review – Page 4 – Rocket Girl Writes

Backdoor Blessings: The Lust Arts Unicorn Horn Review

As I’ve mentioned previously on this blog, I am not an anal aficionado. More like an anal amateur than anything else. I BELONG IN THE ANAL MINOR LEAGUES, I’M NOT READY TO GO PRO. Don’t get me wrong, I’m always eager to try out things for my butt, but it’s not often that I find myself hankering for an anal only adventure. Well, that was until Lust Arts graced me once again with one of their toys. This month, Lust Arts sent me their Unicorn Horn for review and they’ve made for one of my first dildo reviews where I’ve only used the toy anally!

LUST ARTS UNICORN HORN PRODUCT PHOTO — The shimmery black Lust Arts Unicorn Horn looking suitably goth.

I’m not a girl who went crazy over unicorns. To be honest, I was one of the girls in middle school who constantly made dragon characters and some day, I’ll have a dragon dildo to reflect that. However, that doesn’t impede my love for the visuals of this toy. The Lust Arts Unicorn Horn is a gently spiraling toy, starting thin at the tip and widening as you continue down the shaft. Mine came in a solid shimmery black, which I think is fantastic. My aesthetic could roughly be defined as a mixture between: Varsity Jock, Punk, and Slut. And damn if this shimmery black unicorn horn doesn’t suit me exactly. At about 6.5″ long and 1.75″ at the thickest in the Moaner size, the Unicorn Horn isn’t exactly petite, but because the thickness is variable, I’d consider this to be somewhere between a beginner and intermediate dildo. Mine also came in the Medium firmness, or shore 10, which is quite flexible, but stiff enough to feel a little more dense.

That density is very important to me. Because floppy toys are notoriously hard to put in for anal play. But thankfully, the Unicorn Horn was very simple to ease into my backside. And oh when it did…the spiraling texture felt hypnotically pleasurable. As the girth increased and slowly opened up my ass, I felt soft moans tumble from my lips. The softness of the silicone made it a gentle, but pleasurable experience. Taking the Unicorn Horn in my behind made me realize that anal play isn’t always a session where you have to work hard to enjoy something in your ass. The Unicorn Horn must have some magic on it, because I used with ease and comfort that I haven’t with any other toy except perhaps the Pure Plug. I didn’t feel obligated to take it in my ass to review it properly; I want to feel the dildo slowly and orgasmically open me up. My butt was being blessed by Lust Art’s very thoughtful take on a Unicorn Horn dildo.

But the best session was when I used the Unicorn’s suction cup solo. I had stuck the Unicorn Horn to my headboard, dripped lube onto it and slowly backed my butt up onto the dildo. It took only the most minimal of finagling to get the Horn to go into my ass, after which I sighed in contentment. I rocked my hips back and forth, feeling the Horn stroke my ass gently but insistently. In my head, I pictured a gentle dominant easing the Horn in and out of my butt, whispering filthy words of encouragement as I took the toy deeper and deeper. When I came, I saw stars before my eyes. Then I gracelessly slumped to the bed, and the toy slipped out of my butt with the sound than canned cranberry sauce makes when you shake it wobbling from the can. I was a boneless heap of satisfaction, my face adorned with the idiot grin of all masturbators who have just achieved a massive orgasm.

I have little to compare the Horn to, save the Ripple I purchased in the summer of this year. The Ripple is a toy that makes me want to say it is formidable. Like anal beads and a dildo combined together, I had thought it would be the perfect anal toy. And it was fairly pleasurable. The beads were thought out, the silicone firm and the toy easy enough to maneuver. But it pales in comparison to the pleasure I’ve experienced with the Unicorn Horn. The Unicorn Horn allows for more minute gradations in girth and provides a gentle texture for anal interest, allowing for a more gradual opening up of the ass or other orifice. The slightly softer density is also more forgiving to anal amateurs. If you’re still in the minor leagues for anal play, I’d recommend the Unicorn Horn.

Lust Arts, you make wonderful, fantastical toys. And this time, you’ve done it again with your Unicorn Horn. For people interested in snagging one of these beautiful toys themselves, considering using one of my affiliate links to get access to the Lust Arts 2018 Black Friday Sale! There’s going to be fun extras like a Charm Set and you’ll get the toys at a lower price if you use my affiliate codes! Use code ROCKET to get 15% off pre-made toys, UNIROCKET to get a free Black Friday Teaser Unicorn Horn with a purchase over $20 (if you’re in the first 25) and MINIROCKET to get a free set of Black Friday charms with any purchase over $20!

