Reviews – Page 4 – Rocket Girl Writes

The Maestro Review

In a sense, the Maestro is the first of its kind. It’s the first true suction cup dildo Marco has made; because even though the base of many toys was sticky, Uberrime’s toys did not have true suction cups. Another fun fact about this toy is: I was asked to name it! Yes, I was approached by Uberrime to name the Maestro, possibly because I’m such a loud mouth on Twitter. My choice of the Maestro was approved and later I was approached to review the toy itself. And I gotta say, I’m HONORED. But more than that, I’m delighted to have the Maestro in my vagina. It’s a toy that’s like a good historical fiction film: it has drama, subtlety, and a damned good suction cup. Well, okay, maybe films don’t have that last part. But we can all agree that they SHOULD.

The first thing that I want to mention about the Maestro is the silicone. Not only is it a beautiful color and finish, but the density! The density of the silicone is something that really sets this toy up for greatness in my opinion. Every time I hold the Maestro in my hand I’m struck by how MEATY this toy feels. Of all my current dildos, the Maestro is the one that feels the closest to a fully aroused penis in my opinion. Fully aroused cocks are hard; they might have a little give, but at 100% boner, they’re just not exactly very squishy. At shore 10, this silicone feels damned close to the feeling of a guy so aroused he could bend steel with his cock. Also, the dimensions of the Maestro are quite life like! At about 6.5 inches insertable and 1.67 inches in girth, it mimics an average penis dimensions nicely. Essentially, it feels just like a boner without committing too hard to looking realistic. For people looking for a nice firm fuck, this is where it’s at.

THE MAESTRO PRODUCT PHOTO — The Maestro Suction Cup dildo in all it’s blue and gold glory. Like a baroque painting in silicone.

When I first approached the Maestro, I’ll admit there was some trepidation regarding the prominent coronal ridges. In my previous review, the Element #2 also featured a pair of such ridges that caused discomfort, no matter my arousal level. So you’ll forgive me for approaching the dildo the same way a person tentatively approaches what may or may not be a king snake. By that I mean, I approached with caution, not that I was frantically trying to remember an extremely specific rhyme about snake coloration. But somehow, in spite of the fact that the Maestro is in fact more dramatic, I actually enjoy it. The popping feeling is minimal, and I love how the ridge pushes so insistently against my G spot. When I thrust, it drags against my insides and the density gives my vagina something wonderful to clench around. Compared to another semi-realistic toy, such as The Vamp, the Maestro fairs far better in my vagina. Possibly because of the friendlier dimensions, but more likely because the design is more agreeable to my vagina.

Now how about that suction cup? Did Marco manage to pull it off? Well I’m delighted to announce: OH HELL YES. That is a suction cup that grips walls like a barnacle grips the outside of a ship. It clings with the same loving fidelity that a spandex suit clings to a superhero’s ass-crack. The Maestro was strong enough to be an auxiliary handle for my fridge and survived my furious slapping of the dildo. Yes, I slapped the dildo like a cat toy. What can I say? Sometimes you need a little stress relief and slapping a silicone dick is so satisfying that you do it between bouts of studying.

I’ve stuck the Maestro to my fridge, to my shower wall, to my head board and to my textured and painted wall. It’s stuck to all of them! The only things it hasn’t stuck to include: the cats, my partner’s forehead and my book bag. If the surface is smooth(ish) and flat, the Maestro will grip it like it like lover who never wants to let it go. The Maestro also gave me a new experience: my first hands-free dildo experience! I used the Maestro in conjunction with the Lust Arts Unicorn Horn and both suction cups were rock solid and gave me my first DP experience! It was a hot session, LET ME TELL YOU. While I was pretty tentative in my ride, I have no doubt that the suction cup would stand up to even more advanced users who were more active in their escapades.

So what else can I say about this dildo? I can tell you the Maestro comes in both one and two color pours, and all of them are beautiful. I can tell you it would be a delight to strap on with that length and prominent head. But mostly? I want to tell you to buy it. I want everyone to have the ability to bone down on their fridge or their shower or the wall of their cubicle. I want to see pornography centered around the Maestro. I want to see beautiful butch women pegging their partners with this cock and to see blowjob videos featuring this gorgeous piece of silicone. I love this toy and I wish to see it proliferate. It’s a RAVISHINGLY pleasurable toy, and everyone with a desire for penetration, hands-free or otherwise, deserves it.

Uberrime sent me this toy free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thank you Uberrime!

Reviews

Tantus Vamp Grab Bag Review

Often when bloggers talk about silicone dildos, Tantus is in the same sentence. Tantus has been termed a pleasure pioneer, as it was one of the earliest companies to create entirely body safe dildos. Recently they had a sale, 40% off everything in the store, including their grab bags. Having long desired the Vamp, I could now justify getting it for myself since it was only $25 (and that’s with shipping) from the grab bag. I waited the week it took to get to me, wondering and worrying about my Vamp the whole time. But when the week was out and my Vamp finally arrived, I was delighted by what I received! Or at least I was initially.

