it.
If the Lush Hera G Spot Vibrator were a straight silicone dildo, this review would look different. I could talk about the fanciful design and fun color. I could talk about the appreciation I have for more established companies making playful designs. But this is overshadowed by one singular fact. That the Lush Hera is so weak that I can hear it more than I can feel it. And if you call yourself a vibrator, then you should probably be more perceptible on the skin than to the ears.
The first vibrator I was sent was slightly defective, and had I reviewed that one I probably would’ve been frothier since I literally couldn’t feel it. However, the people at Betty’s Toy Box were so perfectly wonderful to send me a replacement and this one was just perceptibly stronger. But sadly, that slight boost in strength didn’t amount to much because this vibrator is still tragically weak.
The Lush Hera G Spot Vibrator is a dark purple vibrator with a design akin to what I imagine would be a dragon cock in miniature. So perhaps a kobold cock? Perhaps. The silicone is soft and smooth, squishing just a little under a firm grip and betraying the rock hard vibrator guts. The Hera is modestly sized at 5.75 inches insertable and only 1.4 inches wide and runs on 2 AAA batteries. The toy is splash proof, body safe and unfortunately? I don’t like it.
The Lush Hera G Spot Vibrator is prettier than it feels.
Oh Hera. What have they done to you. You could’ve been a delightful, semi-fantasy dildo that I would’ve gleefully displayed to all three of my friends who can handle my enthusiasm with sex toys. But you were spirited away before they would let your true talents shine, and you were labeled a vibrator. And see, you weren’t meant to be one. That’s not where you excel. Asking you to vibrate is like asking Stephen King to write a nursery rhyme. He might of course, but that’s not his true talent. You don’t have the vibrations needed to wake up my clit, a veritable insomniac, let alone my narcoleptic G spot. So when I use you internally, I turn you off and use the Nocturnal actually. If The Nocturnal is the heavy metal scream of vibrators, you’re someone whispering from across the room. Forgive me for preferring your sibling.
Dramatic musing aside, I really can’t feel this vibrator on my clit, much less when it’s inserted. I lay the Hera on there, and after the initial ‘Oh there’s something vibrating on me’, it fades away. Internally, I’m left with a vague sense that there’s something going on in my vagina, but the texture during thrusting drowns out the feeling of the vibrations.
But even turned off and used as a dildo, the Hera falls short. The silicone gives a little squish, but those ridges covering rock hard vibrator guts make it abrasive, over textured, and uncomfortable to use. Not to mention that teeny weeny head doesn’t do anything for my G spot. This seems shocking given my love of the highly textured Lust Arts Mermaid, but the Mermaid also has a delightful squish to it. The Hera is as firm as any caricatured disciplinarian from the cartoons I used to watch and just as abrasive.
In all, I wish I had more positive things to say about this toy. This line has beautiful looks and playful designs, but I’m afraid the Hera fell flat for me. If you’re looking for a good vibrator, Betty’s Toy Box sells The Gaia Eco Vibrator, which has gotten high marks from fellow bloggers like Dangerous Lilly, or you can try the Exposed Nocturnal, which I love and fear in equal measure.
This toy was provided to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks Betty’s Toy Box!
I know I might not look it, but I am an anxious person. I worry constantly about my status as a non-employed person being supported and about several other existential worries. And yes, for a long while I worried about sex. But over the years, I’ve slowly learned ways to manage the nagging fears and worries in the sexual arena, and it’s made all the difference. This is intended to be a comprehensive guide to conquering all of your insecurities, but are some tips to get you started. And so without further ado: how to manage your anxiety and have better sex.
Get on a reliable birth control method. If you’ve got a vagina and ovaries, there’s a lot of fantastic options out there. Personally, I would advocate for the IUD if your insurance covers it and you can tolerate slightly more painful menstrual cramps that the procedure feels like. But if that’s not your style, other options include the pill, the ring, the implant, and the Depo-shot. If you’ve got a penis, sadly there are far fewer options for controlling your fertility. The best I can offer you is condoms unless you’d like to get a vasectomy.
Get an STI test. Most health clinics will offer one and most insurance covers it. This is basic sexual health and I understand that it may be incredibly nerve wracking to go into a clinic, but you shouldn’t encounter anything other than routine tests. They may take blood, do a vaginal swab, and may take a urine sample. It’s a little inconvenient, but having test results to look at will alleviate a lot of gnawing fears. And being tested in advance makes it easy to ask your partner or partners to get tested as well since you’ve gone ahead.