Lust Arts sent me this toy for no charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks Lust Arts!

Reviews

The Maestro Review

In a sense, the Maestro is the first of its kind. It’s the first true suction cup dildo Marco has made; because even though the base of many toys was sticky, Uberrime’s toys did not have true suction cups. Another fun fact about this toy is: I was asked to name it! Yes, I was approached by Uberrime to name the Maestro, possibly because I’m such a loud mouth on Twitter. My choice of the Maestro was approved and later I was approached to review the toy itself. And I gotta say, I’m HONORED. But more than that, I’m delighted to have the Maestro in my vagina. It’s a toy that’s like a good historical fiction film: it has drama, subtlety, and a damned good suction cup. Well, okay, maybe films don’t have that last part. But we can all agree that they SHOULD.

The first thing that I want to mention about the Maestro is the silicone. Not only is it a beautiful color and finish, but the density! The density of the silicone is something that really sets this toy up for greatness in my opinion. Every time I hold the Maestro in my hand I’m struck by how MEATY this toy feels. Of all my current dildos, the Maestro is the one that feels the closest to a fully aroused penis in my opinion. Fully aroused cocks are hard; they might have a little give, but at 100% boner, they’re just not exactly very squishy. At shore 10, this silicone feels damned close to the feeling of a guy so aroused he could bend steel with his cock. Also, the dimensions of the Maestro are quite life like! At about 6.5 inches insertable and 1.67 inches in girth, it mimics an average penis dimensions nicely. Essentially, it feels just like a boner without committing too hard to looking realistic. For people looking for a nice firm fuck, this is where it’s at.

THE MAESTRO PRODUCT PHOTO — The Maestro Suction Cup dildo in all it’s blue and gold glory. Like a baroque painting in silicone.

When I first approached the Maestro, I’ll admit there was some trepidation regarding the prominent coronal ridges. In my previous review, the Element #2 also featured a pair of such ridges that caused discomfort, no matter my arousal level. So you’ll forgive me for approaching the dildo the same way a person tentatively approaches what may or may not be a king snake. By that I mean, I approached with caution, not that I was frantically trying to remember an extremely specific rhyme about snake coloration. But somehow, in spite of the fact that the Maestro is in fact more dramatic, I actually enjoy it. The popping feeling is minimal, and I love how the ridge pushes so insistently against my G spot. When I thrust, it drags against my insides and the density gives my vagina something wonderful to clench around. Compared to another semi-realistic toy, such as The Vamp, the Maestro fairs far better in my vagina. Possibly because of the friendlier dimensions, but more likely because the design is more agreeable to my vagina.

Now how about that suction cup? Did Marco manage to pull it off? Well I’m delighted to announce: OH HELL YES. That is a suction cup that grips walls like a barnacle grips the outside of a ship. It clings with the same loving fidelity that a spandex suit clings to a superhero’s ass-crack. The Maestro was strong enough to be an auxiliary handle for my fridge and survived my furious slapping of the dildo. Yes, I slapped the dildo like a cat toy. What can I say? Sometimes you need a little stress relief and slapping a silicone dick is so satisfying that you do it between bouts of studying.

I’ve stuck the Maestro to my fridge, to my shower wall, to my head board and to my textured and painted wall. It’s stuck to all of them! The only things it hasn’t stuck to include: the cats, my partner’s forehead and my book bag. If the surface is smooth(ish) and flat, the Maestro will grip it like it like lover who never wants to let it go. The Maestro also gave me a new experience: my first hands-free dildo experience! I used the Maestro in conjunction with the Lust Arts Unicorn Horn and both suction cups were rock solid and gave me my first DP experience! It was a hot session, LET ME TELL YOU. While I was pretty tentative in my ride, I have no doubt that the suction cup would stand up to even more advanced users who were more active in their escapades.

So what else can I say about this dildo? I can tell you the Maestro comes in both one and two color pours, and all of them are beautiful. I can tell you it would be a delight to strap on with that length and prominent head. But mostly? I want to tell you to buy it. I want everyone to have the ability to bone down on their fridge or their shower or the wall of their cubicle. I want to see pornography centered around the Maestro. I want to see beautiful butch women pegging their partners with this cock and to see blowjob videos featuring this gorgeous piece of silicone. I love this toy and I wish to see it proliferate. It’s a RAVISHINGLY pleasurable toy, and everyone with a desire for penetration, hands-free or otherwise, deserves it.

Uberrime sent me this toy free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thank you Uberrime!