The Vamp I received came in a shimmery purple with a slight hint of black in the mid shaft. If I had a strap on harness then I would wear this dildo for the sheer visual delight of seeing this cock swing between my legs. There’s no denying the Vamp is a looker. When I showed it to my friends I got several ‘ooohs’ and a couple of flustered remarks as I sent photos of the toy. Squeezing the toy in my hand, it definitely felt dense and meaty in my hand, though not as firm as some other toys I’ve gotten, such as the Ruse Jammy. I have reason to believe that I received, at least in part, the Super Soft density given that I could easily bend the toy in half. The regular firmness of Tantus silicone doesn’t permit such flexibility. While it lacks a curve or a prominent, jutting head, I thought the Vamp would perform admirably in my vagina.

VAMP GRAB BAG PRODUCT PHOTO — In a way, the Vamp did bite me.

Sadly it was not to be. The Vamp measures 7 inches in length and is 1.7 inches thick at the thickest point. This is a formidable toy that deserves respect. These dimensions had me drooling, as I love a good stretch. But something about the design just truly didn’t agree with me. The sulcus, the little dip of the retracted foreskin provided to be particularly painful. Something about it made me feel pinched and uncomfortable as I thrust the toy.

But more than the sulcus, the Vamp made my vagina feel oddly claustrophobic. I’ve taken the Jammy, a toy 2 inches thick and not felt that kind of claustrophobia. It was as though my vagina were gagging on the toy. At that point in the testing, I wished dearly that my vagina had the capability to spit so that I could expel the toy with the proper amount of derision. Using the Vamp became distasteful as I tried over and over again to make the toy pleasurable. As of now, the Vamp and I are taking a break. Perhaps at some point later in my life I’ll return to the Vamp and we’ll be a better fit, but until now, I’ve got better things to put in my cunt.

I purchased this toy with my own funds, I just wanted to tell you all about it.

Reviews

The Lush Hera G Spot Vibrator

If the Lush Hera G Spot Vibrator were a straight silicone dildo, this review would look different. I could talk about the fanciful design and fun color. I could talk about the appreciation I have for more established companies making playful designs. But this is overshadowed by one singular fact. That the Lush Hera is so weak that I can hear it more than I can feel it. And if you call yourself a vibrator, then you should probably be more perceptible on the skin than to the ears.

The first vibrator I was sent was slightly defective, and had I reviewed that one I probably would’ve been frothier since I literally couldn’t feel it. However, the people at Betty’s Toy Box were so perfectly wonderful to send me a replacement and this one was just perceptibly stronger. But sadly, that slight boost in strength didn’t amount to much because this vibrator is still tragically weak.

The Lush Hera G Spot Vibrator is a dark purple vibrator with a design akin to what I imagine would be a dragon cock in miniature. So perhaps a kobold cock? Perhaps. The silicone is soft and smooth, squishing just a little under a firm grip and betraying the rock hard vibrator guts. The Hera is modestly sized at 5.75 inches insertable and only 1.4 inches wide and runs on 2 AAA batteries. The toy is splash proof, body safe and unfortunately? I don’t like it.

HERA PRODUCT PHOTO — The Lush Hera G Spot Vibrator is prettier than it feels.

Oh Hera. What have they done to you. You could’ve been a delightful, semi-fantasy dildo that I would’ve gleefully displayed to all three of my friends who can handle my enthusiasm with sex toys. But you were spirited away before they would let your true talents shine, and you were labeled a vibrator. And see, you weren’t meant to be one. That’s not where you excel. Asking you to vibrate is like asking Stephen King to write a nursery rhyme. He might of course, but that’s not his true talent. You don’t have the vibrations needed to wake up my clit, a veritable insomniac, let alone my narcoleptic G spot. So when I use you internally, I turn you off and use the Nocturnal actually. If The Nocturnal is the heavy metal scream of vibrators, you’re someone whispering from across the room. Forgive me for preferring your sibling.

Dramatic musing aside, I really can’t feel this vibrator on my clit, much less when it’s inserted. I lay the Hera on there, and after the initial ‘Oh there’s something vibrating on me’, it fades away. Internally, I’m left with a vague sense that there’s something going on in my vagina, but the texture during thrusting drowns out the feeling of the vibrations.

But even turned off and used as a dildo, the Hera falls short. The silicone gives a little squish, but those ridges covering rock hard vibrator guts make it abrasive, over textured, and uncomfortable to use. Not to mention that teeny weeny head doesn’t do anything for my G spot. This seems shocking given my love of the highly textured Lust Arts Mermaid, but the Mermaid also has a delightful squish to it. The Hera is as firm as any caricatured disciplinarian from the cartoons I used to watch and just as abrasive.

In all, I wish I had more positive things to say about this toy. This line has beautiful looks and playful designs, but I’m afraid the Hera fell flat for me. If you’re looking for a good vibrator, Betty’s Toy Box sells The Gaia Eco Vibrator, which has gotten high marks from fellow bloggers like Dangerous Lilly, or you can try the Exposed Nocturnal, which I love and fear in equal measure.