Have pregnancy tests on hand/emergency contraception on hand. If there’s a possibility you or your partners could get pregnant, having a test handily available will make it much easier for the pair of you to learn your results and then make decisions from there. Emergency contraception (the pill kind) is also extremely valuable, as having it handily available will kneecap a lot of pregnancy anxiety. It’s no substitute for regular birth control, but if your regular methods should fail, then this is vital. Plan B has a four year shelf life, so you don’t have to use it right away for it to be effective. It can be ordered online now, so make sure you’ve got something on hand before you have sex to prevent these sorts of fears.
Negotiate in advance what you want to do. This can be as simple as you like. But honestly telling your partner what you’re into and what acts are on or off the table is a good way to start.
These are the beginner tips. Once you’ve got these settled, here are a few more specific ones to make your sex life that much better:
Light the room. Having a softly lit room can do wonders for the ambience and will cast you in your best light. If you overhead light leaves something to be desired, consider some fairy lights or a standing lamp to cast your room in a warm glow.
Wear your good luck accessories. Not everyone has access to perfectly tailored lingerie or fetishwear. But a pair of bondage rope earrings? Rocking that accessory is not only cute but gives your partner a sorta subtle clue about what you’re into. If that seems too daring, pick anything that makes you feel sensual and beautiful.
Fish for a compliment or two. Listen, we all want to feel attractive and appreciated. While you shouldn’t pester your potential partner with questions about your own attractiveness, asking for a little feedback is normal and will boost your self esteem.
Journal about your worst fear. Once you’ve got your fear on the page, you can properly address it. Maybe you’ll see it’s something irrational, like your partner being a murderous serial killer. Or maybe it’s more rational, like you’re worried about a particular scar. Either way, now that you’ve got it on paper, you can address it and formulate a way to communicate it to your partner.
Take a deep breath and think about your best feature. If you’re plagued by anxiety with how your body looks, consider that this person likely wouldn’t have accepted your invitation to sleep with you if they didn’t find you attractive. And also? Mostly, people have what you expect under their clothes. There will be genitals, shaved or hairy or some stage in between. There will be cellulite, scars, freckles and birthmarks. They have all these things, just like you. And they probably don’t care about yours.
Exercise. Now I don’t mean in the lose weight sense. I mean in the ‘get your blood flowing and your endorphins going sense’. Exercise often makes people feel more positive and upbeat. Whatever this looks like for you is excellent. Maybe you go up and down some stairs or walk around the block a few times. Maybe you bust out a couple squats. Whatever it is, a little light exercise will help you feel more confident.
Know that you’re valuable and worthy even if the encounter isn’t magical. This one is hard. If something goes wrong, it’s very easy to get very down on yourself. Please don’t. Not being able to make someone come or having a a lackluster experience in bed is normal and not something you need to beat yourself about. If you listened to your partner, respected their boundaries, and had consensual sex then you did your best. Encounters can go wrong for all kinds of reasons, and some may not have anything to do with you.
As I said, this isn’t a comprehensive guide. But as someone who used to agonize over sex and what could happen, following these kinds of guidelines has helped me to have much more pleasurable encounters that don’t have anxiety buzzing in the back of my head. So go forth and have fun!
The Blush Novelties Exposed Nocturnal Lipstick Bullet Vibrator (from here on The Nocturnal) is not joking with you. It is not joshing or funning with you, and it is nowhere near the vicinity of goofing on you. Despite the soft shades of pink and purple, the Nocturnal contains a powerhouse ready and willing to forcibly buzz an orgasm out of you. The strength of this vibrator is commendable, and I would like to applaud Blush Novelties for making an affordable and strong vibrator. However, while I love the strength of the Nocturnal, my thoughts on it as a whole remain complicated.
I decided on purchasing the Nocturnal for two reasons. One was because I’d heard that it was as strong as the Tango. That of course caught my attention, because that kind of thing isn’t thrown around lightly. If you’re not aware, the Tango is one of the most revered vibrators possibly ever. It’s gotten consistently high praise from just about every sex toy reviewer who was lucky enough to be able to review it. The second reason was that the price of the Blush Novelties Jammy and The Nocturnal combined was approximately equivalent to the single density version of the Vixen Creations Randy. Yes, the Nocturnal retails for approximately $32, which is less than half of what the Tango costs. So for people on a budget, this is going to turn heads.