Reviews

Tantus Vamp Grab Bag Review

Often when bloggers talk about silicone dildos, Tantus is in the same sentence. Tantus has been termed a pleasure pioneer, as it was one of the earliest companies to create entirely body safe dildos. Recently they had a sale, 40% off everything in the store, including their grab bags. Having long desired the Vamp, I could now justify getting it for myself since it was only $25 (and that’s with shipping) from the grab bag. I waited the week it took to get to me, wondering and worrying about my Vamp the whole time. But when the week was out and my Vamp finally arrived, I was delighted by what I received! Or at least I was initially.

The Vamp I received came in a shimmery purple with a slight hint of black in the mid shaft. If I had a strap on harness then I would wear this dildo for the sheer visual delight of seeing this cock swing between my legs. There’s no denying the Vamp is a looker. When I showed it to my friends I got several ‘ooohs’ and a couple of flustered remarks as I sent photos of the toy. Squeezing the toy in my hand, it definitely felt dense and meaty in my hand, though not as firm as some other toys I’ve gotten, such as the Ruse Jammy. I have reason to believe that I received, at least in part, the Super Soft density given that I could easily bend the toy in half. The regular firmness of Tantus silicone doesn’t permit such flexibility. While it lacks a curve or a prominent, jutting head, I thought the Vamp would perform admirably in my vagina.

VAMP GRAB BAG PRODUCT PHOTO — In a way, the Vamp did bite me.

Sadly it was not to be. The Vamp measures 7 inches in length and is 1.7 inches thick at the thickest point. This is a formidable toy that deserves respect. These dimensions had me drooling, as I love a good stretch. But something about the design just truly didn’t agree with me. The sulcus, the little dip of the retracted foreskin provided to be particularly painful. Something about it made me feel pinched and uncomfortable as I thrust the toy.

But more than the sulcus, the Vamp made my vagina feel oddly claustrophobic. I’ve taken the Jammy, a toy 2 inches thick and not felt that kind of claustrophobia. It was as though my vagina were gagging on the toy. At that point in the testing, I wished dearly that my vagina had the capability to spit so that I could expel the toy with the proper amount of derision. Using the Vamp became distasteful as I tried over and over again to make the toy pleasurable. As of now, the Vamp and I are taking a break. Perhaps at some point later in my life I’ll return to the Vamp and we’ll be a better fit, but until now, I’ve got better things to put in my cunt.

I purchased this toy with my own funds, I just wanted to tell you all about it.

Reviews

The Lush Hera G Spot Vibrator

If the Lush Hera G Spot Vibrator were a straight silicone dildo, this review would look different. I could talk about the fanciful design and fun color. I could talk about the appreciation I have for more established companies making playful designs. But this is overshadowed by one singular fact. That the Lush Hera is so weak that I can hear it more than I can feel it. And if you call yourself a vibrator, then you should probably be more perceptible on the skin than to the ears.

The first vibrator I was sent was slightly defective, and had I reviewed that one I probably would’ve been frothier since I literally couldn’t feel it. However, the people at Betty’s Toy Box were so perfectly wonderful to send me a replacement and this one was just perceptibly stronger. But sadly, that slight boost in strength didn’t amount to much because this vibrator is still tragically weak.

The Lush Hera G Spot Vibrator is a dark purple vibrator with a design akin to what I imagine would be a dragon cock in miniature. So perhaps a kobold cock? Perhaps. The silicone is soft and smooth, squishing just a little under a firm grip and betraying the rock hard vibrator guts. The Hera is modestly sized at 5.75 inches insertable and only 1.4 inches wide and runs on 2 AAA batteries. The toy is splash proof, body safe and unfortunately? I don’t like it.

HERA PRODUCT PHOTO — The Lush Hera G Spot Vibrator is prettier than it feels.

Oh Hera. What have they done to you. You could’ve been a delightful, semi-fantasy dildo that I would’ve gleefully displayed to all three of my friends who can handle my enthusiasm with sex toys. But you were spirited away before they would let your true talents shine, and you were labeled a vibrator. And see, you weren’t meant to be one. That’s not where you excel. Asking you to vibrate is like asking Stephen King to write a nursery rhyme. He might of course, but that’s not his true talent. You don’t have the vibrations needed to wake up my clit, a veritable insomniac, let alone my narcoleptic G spot. So when I use you internally, I turn you off and use the Nocturnal actually. If The Nocturnal is the heavy metal scream of vibrators, you’re someone whispering from across the room. Forgive me for preferring your sibling.