This toy was provided to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks Betty’s Toy Box!

Reviews

Blush Novelties Exposed Nocturnal Lipstick Bullet Vibrator Review

The Blush Novelties Exposed Nocturnal Lipstick Bullet Vibrator (from here on The Nocturnal) is not joking with you. It is not joshing or funning with you, and it is nowhere near the vicinity of goofing on you. Despite the soft shades of pink and purple, the Nocturnal contains a powerhouse ready and willing to forcibly buzz an orgasm out of you. The strength of this vibrator is commendable, and I would like to applaud Blush Novelties for making an affordable and strong vibrator. However, while I love the strength of the Nocturnal, my thoughts on it as a whole remain complicated.

I decided on purchasing the Nocturnal for two reasons. One was because I’d heard that it was as strong as the Tango. That of course caught my attention, because that kind of thing isn’t thrown around lightly. If you’re not aware, the Tango is one of the most revered vibrators possibly ever. It’s gotten consistently high praise from just about every sex toy reviewer who was lucky enough to be able to review it. The second reason was that the price of the Blush Novelties Jammy and The Nocturnal combined was approximately equivalent to the single density version of the Vixen Creations Randy. Yes, the Nocturnal retails for approximately $32, which is less than half of what the Tango costs. So for people on a budget, this is going to turn heads.

NOCTURNAL PRODUCT PHOTO — The Exposed Nocturnal Lipstick Bullet Vibrator in Dusty Rose

The Nocturnal is sort of big for what I imagine a bullet vibrator to be. It’s about 4 inches long, making it much bigger than the Screaming O Vooom which I have, and about as long as the Tango. Made of ABS plastic, the best material for conducting vibrations, the toy is smooth and nonporous, meaning it’s easy to sterilize with a little bleach if you want to share it between partners. Because the toy has mechanical parts, boiling is off the table, as well as tossing it in the dishwasher on a sanitize cycle. The Nocturnal is also rechargeable, with magnetic contacts rather than a jack. This I take some issue with as the magnetic contacts are weak and can cause some difficulty when trying to stick the charger to it. Still, it’s better than a jack, which can worry me irrationally when I see the toy being dunked in water.

The Nocturnal has five vibration speeds and five patterns. Given the strength of the motor in this toy, the patterns can be kind of pleasurable actually. The vibrations of the escalation pattern feel like my clit is being tapped, which, depending on how aroused I am, can be jarring or exquisitely pleasurable. Mostly though, I focused on the steady vibration settings. On the website, the product copy claims that the Nocturnal is waterproof, which I tested by dropping it in a sink full of water and other dildos I was warming up. The cold weather necessitates some pre-heating before masturbation you know. I watched the Nocturnal buzz away in there for several minutes, unaffected by the water surrounding it and spinning wildly on top of the dildos. I also pulled it out partially to look at the impressive water displacement, which was quite entertaining. While this test is entirely unscientific, I’m confident in validating the waterproof claim.

But enough beating around the bush. How does it feel? Well, as I mentioned earlier, this is definitely a strong toy. I’ve used the Nocturnal multiple times, nearly every masturbation session since I got it trying to synthesize my feelings in a concise way. But unfortunately, simplicity escapes me. The first time I tried the Nocturnal, it was borderline painful to put on my genitals. Now admittedly, I’d had several orgasms with a wand vibrator earlier so I was already over stimulated, and so laying something so aggressive on my clit was bound to feel weird and unpleasurable. So really, that one was on me. But it’s also worth noting that the Nocturnal is too powerful for me to use it as a warm up toy. Even the first intensity is too much for my clit when it’s just waking up. I need to use my hands for a few minutes before I’m sufficiently warmed up enough to want the Nocturnal.

Once I hit that sweet spot though, the Nocturnal is undeniably and ruthlessly pleasurable. This toy dominates my clit, makes me unable to control my expressions and forces moans out of me. The vibrations are on the buzzier size, but with an element of rumble that makes them still approachable despite that aggressive motor. The first setting alone can make me squirm and pant from the strength of the vibrations. Paired with a dildo, this toy makes me come hard all over whatever I’ve chosen to stuff my vagina with. Orgasms with the Nocturnal on my clit actually made me figure out where my G spot was. The strong clitoral orgasms caused my G spot to swell up, making penetration of almost any kind almost violently orgasmic. And so I became a devoted worshipper of the toy, using it faithfully during every dildo session that I had. I fell into a kind of love with this vibrator. It’s small, simple and effective. The buttons made sense. It never failed to get me off.