The Exposed Nocturnal Lipstick Bullet Vibrator in Dusty Rose
The Nocturnal is sort of big for what I imagine a bullet vibrator to be. It’s about 4 inches long, making it much bigger than the Screaming O Vooom which I have, and about as long as the Tango. Made of ABS plastic, the best material for conducting vibrations, the toy is smooth and nonporous, meaning it’s easy to sterilize with a little bleach if you want to share it between partners. Because the toy has mechanical parts, boiling is off the table, as well as tossing it in the dishwasher on a sanitize cycle. The Nocturnal is also rechargeable, with magnetic contacts rather than a jack. This I take some issue with as the magnetic contacts are weak and can cause some difficulty when trying to stick the charger to it. Still, it’s better than a jack, which can worry me irrationally when I see the toy being dunked in water.
The Nocturnal has five vibration speeds and five patterns. Given the strength of the motor in this toy, the patterns can be kind of pleasurable actually. The vibrations of the escalation pattern feel like my clit is being tapped, which, depending on how aroused I am, can be jarring or exquisitely pleasurable. Mostly though, I focused on the steady vibration settings. On the website, the product copy claims that the Nocturnal is waterproof, which I tested by dropping it in a sink full of water and other dildos I was warming up. The cold weather necessitates some pre-heating before masturbation you know. I watched the Nocturnal buzz away in there for several minutes, unaffected by the water surrounding it and spinning wildly on top of the dildos. I also pulled it out partially to look at the impressive water displacement, which was quite entertaining. While this test is entirely unscientific, I’m confident in validating the waterproof claim.
But enough beating around the bush. How does it feel? Well, as I mentioned earlier, this is definitely a strong toy. I’ve used the Nocturnal multiple times, nearly every masturbation session since I got it trying to synthesize my feelings in a concise way. But unfortunately, simplicity escapes me. The first time I tried the Nocturnal, it was borderline painful to put on my genitals. Now admittedly, I’d had several orgasms with a wand vibrator earlier so I was already over stimulated, and so laying something so aggressive on my clit was bound to feel weird and unpleasurable. So really, that one was on me. But it’s also worth noting that the Nocturnal is too powerful for me to use it as a warm up toy. Even the first intensity is too much for my clit when it’s just waking up. I need to use my hands for a few minutes before I’m sufficiently warmed up enough to want the Nocturnal.
Once I hit that sweet spot though, the Nocturnal is undeniably and ruthlessly pleasurable. This toy dominates my clit, makes me unable to control my expressions and forces moans out of me. The vibrations are on the buzzier size, but with an element of rumble that makes them still approachable despite that aggressive motor. The first setting alone can make me squirm and pant from the strength of the vibrations. Paired with a dildo, this toy makes me come hard all over whatever I’ve chosen to stuff my vagina with. Orgasms with the Nocturnal on my clit actually made me figure out where my G spot was. The strong clitoral orgasms caused my G spot to swell up, making penetration of almost any kind almost violently orgasmic. And so I became a devoted worshipper of the toy, using it faithfully during every dildo session that I had. I fell into a kind of love with this vibrator. It’s small, simple and effective. The buttons made sense. It never failed to get me off.
Well, sort of. I feel a little awkward mentioning this, but I did have one acutely unfortunate session with the toy that I feel I need to mention. One night as I was using the toy before bed, I felt a sharp pain in my vulva. I thought briefly that maybe I was just numbed out from the Nocturnal, but when I went to pee after masturbating, I felt a sharp pain and saw some blood on the toilet paper. After that, the sharp, stinging sensation persisted in my urethra all night, and there was blood every time I went to the bathroom. I thought I might’ve had an infection and made an appointment with an Urgent Care clinic to get a urine culture done, but by the morning, the pain had receded dramatically and there was no more blood. Given these circumstances, I concluded that some how I had cut my urethra. While I can’t say beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Nocturnal caused this, it seems to me the most logical conclusion given the timing of the event. So I’ve taken a brief respite from the Nocturnal for my vag to heal.