Dramatic musing aside, I really can’t feel this vibrator on my clit, much less when it’s inserted. I lay the Hera on there, and after the initial ‘Oh there’s something vibrating on me’, it fades away. Internally, I’m left with a vague sense that there’s something going on in my vagina, but the texture during thrusting drowns out the feeling of the vibrations.

But even turned off and used as a dildo, the Hera falls short. The silicone gives a little squish, but those ridges covering rock hard vibrator guts make it abrasive, over textured, and uncomfortable to use. Not to mention that teeny weeny head doesn’t do anything for my G spot. This seems shocking given my love of the highly textured Lust Arts Mermaid, but the Mermaid also has a delightful squish to it. The Hera is as firm as any caricatured disciplinarian from the cartoons I used to watch and just as abrasive.

In all, I wish I had more positive things to say about this toy. This line has beautiful looks and playful designs, but I’m afraid the Hera fell flat for me. If you’re looking for a good vibrator, Betty’s Toy Box sells The Gaia Eco Vibrator, which has gotten high marks from fellow bloggers like Dangerous Lilly, or you can try the Exposed Nocturnal, which I love and fear in equal measure.

This toy was provided to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks Betty’s Toy Box!

Reviews

Blush Novelties Exposed Nocturnal Lipstick Bullet Vibrator Review

The Blush Novelties Exposed Nocturnal Lipstick Bullet Vibrator (from here on The Nocturnal) is not joking with you. It is not joshing or funning with you, and it is nowhere near the vicinity of goofing on you. Despite the soft shades of pink and purple, the Nocturnal contains a powerhouse ready and willing to forcibly buzz an orgasm out of you. The strength of this vibrator is commendable, and I would like to applaud Blush Novelties for making an affordable and strong vibrator. However, while I love the strength of the Nocturnal, my thoughts on it as a whole remain complicated.

I decided on purchasing the Nocturnal for two reasons. One was because I’d heard that it was as strong as the Tango. That of course caught my attention, because that kind of thing isn’t thrown around lightly. If you’re not aware, the Tango is one of the most revered vibrators possibly ever. It’s gotten consistently high praise from just about every sex toy reviewer who was lucky enough to be able to review it. The second reason was that the price of the Blush Novelties Jammy and The Nocturnal combined was approximately equivalent to the single density version of the Vixen Creations Randy. Yes, the Nocturnal retails for approximately $32, which is less than half of what the Tango costs. So for people on a budget, this is going to turn heads.

NOCTURNAL PRODUCT PHOTO — The Exposed Nocturnal Lipstick Bullet Vibrator in Dusty Rose

The Nocturnal is sort of big for what I imagine a bullet vibrator to be. It’s about 4 inches long, making it much bigger than the Screaming O Vooom which I have, and about as long as the Tango. Made of ABS plastic, the best material for conducting vibrations, the toy is smooth and nonporous, meaning it’s easy to sterilize with a little bleach if you want to share it between partners. Because the toy has mechanical parts, boiling is off the table, as well as tossing it in the dishwasher on a sanitize cycle. The Nocturnal is also rechargeable, with magnetic contacts rather than a jack. This I take some issue with as the magnetic contacts are weak and can cause some difficulty when trying to stick the charger to it. Still, it’s better than a jack, which can worry me irrationally when I see the toy being dunked in water.

The Nocturnal has five vibration speeds and five patterns. Given the strength of the motor in this toy, the patterns can be kind of pleasurable actually. The vibrations of the escalation pattern feel like my clit is being tapped, which, depending on how aroused I am, can be jarring or exquisitely pleasurable. Mostly though, I focused on the steady vibration settings. On the website, the product copy claims that the Nocturnal is waterproof, which I tested by dropping it in a sink full of water and other dildos I was warming up. The cold weather necessitates some pre-heating before masturbation you know. I watched the Nocturnal buzz away in there for several minutes, unaffected by the water surrounding it and spinning wildly on top of the dildos. I also pulled it out partially to look at the impressive water displacement, which was quite entertaining. While this test is entirely unscientific, I’m confident in validating the waterproof claim.

But enough beating around the bush. How does it feel? Well, as I mentioned earlier, this is definitely a strong toy. I’ve used the Nocturnal multiple times, nearly every masturbation session since I got it trying to synthesize my feelings in a concise way. But unfortunately, simplicity escapes me. The first time I tried the Nocturnal, it was borderline painful to put on my genitals. Now admittedly, I’d had several orgasms with a wand vibrator earlier so I was already over stimulated, and so laying something so aggressive on my clit was bound to feel weird and unpleasurable. So really, that one was on me. But it’s also worth noting that the Nocturnal is too powerful for me to use it as a warm up toy. Even the first intensity is too much for my clit when it’s just waking up. I need to use my hands for a few minutes before I’m sufficiently warmed up enough to want the Nocturnal.