Well, sort of. I feel a little awkward mentioning this, but I did have one acutely unfortunate session with the toy that I feel I need to mention. One night as I was using the toy before bed, I felt a sharp pain in my vulva. I thought briefly that maybe I was just numbed out from the Nocturnal, but when I went to pee after masturbating, I felt a sharp pain and saw some blood on the toilet paper. After that, the sharp, stinging sensation persisted in my urethra all night, and there was blood every time I went to the bathroom. I thought I might’ve had an infection and made an appointment with an Urgent Care clinic to get a urine culture done, but by the morning, the pain had receded dramatically and there was no more blood. Given these circumstances, I concluded that some how I had cut my urethra. While I can’t say beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Nocturnal caused this, it seems to me the most logical conclusion given the timing of the event. So I’ve taken a brief respite from the Nocturnal for my vag to heal.

So overall, my relationship with this toy is still complicated. I’ve had glorious masturbation sessions with it, and found it made testing dildos enormously easier with the Nocturnal buzzing away on my clit and swelling my G spot. And I’ve had a sleepless, stinging, and slightly bloody night also because of the Nocturnal. How to synthesize these experiences? Is it still okay to recommend a toy that caused this kind of discomfort? Is it scaremongering to mention this probable fluke? I’m still not sure. However, what I am sure of is that having a nuanced opinion on a toy is not a bad thing. I can both love and recommend this toy while at the same time cautioning my readers to be mindful if they have more delicate genitals. So if you’re in the mood for a strong, affordable vibrator and take note of the fact that it really is strong, I recommend the Nocturnal.

I purchased this toy all on my own, I just wanted y’all to know my opinion.

Reviews

Ethos Leather Acrylic Paddle Review

I blame Girly Juice honestly. If I’d never seen her Lexan paddle, I’d never have gotten the idea into my head to get one of my own. But I did see her posts. I read the posts where she rhapsodized over her Kink Machine paddle and I felt a powerful wave of desire to possess a beautiful paddle of my own. So you can imagine how I must’ve felt when I saw her paddle was no longer available for purchase. A great cry went up from my apartment as I raged over the death of Kink Machine, maker of beautiful impact toys. And so I scoured the internet looking for my perfect paddle. It took a lot of looking on Stockroom and Etsy and elsewhere to finally find what I was looking for. My search was ended at last when I finally stumbled upon the paddle of my dreams: The Ethos Leather Acrylic Paddle. It’s absolutely everything I hope it would be: gorgeous, painful and priced just right.

Measurements

The Ethos Leather Acrylic Paddle is about 18 inches long, including the 6 inch handle. This gives the user plenty of handle to swing with. The paddle itself is 4 inches wide, which seems a little narrow in person, but is actually perfect. The paddle in 1/4 of an inch thick, so it provides a nice weight and paddle blade.

In person, the paddle is absolutely gorgeous. While most of my enjoyment comes from how this paddle performs against my ass, there’s no doubt that the visual aspect plays in to my choosing of this paddle.

The price of the paddle is also more than reasonable, $40 is a more than fair price for the quality of what you’re getting. Many quality acrylic paddles can be quite a bit more expensive, with the Paraphilia Acrylic Paddle at $60 on Stockroom.

In use

The Ethos Leather Acrylic Paddle is exactly what a paddle should be. It has a good surface level bite without being overwhelming. A hard smack with this is enough to get my attention and make me ready for more without immediately crossing my pain threshold. In addition to the initial sting, there’s underlying element of thud. This causes my ass to redden beautifully without making me want to immediately stop the scene. A few minutes of use gets my butt red and tingly, and I can feel the stinging impact for a long time after the impact play has ended. Doing day to day activities with my ass still reverberating really appeals to the exhibitionist in me! Compared to the leather paddle I reviewed earlier, the sensations this paddle evokes are more full-bodied. If the paddles were coffee, the leather paddle would be a blond roast while the Ethos Leather Acrylic Paddle would be a robust breakfast blend.

I love this paddle so much. I’ve found I’ve been using a lot more since I’ve gotten my school girl costume for Halloween, I just love the way I look when I’m taking a beating. The visual of a school girl with her skirt hiked up and her cute round ass getting paddled by such a gorgeous clear paddle is thrillingly hot. This paddle has made me more adventurous with my dirty snaps, much to the delight of my partner. Sending him pictures of me enjoying my paddle and especially sending them where he can enjoy them is also intensely enjoyable to me as well.

Cleaning

Because the Ethos Leather Acrylic Paddle is clear, it can get a little smudgy from the oils your skin secretes. To keep your paddle in top shape, all you need is a little soap and water and a soft cloth to dry it. If you’re gentle with the paddle and make sure not to scratch it, maintenance is fairly simple.

In Summary

The Ethos Leather Acrylic Paddle is a very versatile toy that suits the aesthetic of many scenes. It feels well balanced, delivers a satisfying blow and it’s nicely priced at $40 plus shipping. I personally love it since it’s beautifully clear, allowing the person topping to see the ass their beating, and it feels perfect in the hand and on the ass. If you’re considering a paddle and know you’re down for more robust sensations, I highly recommend this paddle!

I purchased this paddle with my own money, I just wanted to tell you all about it!