So overall, my relationship with this toy is still complicated. I’ve had glorious masturbation sessions with it, and found it made testing dildos enormously easier with the Nocturnal buzzing away on my clit and swelling my G spot. And I’ve had a sleepless, stinging, and slightly bloody night also because of the Nocturnal. How to synthesize these experiences? Is it still okay to recommend a toy that caused this kind of discomfort? Is it scaremongering to mention this probable fluke? I’m still not sure. However, what I am sure of is that having a nuanced opinion on a toy is not a bad thing. I can both love and recommend this toy while at the same time cautioning my readers to be mindful if they have more delicate genitals. So if you’re in the mood for a strong, affordable vibrator and take note of the fact that it really is strong, I recommend the Nocturnal.
I purchased this toy all on my own, I just wanted y’all to know my opinion.
Happy Halloween! Here’s hoping everyone has a sexy, spooky and safe night.
The Lust Burster appropriately bursting out of a candy bowl
So followers on Twitter know I’ve been keeping up with an event termed Kinktober more or less by journaling about it. Now, some of my journaling was honestly just exploring my thoughts or feelings on a specific prompt, but somewhere along the way I veered into writing erotica. And then my exhibitionist streak reared its head and I asked you guys if you’d like me to publish some of my WRITTEN FILTH. The response was, predictably, a resounding yes. So without further ado, I present some excerpts from my journal. None of these are particularly finished, though if there’s demand I may go and write further on these stories.
Kinktober Prompt: Pegging
The harness slides up her legs, the dildo jiggling slightly with the upward movement. It settles around her hips, the briefs style design looking attractive on her powerful hips. Her ass fills out the harness attractively, the years of collegiate athletics having sculpted her body into something both powerful and sexual. She looks sporty and dominant, her chosen cock proud and erect between her legs. He’d hardly expected to find the sight of her sporting a silicone hard-on so arousing, but he felt blood flow to his groin nonetheless.
“So how do I look?” she asks, her mouth curving into that peculiar smile she had. It was aggressive and playful at the same time. Her bright blue eyes were sharp and alive with mischief. It was clear she was enjoying the way he surveyed her body, since she ‘stretched’ to show off more of herself. Her sharp white canines flashed in her smile, and he thought he could glimpse the violent, but presently unvoiced desire in her.
He swallows, looking her up and down. “I think it suits you,” he says, his voice hitching slightly as he says it. Her grin widens. “Oh? Is that so?” she replies, her voice lilting, taunting him. “I do,” he replies, not choosing to volunteer any more. Conflicting desires war in his brain, the desire to fuck and her and the desire to be fucked by her. She pouts for a moment before pushing her silicone erection down for a moment, before letting it spring back. “And what do you think of the dick I picked out?” she asks, not letting him get away with such minimal feedback.
He regards the dildo, a smooth and slim affair with a proud arch. It doesn’t look too terribly realistic, more like the symbol of a cock rather than a realistic rendering of it. And the color, a bright glittery crimson also takes away from the realism. Had she picked a more realistic model, he thinks, he might be a little more put off. But this suits her, a bright glittery cock of modest proportions. She would usually pick something girthier for fucking herself, but it seems as though she selected the dildo for its aesthetic appeal rather than something she’d like to put in herself.
Bright red and sexy, the Sedeux Flare was something on my mind as I wrote this.
“I think it’s very you,” he says, hedging again. She rolls her eyes. “That’s nice,” she replies, a slight pitch in her tone indicating irritation. “But what do you think of it? Do you like it?” she asks, her tone more insistent this time. And with that his mind is filled all unbidden with the image of her tiny form on top of his. He can see her rubbing the tip of her lubed glittery cock against his ass, teasing him with the tip by pressing it ever so gently against his asshole. She’s smiling above him, going nice and slow, trying to get him ready to take it. He can imagine her slowly sliding her pretty cock to the hilt in his ass, and images of his athletic girlfriend rocking her hips and fucking him nice and slow are plastered on the inside of his eyelids. He feels a thrill go up his back and his cock swells again, betraying his arousal. He thinks she might not catch it, but her eyes lock onto his groin and that sharp, aggressive smile curves her lips again. “I think you might like it,” she says, putting a hand onto his swelling cock, gently rubbing her thumb over the head of it, the same way she does when she’s teasing him.