Once I hit that sweet spot though, the Nocturnal is undeniably and ruthlessly pleasurable. This toy dominates my clit, makes me unable to control my expressions and forces moans out of me. The vibrations are on the buzzier size, but with an element of rumble that makes them still approachable despite that aggressive motor. The first setting alone can make me squirm and pant from the strength of the vibrations. Paired with a dildo, this toy makes me come hard all over whatever I’ve chosen to stuff my vagina with. Orgasms with the Nocturnal on my clit actually made me figure out where my G spot was. The strong clitoral orgasms caused my G spot to swell up, making penetration of almost any kind almost violently orgasmic. And so I became a devoted worshipper of the toy, using it faithfully during every dildo session that I had. I fell into a kind of love with this vibrator. It’s small, simple and effective. The buttons made sense. It never failed to get me off.

Well, sort of. I feel a little awkward mentioning this, but I did have one acutely unfortunate session with the toy that I feel I need to mention. One night as I was using the toy before bed, I felt a sharp pain in my vulva. I thought briefly that maybe I was just numbed out from the Nocturnal, but when I went to pee after masturbating, I felt a sharp pain and saw some blood on the toilet paper. After that, the sharp, stinging sensation persisted in my urethra all night, and there was blood every time I went to the bathroom. I thought I might’ve had an infection and made an appointment with an Urgent Care clinic to get a urine culture done, but by the morning, the pain had receded dramatically and there was no more blood. Given these circumstances, I concluded that some how I had cut my urethra. While I can’t say beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Nocturnal caused this, it seems to me the most logical conclusion given the timing of the event. So I’ve taken a brief respite from the Nocturnal for my vag to heal.

So overall, my relationship with this toy is still complicated. I’ve had glorious masturbation sessions with it, and found it made testing dildos enormously easier with the Nocturnal buzzing away on my clit and swelling my G spot. And I’ve had a sleepless, stinging, and slightly bloody night also because of the Nocturnal. How to synthesize these experiences? Is it still okay to recommend a toy that caused this kind of discomfort? Is it scaremongering to mention this probable fluke? I’m still not sure. However, what I am sure of is that having a nuanced opinion on a toy is not a bad thing. I can both love and recommend this toy while at the same time cautioning my readers to be mindful if they have more delicate genitals. So if you’re in the mood for a strong, affordable vibrator and take note of the fact that it really is strong, I recommend the Nocturnal.

I purchased this toy all on my own, I just wanted y’all to know my opinion.

Reviews

Elements 1, 2 and 3 Review

Florida is a complicated place. On the one hand, it has beautiful beaches, warm weather, and Disney Land. And on the other hand it’s a giant dick-shaped swamp, prone to hurricanes, and with mosquitoes as big as your thumb trying to drain you like you’re a human Capri Sun. But in this controversial state, there exists a company creatively making the world of sex toys a better and more colorful place. Enter Uberrime, a new sex toy company that makes designs that are both daring and beautiful, such as the much lauded Night King and his more realistic Gentlemen series. I admired Uberrime’s toys for a long time, crying out joyfully every time a new pour was announced on the company Twitter and sighing fancifully at the new designs which appeared in the shop. So I was absolutely delighted one day when Marco, the man behind the magic at Uberrime, asked me if I would review his new line of toys, The Elements. I couldn’t say yes fast enough. And let me tell you, I am very glad I welcomed this gorgeously marbled silicone into my life. They’ve made masturbation so much better in a multitude of ways.

THE ELEMENTS PRODUCT PHOTO 101618 — From left to right: Element 1, Element 2 and Element 3 in stunning two color marbling.

The Elements are Uberrime’s answer to the call for smaller, more economical silicone dildos. The toys Uberrime is known for making tend to run large, delighting the size royalty among us but which is somewhat unattainable for those among us who prefer something a little more modest. And so, the Elements were born to the RIOTOUS joy of the sex toy and blogger community. All of them are $29 in the single color option, designed with every body’s pleasure in mind. Poured at shore hardness 10, these toys fall into the slightly squishy but still decently firm category, a good density that makes itself known but doesn’t jab your insides. With simple yet anatomy focused designs, Uberrime makes dildos with every body in mind. Hooray for dildos for all of us!

But enough of the fanfare and starry eyed declarations: you want to know how they really feel.

ELEMENT 1 PHOTO 101618 — The Element 1 in yellow and red marbling.