Reviews

Elements 1, 2 and 3 Review

Florida is a complicated place. On the one hand, it has beautiful beaches, warm weather, and Disney Land. And on the other hand it’s a giant dick-shaped swamp, prone to hurricanes, and with mosquitoes as big as your thumb trying to drain you like you’re a human Capri Sun. But in this controversial state, there exists a company creatively making the world of sex toys a better and more colorful place. Enter Uberrime, a new sex toy company that makes designs that are both daring and beautiful, such as the much lauded Night King and his more realistic Gentlemen series. I admired Uberrime’s toys for a long time, crying out joyfully every time a new pour was announced on the company Twitter and sighing fancifully at the new designs which appeared in the shop. So I was absolutely delighted one day when Marco, the man behind the magic at Uberrime, asked me if I would review his new line of toys, The Elements. I couldn’t say yes fast enough. And let me tell you, I am very glad I welcomed this gorgeously marbled silicone into my life. They’ve made masturbation so much better in a multitude of ways.

THE ELEMENTS PRODUCT PHOTO 101618 — From left to right: Element 1, Element 2 and Element 3 in stunning two color marbling.

The Elements are Uberrime’s answer to the call for smaller, more economical silicone dildos. The toys Uberrime is known for making tend to run large, delighting the size royalty among us but which is somewhat unattainable for those among us who prefer something a little more modest. And so, the Elements were born to the RIOTOUS joy of the sex toy and blogger community. All of them are $29 in the single color option, designed with every body’s pleasure in mind. Poured at shore hardness 10, these toys fall into the slightly squishy but still decently firm category, a good density that makes itself known but doesn’t jab your insides. With simple yet anatomy focused designs, Uberrime makes dildos with every body in mind. Hooray for dildos for all of us!

But enough of the fanfare and starry eyed declarations: you want to know how they really feel.

ELEMENT 1 PHOTO 101618 — The Element 1 in yellow and red marbling.

The first up is, naturally, the Element #1, which came to me in a gorgeous red and yellow marbling. The Element #1 is a long and narrow dildo that I was originally unimpressed with. My first impression of it was that it was entirely underwhelming in my vagina and I was very near to writing it off as a wash. But as I continued to use it, I began to understand why the narrowness and length were to be appreciated. This, folks, is one of the most perfect dildos possible for those of us warming up or beginning to explore. It’s been extremely useful when on days when my vagina just isn’t the ALL GIRTH ALL THE TIME size queen I like to think it is. The Element #1 provides a gentle introduction to penetration that I deeply appreciate both in my vaginal and in my anal sessions as it’s narrowness makes for a good easing into. Using the Element #1 anally is an excellent way to warm up more reticent butts after you’ve warmed up with a finger or two and I found I preferred it to get ready for girthier toys. It’s also long enough that I’m considering using it for A-spot exploration. So far no luck, but this dildo is gentle enough that I can use it for exploration as much as I want.

ELEMENT 2 PHOTO 101618 — The Element 2 in purple and black marbling

The Element #2 is not as pleasurable as I had hoped, sadly. Dammit Marco, I thought for sure that it would be my favorite. Visually speaking it’s the most delightful to look at with that prominent bulbous head and stunning black and purple marbling. But those ridges are just don’t do anything for my vagina for whatever reason. The popping sensation can occasionally be uncomfortable for me as it goes past my pubic bone. At best, my vagina ignores the sensations of those ridges popping past my pubic bone. At worst, the ridges can cause discomfort at my vaginal opening. The reason for the discomfort is mystifying, as the girth is certainly nothing even close to the maximum girth I can take. Once the Element #2 pops past my pubic bone, it does feel pleasurable inside of me. Those ridges which were so dramatic at my vaginal entrance are so much less aggressive once inside and I can have a pleasant session until removal, upon which the popping sensation occurs again. While I greatly appreciate the aesthetic of the dildo, it hasn’t been my body’s first choice.

ELEMENT 3 PHOTO 101618 — The Element 3 in red and pink marbling

My Element #3 is a pretty red and pink dildo that surprised the hell out of me. I hadn’t expected the Element #3 to be particularly laudable, but I find that it outshines its siblings and is far and away my favorite for daily masturbation. The girthier, stouter model gives me a nice amount of silicone for my vagina to squeeze around without any chance for it to bother my cervix. This simple but brilliantly effective design is what makes it a star. The gentle curve and bulbed head provide a nice massage for my insides and is perfect for when I want something that feels good and won’t bother my vagina or cervix on my more sensitive days. Ergo, this is a fantastic toy for when I’m menstruating. The Element #3 is perfect for both quickie masturbation sessions and for warming me up for a more involved session with larger toys. The Element #3’s excellent dimensions and thoughtful design made the testing of larger toys a damn sight easier since I could ease into girth rather than jump head first into it. Fun fact, this toy made testing the Lust Burster from my earlier review far more comfortable. The particular blend and hardness of this silicone make this a fun toy to thrust, and the smoothness of the dildo means it’s best appreciated by swiftly thrusting it in out of myself. In all, my favorite dildo of the bunch.