“I think you might want to take it for a test run,”
Kinktober Prompt: Voyeurism
There’s another person in the shower stall next to the one she wants to use, she notices, shedding her fluffy bathrobe and hanging on the shower hook. Her male companion simply unwraps the towel from his waist and hangs it on adjacent hook. He catches her staring at him and smirks. His gaze travels up her curves, and her cheeks redden from such unabashed attention. Her gaze flits around, fighting not to stare at his groin. She can feel arousal cause herself to get slick, with her arousal heightened by the fact that there’s someone else in the room. It isn’t obvious that they’ve noticed her and her companion there. At least, not yet.
She turns on the shower, standing just outside of it while she waits for the water to get warm. Her companion comes up behind her, grinding his cock against her ass and his arms coming around to roughly squeeze her breasts. He kneads them with strong hands, rolling them around and then squeezing and pinching at her nipples. When he twists her nipples harshly, the pleasure and pain of it break her composure and she groans. His soft laugh reaches her ears, and she only just stifles a sigh. “You’re such a tease,” she whispers, her voice just heard over the water. He bends to press his lips to her neck, a soft sucking kiss that transforms into a bite. The pleasure and pain of it is intense enough that a moan tumbles from her lips.
“Are we going to get in?” she asks, her voice breathy. He answers by grabbing her ass hard. “I don’t know, you seem to be enjoying yourself out here,” he replies, and he lets go to slip his hand between her legs and rub at her slick pussy. His fingers tease her entrance and it takes a concentrated will to force out these words: “But I think I’ll have more fun if you pin me to the wall and fuck me,” she replies, her words coming out as a moan. Her brazeness surprises the both of them and she can almost feel his body get hotter.
That little out burst of honesty and arousal seems to convince him and he lets go of her and follows her into the shower. She steps in, feeling the warm water run down her body in rivulets and she is acutely aware of being watched. She reaches back and gives her ass a light smack, and he rewards her with a low whistle. He doesn’t wait long to press his sculpted body against her softer one. He is made all of firm and angular lines, and she thinks, ever so briefly, that this must be what having sex with a Grecian marble statue would feel like. Strong hands haul her upwards and flip her around to face him and she hooks her legs around him. He slides inside her easily, filling her tight little body up with hot cock. The lines in his face change slightly and she breathes out a shaky moan as she gets used to the feeling of him inside her. He moves and presses her against the cool, tile wall of the shower, getting ready to pound into her hard and rough. She can hear sounds of movement coming from the shower adjacent to theirs.
“I think someone’s noticed us,” she breathes into his ear. She doesn’t so much see as feel his smile against her shoulder. His teeth meet the skin of her shoulder and he bites her again and she moans whorishly. When he releases her shoulder he replies, “So let’s put on a show for them then,”
Kinktober Prompt: Lingerie
“You know that outfit isn’t fair right?” he says, taking a look at me in my newest pieces. “You know I didn’t wear to be fair, right?” I respond, shifting and reveling in the silkiness of the fabric against my skin. “I wore it to see if I could make you cum in your pants.” My words come out as a taunt and he grins in response.
“Well it didn’t work. But it does make me want to fuck you,” he breathes, running his hands over my sides, stroking me and feeling my curves. I laugh, a particular three note laugh that he knows very well. He pauses for just a moment and looks at me. “Alright, what’ve you got planned?” he asks, his voice tinged with a little sadness. “Oh come on, you didn’t think it was going to be that easy, did you?” I ask, my lips curved into a smile. “Besides, I’m not going to ask you to do much,” I reassure him, gently pushing away his hands as I step back and pull something from a drawer in the bedroom. He frowns as he watches, clearly anticipating something truly devious. Well, he’ll be relieved to see what it is.
I pull out the filmy piece of fabric and he narrows his eyes when he looks it over. He takes it from my hands and runs his fingers over the lacy tops slowly, and then down the silky length of them, examining what it is I’ve gotten for him. “So,” he says, when he’s finally finished looking it over. “You want me to wear this?” His voice pitches up at the end, his eyes still narrowed but his mouth less of a frown. He’s rubbing the fabric between his fingers repetitively, almost meditatively. I hop up onto the bed, perching just so. “Well,” I start, looking at him from under my lashes. “I was hoping you’d fuck me while wearing them. You said if I could find anything in your size that you’d do it,” I respond, keeping my voice neutral. He snorts, but it’s got humor in it. I feel pretty hopeful. “You know,” he says, a small smile playing around his lips. “I didn’t think you’d actually do it. But you’re right,” he says, and I feel my smile widening to almost cartoonish proportions.