The first up is, naturally, the Element #1, which came to me in a gorgeous red and yellow marbling. The Element #1 is a long and narrow dildo that I was originally unimpressed with. My first impression of it was that it was entirely underwhelming in my vagina and I was very near to writing it off as a wash. But as I continued to use it, I began to understand why the narrowness and length were to be appreciated. This, folks, is one of the most perfect dildos possible for those of us warming up or beginning to explore. It’s been extremely useful when on days when my vagina just isn’t the ALL GIRTH ALL THE TIME size queen I like to think it is. The Element #1 provides a gentle introduction to penetration that I deeply appreciate both in my vaginal and in my anal sessions as it’s narrowness makes for a good easing into. Using the Element #1 anally is an excellent way to warm up more reticent butts after you’ve warmed up with a finger or two and I found I preferred it to get ready for girthier toys. It’s also long enough that I’m considering using it for A-spot exploration. So far no luck, but this dildo is gentle enough that I can use it for exploration as much as I want.

ELEMENT 2 PHOTO 101618 — The Element 2 in purple and black marbling

The Element #2 is not as pleasurable as I had hoped, sadly. Dammit Marco, I thought for sure that it would be my favorite. Visually speaking it’s the most delightful to look at with that prominent bulbous head and stunning black and purple marbling. But those ridges are just don’t do anything for my vagina for whatever reason. The popping sensation can occasionally be uncomfortable for me as it goes past my pubic bone. At best, my vagina ignores the sensations of those ridges popping past my pubic bone. At worst, the ridges can cause discomfort at my vaginal opening. The reason for the discomfort is mystifying, as the girth is certainly nothing even close to the maximum girth I can take. Once the Element #2 pops past my pubic bone, it does feel pleasurable inside of me. Those ridges which were so dramatic at my vaginal entrance are so much less aggressive once inside and I can have a pleasant session until removal, upon which the popping sensation occurs again. While I greatly appreciate the aesthetic of the dildo, it hasn’t been my body’s first choice.

ELEMENT 3 PHOTO 101618 — The Element 3 in red and pink marbling

My Element #3 is a pretty red and pink dildo that surprised the hell out of me. I hadn’t expected the Element #3 to be particularly laudable, but I find that it outshines its siblings and is far and away my favorite for daily masturbation. The girthier, stouter model gives me a nice amount of silicone for my vagina to squeeze around without any chance for it to bother my cervix. This simple but brilliantly effective design is what makes it a star. The gentle curve and bulbed head provide a nice massage for my insides and is perfect for when I want something that feels good and won’t bother my vagina or cervix on my more sensitive days. Ergo, this is a fantastic toy for when I’m menstruating. The Element #3 is perfect for both quickie masturbation sessions and for warming me up for a more involved session with larger toys. The Element #3’s excellent dimensions and thoughtful design made the testing of larger toys a damn sight easier since I could ease into girth rather than jump head first into it. Fun fact, this toy made testing the Lust Burster from my earlier review far more comfortable. The particular blend and hardness of this silicone make this a fun toy to thrust, and the smoothness of the dildo means it’s best appreciated by swiftly thrusting it in out of myself. In all, my favorite dildo of the bunch.

Like my other reviews of silicone toys, these are very easy to clean. Spritz ’em with bleach, boil ’em or scrub ’em in the sink if you’re not passing them between orifices (never go anal to vaginal without sanitizing). There aren’t any crevices in these designs to worry about, so cleaning should be fairly easy.

In all, I must confess myself a great fan of the Elements. 2 out of 3 I find exceedingly useful and pleasurable, with the #2 still a viable option for those who know they can handle intense ridges. The density, colors, and smart, thoughtful design make these all excellent toys in their own right. They don’t try to pull any stunts, but exist in that delightful simplicity that is both body and wallet friendly. Beginners and advanced masturbators will appreciate these toys as they have something to offer everyone regardless of experience or anatomy. I cannot recommend the Elements more heartily and I look forward to seeing what Uberrime does next.

The Elements were provided to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks Uberrime, keep on rockin’.

Reviews

Luxe Be Me 3 Plug Review

I’ve been inducted into an affiliate program with one of my most favorite retailers, Peepshow Toys. Pop the champagne y’all, this is a cause for celebration! I’ve been a fan of Peepshow ever since their Prism 69 sale and I’m jazzed to be working with them. In addition to allowing me to join their affiliate program, Peepshow was gracious enough to send me this plug to review, so I feel extra grateful to them. I was pleasantly surprised to receive all of these in the same box where I purchased my lubes after one bad night where I had a reaction to the GCL’s Almost Naked formula. Eagerly I grabbed my prize, the Luxe Be Me 3 plug and set to work testing and retesting it to ensure I could be thorough in my review. And now I can tell you without a doubt: this toy has not been worth the effort.