Like my other reviews of silicone toys, these are very easy to clean. Spritz ’em with bleach, boil ’em or scrub ’em in the sink if you’re not passing them between orifices (never go anal to vaginal without sanitizing). There aren’t any crevices in these designs to worry about, so cleaning should be fairly easy.

In all, I must confess myself a great fan of the Elements. 2 out of 3 I find exceedingly useful and pleasurable, with the #2 still a viable option for those who know they can handle intense ridges. The density, colors, and smart, thoughtful design make these all excellent toys in their own right. They don’t try to pull any stunts, but exist in that delightful simplicity that is both body and wallet friendly. Beginners and advanced masturbators will appreciate these toys as they have something to offer everyone regardless of experience or anatomy. I cannot recommend the Elements more heartily and I look forward to seeing what Uberrime does next.

The Elements were provided to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks Uberrime, keep on rockin’.

Reviews

Luxe Be Me 3 Plug Review

I’ve been inducted into an affiliate program with one of my most favorite retailers, Peepshow Toys. Pop the champagne y’all, this is a cause for celebration! I’ve been a fan of Peepshow ever since their Prism 69 sale and I’m jazzed to be working with them. In addition to allowing me to join their affiliate program, Peepshow was gracious enough to send me this plug to review, so I feel extra grateful to them. I was pleasantly surprised to receive all of these in the same box where I purchased my lubes after one bad night where I had a reaction to the GCL’s Almost Naked formula. Eagerly I grabbed my prize, the Luxe Be Me 3 plug and set to work testing and retesting it to ensure I could be thorough in my review. And now I can tell you without a doubt: this toy has not been worth the effort.

The look of the Be Me 3 is very promising. It has a simple, but adorable design featuring beads that graduate in size and has a gentle curve. The texture of the toy is smooth and nearly suede-like in texture, a pleasant matte finish silicone that takes to lube well. My plug came in black, which I appreciate, though it also comes in pink if you prefer something more vibrant. The toy is flexible and the base makes sense, a smaller base would present concerns about retrievability. It’s also fairly inexpensive for those among us who are wallet conscious, as it only costs $14, a sensible price. With a max insertable length of 4.25 inches and a max girth of 1.25 inches, this proves to be a non-intimidating plug that, at least in appearance, would serve as a warm up plug and would be great for training the butt.

BE ME 3 PRODUCT PHOTO 1 101518 — The Luxe Be Me 3. Too bad it was a bust.

But in spite of the body safeness and beginner measurements of the Luxe Be Me 3, I can’t get behind it. There’s no use beating around the bush: I don’t like this plug AT ALL. If you take nothing else away from this review, then I want you to know: it’s just too damn difficult to use and doesn’t provide enough reward. This plug is too flexible to get in my ass unless I grip the bead I’m trying to insert and push it in. When I’ve attempted to grip the base to insert it, the Be Me 3 slips off my asshole and attempts to penetrate my vagina instead or jabs me in the perineum. And so, muttering dark oaths and mumbling phrases of frustration, I resign myself to gripping the bead that I want to insert and pushing it into me. The bead is caked in lube to help with insertion, but since the lube is where I need to grip, it inevitably leads to my grip slipping off the bead. This problem was partially solved thanks to the placement of a mirror, making my aim a little better, but difficulties still persisted. Perhaps if I had my partner insert the beads in my ass it’d be more fun, but alone you’re bound to run into some frustration.

When I find that I finally do get the Luxe Be Me 3 in my ass, I’m not rewarded with any mind-blowing sensations for my effort. It hangs out in my ass just fine, but the beads inhabiting me don’t really add anything extra. The base is long and trustable so I’m not worried about losing them, but it’s not a noteworthy sensation. Perhaps because the beads are so light weight and aren’t particularly girthy that I feel so unimpressed by them. It’s pleasant enough to be sure, but after my struggle with them, I’d hoped for something more. Removing them, at least at this point in my anal exploration, isn’t really the orgasmic experience I’d hoped for. Perhaps because my ass clings to every bead for dear life. Perhaps because these beads are just lackluster.

As with all silicone, cleaning the Be Me 3 is a snap. Spritz it with bleach, boil it in water, toss it in the dishwasher on a rinse cycle, all of these are fine for the Be Me 3. If you’re not going to use it vaginally, a simple soap and water cleaning works out just fine. Though if you have mishaps like me and possess a vagina, then bleach is well worth considering to make sure you’re not passing bacteria from your butt to your vagina.

This is a toy that is an exercise in patience, except that the patience won’t be rewarded with anything more than moderate anal pleasure. Someone with a more zen-like disposition is perhaps suited to this toy, or perhaps just someone who is flexible and has access to a mirror to figure out how this toy is going to go in their ass. If you’ve got the whole day for a lazy wank and are very into the idea of training your butt this way, it might be for you. But if you’re looking for something a little more immediately gratifying, I’d turn you to a more conventional plug like the Njoy Pure Plug.