He strips off his underwear and his cock bounces, free of its restraint. I can feel my hyperactive libido kicking in and his smile turns into a smirk. He’s gotten my attention and he’s savoring it. He’s not fully hard yet, maybe about half way there and it’s taking all of my will power not to take his cock in my mouth. No, instead I wait, subtly grinding my pussy against the bed in anticipation. “What’s up?” he asks, his voice teasing. He noticed my fidgeting. “I just can’t wait to see you with those on,” I say. And it’s at least partly honest. I do want to see him wearing that, but almost equally intense is the desire to have him slide his dick into my slickening cunt. He sits on the bed and slides on the first thigh high stocking. It’s clear he’s never put them on before. “It’s easier if you roll them up first,” I say and he looks at me with his eyebrows quirked. “Like this,” I instruct, taking the other stocking from where he set it down and rolling it up. “Huh,” he responds, and then mimics my instructions, sliding on the stocking much more quickly. It hugs his thigh just right and we both look at it for a moment.
“It fits,” he says and I look at him sharply. It more than fits, it fits like a dream. But I don’t say anything. I instead watch him slide on the other stocking. I slip my hand down the front of my panties and start to circle my clit with my middle finger, unable to take this kind of teasing. The crotch of my panties gets wetter, a faint dark patch beginning to spread on the silky outside. “Someone’s impatient,” laughs my partner as he watches me finger myself. “Someone’s been pent up all day imagining what you’ll look like in that” I shoot back, pressing hard against my clit. The pressure is just what I want, and there’s a shiver in my voice. God, did I know he’d be so hot? His thighs framed perfectly by the black thigh high stockings, his cock now fully hard, the sight of him is going to drive me crazy. My breathing is a little more ragged. A bead of pre-cum glistens on the head of his cock, and I can feel my body temperature rising.
“Like the show?” I ask him, spreading my legs so he can get a better look at me fingering myself. His gaze is now locked on what my fingers are doing. Small wet noises are coming from my pussy and his grin fades, replaced by a hungry look. “I do,” he says as he hooks his fingers into the waistband of my panties. “But I need to be in there.” With that, he slips my panties off my legs and tosses them to the side.
He pushes me down onto my back, barely taking the time to line his cock up properly before stuffing me full. His dick slides in easily, my anticipation and heightened arousal making it easy for him. I whimper, he groans. He doesn’t wait long before picking up the pace, pumping into me with the ferocity of a man who’s patience has been run completely out. I grasp at his back, still careful not to scratch him. “Harder,” I gasp, and he obliges me. He slams himself into me over and over and I mewl under him. “You like being wrapped around my cock my little slut?” he growls in my ear. I can barely get out a breathy ‘yes’. I feel like I’m melting around him, he knows what calling me his slut does to me. “Fuck you feel tight,” he groans, and suddenly he pulls out. Confused, I start to ask him what he’s doing when he flips me onto my stomach and pulls me onto all fours. He smacks me sharply across the ass, a full open handed smack that makes me moan. I must’ve really excited him today. Then he grabs me by the hip with one hand and then guides his cock back into me with the other. “That’s better,” he says, and starts fucking me in that ferocious rhythm again.
He squeezes my hips hard before pressing down on my back so I’m face down on the bed. Oh fuck, I think, turning around to look at him. His face is screwed up in that determined way that he gets when he’s close. “I’m gonna cum,” he says, and moves his hand between my legs. His fingers find my clit and start to rub in a hard tight circle. “Oh fuck!” I gasp, and my pussy clenches around him, hard. “Cum inside me,” I beg, needing to feel his cum in me. His pace doesn’t slow, and neither do his fingers. Orgasm is thundering closer and closer, and it hits me all in an instant. I cum around his cock, my pussy flexing and squeezing sporadically around him. It’s just a few seconds later that he hilts me one last time, and I can feel his cock pulsing in me as he cums. He pants, holding still. He knows I want him to give me every last drop, so he stays still for a long time before slipping his softening dick out of me and then collapsing next to me on the bed. He pants softly, eyes closed and body glistening from the exertion. His arms pull me into him and we’re spooning now. Basking in the afterglow of a hard fuck.
“I love you,” I whisper to him. “I love you,” he whispers back, shifting ever so slightly so that he can snuggle me better. There’s a comfortable pause before, with a slight smile in my voice I say, “So the thigh highs were a good idea?”
Rocket Girl Writes 