The look of the Be Me 3 is very promising. It has a simple, but adorable design featuring beads that graduate in size and has a gentle curve. The texture of the toy is smooth and nearly suede-like in texture, a pleasant matte finish silicone that takes to lube well. My plug came in black, which I appreciate, though it also comes in pink if you prefer something more vibrant. The toy is flexible and the base makes sense, a smaller base would present concerns about retrievability. It’s also fairly inexpensive for those among us who are wallet conscious, as it only costs $14, a sensible price. With a max insertable length of 4.25 inches and a max girth of 1.25 inches, this proves to be a non-intimidating plug that, at least in appearance, would serve as a warm up plug and would be great for training the butt.

BE ME 3 PRODUCT PHOTO 1 101518 — The Luxe Be Me 3. Too bad it was a bust.

But in spite of the body safeness and beginner measurements of the Luxe Be Me 3, I can’t get behind it. There’s no use beating around the bush: I don’t like this plug AT ALL. If you take nothing else away from this review, then I want you to know: it’s just too damn difficult to use and doesn’t provide enough reward. This plug is too flexible to get in my ass unless I grip the bead I’m trying to insert and push it in. When I’ve attempted to grip the base to insert it, the Be Me 3 slips off my asshole and attempts to penetrate my vagina instead or jabs me in the perineum. And so, muttering dark oaths and mumbling phrases of frustration, I resign myself to gripping the bead that I want to insert and pushing it into me. The bead is caked in lube to help with insertion, but since the lube is where I need to grip, it inevitably leads to my grip slipping off the bead. This problem was partially solved thanks to the placement of a mirror, making my aim a little better, but difficulties still persisted. Perhaps if I had my partner insert the beads in my ass it’d be more fun, but alone you’re bound to run into some frustration.

When I find that I finally do get the Luxe Be Me 3 in my ass, I’m not rewarded with any mind-blowing sensations for my effort. It hangs out in my ass just fine, but the beads inhabiting me don’t really add anything extra. The base is long and trustable so I’m not worried about losing them, but it’s not a noteworthy sensation. Perhaps because the beads are so light weight and aren’t particularly girthy that I feel so unimpressed by them. It’s pleasant enough to be sure, but after my struggle with them, I’d hoped for something more. Removing them, at least at this point in my anal exploration, isn’t really the orgasmic experience I’d hoped for. Perhaps because my ass clings to every bead for dear life. Perhaps because these beads are just lackluster.

As with all silicone, cleaning the Be Me 3 is a snap. Spritz it with bleach, boil it in water, toss it in the dishwasher on a rinse cycle, all of these are fine for the Be Me 3. If you’re not going to use it vaginally, a simple soap and water cleaning works out just fine. Though if you have mishaps like me and possess a vagina, then bleach is well worth considering to make sure you’re not passing bacteria from your butt to your vagina.

This is a toy that is an exercise in patience, except that the patience won’t be rewarded with anything more than moderate anal pleasure. Someone with a more zen-like disposition is perhaps suited to this toy, or perhaps just someone who is flexible and has access to a mirror to figure out how this toy is going to go in their ass. If you’ve got the whole day for a lazy wank and are very into the idea of training your butt this way, it might be for you. But if you’re looking for something a little more immediately gratifying, I’d turn you to a more conventional plug like the Njoy Pure Plug.

This toy was provided to me in exchange for my honest review. Thanks Peepshow Toys, I love y’all to death.

Reviews

Silicone Siren Song: The Mermaid Dildo Review

In spite of owning several dildos, I have yet to review any on my site…until now. And so I am proud to announce that my first dildo review is the stunningly crafted Mermaid dildo, provided to me by Lust Arts. Lust Arts is a new sex toy company founded by two women who have dedicated themselves to making incredible fantasy inspired dildos. They’ve really impressed me with toys like the Lust Burster, a Xenomorph inspired dildo that warmed my horror-loving heart, their gorgeous take on a unicorn horn, as well as the Mermaid dildo which I am reviewing today. And after having received the Mermaid in my home and in my vagina, I’ve learned to love it. It is intense, and abrasive at times, but it provides sensations of texture and fullness no other dildo in my toybox provides.

Dildo photography — The freshly washed Mermaid looking magical with my electric candles.