This toy was provided to me in exchange for my honest review. Thanks Peepshow Toys, I love y’all to death.

Reviews

The Lust Burster Review

CN: Fake blood in one image

Bless Lust Arts, those wonderfully quirky dildo makers. Not only are their designs perfect for this spook filled month, they were kind enough to send me their Lust Burster after I approached them about how PERFECT it would be to feature a horror themed dildo on my blog this month.

Just before we got into October, Lust Arts sent me their Lust Burster design in their Soft 0050 shore silicone and in their Moaner size. This dildo is a chunkier one, at about 2.2 inches thick at the widest point, but is a pleasant 6 inches long, so it doesn’t unnecessarily bother my cervix when I insert it. The silicone is addictively squishy to the touch, and were I not so enamored of how it feels in my vagina, I bet it’d be a fabulous stress ball. The design itself is glorious, and exactly calls to mind the chest bursting scene in the original Alien film. Fun fact, the reason I watched Alien was because I was going to be reviewing this dildo. Sex toys can expand your horizons in more than one way don’tchaknow.

LUST BURSTER PHOTO 100618 — My Lust Burster and its ADORABLE charm self

When I last reviewed a toy from Lust Arts, I was introduced to texture in a big way. Compared to the Mermaid, the Lust Burster is a much gentler dildo, feeling almost tame compared to the very intense sensations that the Mermaid elicits. This amuses me, as I find the monstrous Xenomorph inspired sculpt to be gentler than a sensual Mermaid one, but I suppose dildos are just like that. Sometimes, a monster’s tender touch is just what your vagina needs. However, the Lust Burster is even bulkier than the Mermaid, and requires me to use smaller warm up dildos in order to best enjoy the Lust Burster. The few times I tried to insert the toy without warmup, I winced. But thanks to warm up dildos, I can enjoy using the Lust Burster as a finale dildo. Once I do get it inside me, the Lust Burster feels oddly organic, the soft density and gentle texture giving it a novel, fleshy feeling that I haven’t felt with any other sculpt. Even semi-realistic soft dildos like the Real Nude Rollo or the TruSkyn Curve don’t feel this fleshy.

If the Mermaid is an aggressive massage, then the Lust Burster is a sensual stroking of my vaginal walls that I can’t get enough of. The Moaner size is filling, stretching me nicely at my vaginal opening, and the texture is just noticeable enough without being overwhelming. Also, the texture isn’t so overwhelming that it ever irritates my vaginal opening, the way the Mermaid sometimes can. The size and texture encourages thrusting, something I’ve only just started enjoying doing with my dildos. Thrusting the Lust Burster feels excellent, and actually made me understand why reviewers enjoy thrusting so much. Hey everyone, I finally get it. Thank the Lust Burster for bringing me as its plus one to the ‘people who actually thrust their dildos’ party. I’m so glad to meet all of you. Jokes aside, the Lust Burster has expanded my masturbation repertoire and I’m psyched I got to add this toy to my toybox.

LUST BURSTER PRODUCT PHOTO — The Lust Burster’s signature colors. Kinda into the bloody one honestly.

If you’re new to texture and a horror fan, then this a dildo I would highly recommend. This is an incredibly unique and, in my opinion, beautiful dildo. It even comes in a bloody version for the most hard core of horror fans. When I’m not in the mood for a rough ride but want more texture than say, the Pure Wand, the Lust Burster has got my back.

The Lust Burster was provided to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks so much Lust Arts!

Reviews

The Butters Lube Review

I didn’t mean to get a bunch of lubes to review, it sort of just happened that way. It happened that way because one night after GCL’s Almost Naked Lube left a mosquito bite style rash on me, I’d had enough. So I hopped on Peepshow Toy’s website and bought both Sliquid’s Sassy Lube and the Butters. And in this installment, your friendly neighborhood lubescout is pleased to say that the Butters are an excellent lube.

I received the 8 ounce cocoa butter formulation of the Butters lube. As soon as I got it out of the package, I opened it up to take a look at what was inside. The lube has a light and fluffy texture, and is a light yellow color, much the same color as the butter I have in my dish. The smell is ever so slightly earthy and something I and my partner found very enjoyable. In fact, my partner said that he was tempted just to eat it right out of the jar and was only stopped because he didn’t want to eat up all the product. It’s a lube that I really have little to compare it to but is absolutely delightful nonetheless.

I’ve used an oil based lube once before, in the form of unrefined coconut oil. However, I was too nervous to use it vaginally and used it only anally. I felt that same nervousness as it came to time to put it to use for the first time. Slicking up the dildo I was going to be testing, I understood that many other reviewers with sensitive orifices have tried this lube to no ill effect. Nonetheless, anxiety still flooded my nerves as I eased in the toy. It slid in like silk, the lube feeling just inside me. It didn’t feel sticky or artificial, and though I can’t say it blended perfectly with my natural fluids, it really did feel fine. Notably, the Butters lube lasted a good bit longer than my normal water based lubes, which was delightful. I can usually expect a reapplication every time I remove a toy from my vagina, since my body absorbs the water based lube, but the Butters didn’t necessitate so much reapplication.