The Mermaid dildo is absolutely gorgeous to look at, there’s no denying that. The artisans at Lust Arts imbued this dildo with a stunning amount of detail, making the Mermaid look like an enticing siren with her wild hair and curled mermaid tail. The color I asked for was Deepest Wave, a gorgeous pale-green over deep black that looks exactly like a sunken copper statue. This is one of the signature colors of the toy, though the Mermaid dildo does come in a range of colors. Lust Arts sent me the toy in a glorious dual-density of Extra Soft 0030 shore-hardness outside, and Soft 0050 shore-hardness inside, making it the most pleasantly squishy toy I own. It’s softer and more flexible than both the Real Nude Rollo dildo and the Truskyn Curve from Doc Johnson.

While the Mermaid comes in a range of sizes, I asked to review the Moaner size, which seemed fairly un-intimidating. At a little over 5 1/2 inches insertable and with the widest diameter on the toy being 2.07 inches, I thought it could even qualify as a warm-up toy. But with the amount of texture this toy rocks, I would suggest warming up by getting either very turned on first or by using a smaller toy to warm up, especially if you’re new to texture like I was.

I had to have a few sessions with this dildo a few times to truly understand it. The first time I used the Mermaid, I didn’t take the time to get properly aroused, which made using the toy a little awkward. I only inserted it a few inches before feeling overwhelmed and uncomfortable. After having paused to lube up properly and become more aroused, I took another shot at inserting the dildo, which met with mixed success. Because I had stopped at the ‘hips’ of the toy, that left a lot of the texture just in my vaginal opening. That amount of texture just in my vaginal opening caused a scratchy, scraping feeling which drowned out the more pleasurable sensations inside. Once I fully inserted the toy however, the discomfort fizzled, replaced by a GLORIOUS stretching feeling at the entrance to my vagina. The fullness at my vaginal opening and all of that texture was AMAZING once inside me.

Through continued use of the toy, I discovered my favorite way to use the Mermaid. I paired the dildo with a clitoral vibrator and stuffed myself full with the Mermaid, jiggling it and twisting it to get the delicious massaging sensation and stretching fullness that the size queen in me craves. The texture is absolutely delightful to my vaginal walls! It felt like being massaged and teased with tiny fingers in a way. With how soft the Mermaid is, the textured parts don’t feel abrasive, provided I fully insert the toy. In trying I also found that I enjoyed the Mermaid externally, as the highly textured head of the toy felt fantastic to rub against my clit and inner labia, which I often did as part of my warm-up.

Cleaning and storing the dildo is fairly easy actually. Because you can submerge the toy, it’s fairly easy to soak off bodily fluids and get your toy nice and clean after a session. When I received it, I worried that the toy would hold onto my juices and be a nightmare to get clean because of all the nooks, crannies and crevices. But having tested this after a few sessions, I found that it was fairly easy to soak it in the sink and then wipe off with a paper towel. The softer density does cause the toy to attract dust and hair, necessitating a wash beforehand if not kept in something like a plastic bag. It’s no surprise that silicone this soft and squishy attracts lint! The bag Lust Arts sends you should be more than enough to keep your toy clean between washes though. For sanitizing, you can either boil this dildo or use a 10% bleach solution and wipe it down.

So what would I say about this silicone siren? I would recommend the Mermaid to users who know they like intensity and texture, as even the very soft Mermaid provides a great deal to experience. For people just starting to explore texture, getting a smaller, softer version of the Mermaid would likely be the best option to decide whether or not you’re into the amount of texture the Mermaid rocks. Me personally? I love my Mermaid, and plan on using it when my insides need a good massaging and stretching.

This toy was provided to me free of charge in exchange for an honest review. Thank you Lust Arts!

Uncategorized

Visions of the Future

AKA here’s what’s in the pipeline for my upcoming pieces:

Reviews of the Stockroom products I received! I received a collar, an adjustable eye mask and a paddle to review from Stockroom and I’m very excited. Preliminary testing indicates that I love the mask the most, but we’ll see!
A new series of posts exploring different kinks and fetishes I’ve encountered on my career on the internet. It’ll include some really interesting stuff including: Oviposition, Teratophilia, Vore and much more.
Reviewing for Lust Arts! Lust Arts was one of the first to contact me when I got extremely excited for their new product The Mermaid. It’s a beautiful, extremely textured silicone dildo and I’m extremely excited to receive it!
Possibly launching a podcast about all of this? Who knows.
Warming Up Part Two: Some typical acts that can warm you up and what it is I do to get warmed up for penetration!

I’m very excited to write these and more!