When I used the Butters for PiV, my partner didn’t notice anything different about the lube. I couldn’t tell much either, though I thought I detected that the lube was more satiny in use than others. It made our sex It’s at this juncture in my review that I’d like to remind everyone that oil based lubes do degrade latex. So if you’re planning on using condoms as a method of birth control, either use a water or silicone based lube for PiV or consider an alternate method of birth control.

Personally, I’ve quite enjoyed my experiences with the lube, and my partner also approves of the formulation as both a lube and a snack. The Butters lube are an excellent choice for anyone looking for something that lasts a little longer than their regular water-based lube, but want something toy compatible.

I purchased this from Peepshow Toys and just wanted to let everyone know how I felt about it. Thanks Peepshow and The Butters!

Reviews

Rope Review: Agreeable Agony vs. Twisted Monk Cotton

For people who are looking to buy their first ropes, a lot can factor into their decisions. Price, maintenance and quality are the first ones to come to mind. I know about these long considerations because last year I was that person making a decision that would affect how I explored bondage. Luckily Twisted Monk provided an answer, and I purchased the Curiosity Cotton Kit and used it happily with my partner for nearly an entire year.

But this month, a challenger arrived. Thanks to RGN Toys, I received the Agreeable Agony rope in a gorgeous blue/black color scheme. They sent me a 30 ft length to compare to the Twisted Monk Cotton rope, and over the past month I’ve been contemplating the two. Having had my partner and I test them, I’m happy to say that I can recommend both of these ropes, but the rope you might ultimately prefer will depend on which sort of play and what rope qualities are most important to you.

The Agreeable Agony rope is spun from a vibrant, man made fiber and is finished with whipped ends. I received the blue and black blend and delightedly ran my hands over it as soon as I freed it from it’s packaging. The feel of the rope is slick, and to my untrained hands it felt silky and strong. The colors, blue and black remind me vaguely of hiking gear and I thought were a delightful change in tone from my other ropes, which are a plain white.

In use, the Agreeable Agony feels strong against the skin. My partner put me in a karada body harness and pulled on me this way and that, seeing how it felt in his hands and how it felt against my skin. He reported that the rope felt more slippery and that the knots seemed a bit less sticky, but found it fun to pull on. On me, the feeling was more intense. While it was never painful, I was more acutely aware of being pulled on, and I was constantly aware of the rope against me. Also, when it was plucked at, the Agreeable Agony rope conducted vibrations better, something to keep in mind.

By contrast, The Twisted Monk Cotton ropes are, as you would expect, spun from cotton and are also finished with whipped ends. To the touch, the cotton ropes feel softer, reminding vaguely of a soft T-shirt. The plain white color is what it is, and I’m content with the classic look, though I might personally like a little more flair with my bondage.

In use, the cotton ropes are much softer against my skin. When my partner put me in a body harness using the cotton ropes, the tactile experience was gentler against my body. A more sensual bondage compared to the more intense and focused and more intense bondage experience that the Agreeable Agony gave me. When pulled on, my partner reported that the knots felt sturdier and the sensation of being pulled on was softened. The entire experience was a soft, sensual one and something I personally enjoyed quite a bit.

When taking care of these ropes, neither need to be oiled regularly, so carving out time to service your ropes isn’t necessary the way it is with hemp ropes. They also both come with a fascinating feature! Should your ropes get dirty, whether through body fluids or otherwise, both of these ropes are machine washable. I can verify the washability of these ropes; I put both in pillowcases and washed them with two caps of Twisted Monk’s Rope Soap on a delicate cycle. Both came out of the wash with no wear or degradation. However, the cotton ropes were more twisted and had more kinks in it, requiring gentle stretching and a hang drying to ensure these ropes were as good as new. The Agreeable Agony looked pretty much the same. However, I was feeling adventurous and decided that I wasn’t going to hand dry these. I kept the Agreeable Agony in the pillowcase and tossed it in my dryer on a low cycle. I had worried it would shrink or would otherwise warp. I was delighted to see that the rope withstood the dryer and lives to tie me another day.

In summary, the Agreeable Agony is a low maintenance rope that delivers a more intense bondage session and appeals to people looking for a quirky aesthetic rope. The Twisted Monk Cotton rope requires a little more care, but for people who want a softer and gentler bondage experience, this is the rope for them. With my personal preferences, I enjoyed the feel of the cotton rope more, but I can’t deny the ease of use of the Agreeable Agony, as well as the wide variety of colors available. With this in mind, I find myself heartily recommending both ropes as both beginner friendly and as excellent first ropes. Happy tying all!

I wrote this honest review in exchange for a commission from RGN Toys. All feelings are my own. Thanks RGN Toys!